[geez]

Has therapy changed you so much (in a positive way) that you aren't sure you fit into your current relationship anymore (marriage etc...).

[sittingatwatersedge]

no, on the contrary it has taught me a lot of things that help greatly.

[missbelle]

My last sessions were to get over a failed relationship. I learned how to be with me and that I was good enough, so I changed a lot and no longer felt the need to have someone in my life.I also learned to solve my own issues and find happiness.

[crazycanbegood]

YES! i often feel i have outgrown some of my friends, the ones i was attracted to when i was in my most negative mood

I have changed in lots of positive ways. The ones that affect my relationships most are boundaries. I figure those friends who cannot deal with my boundaries were not real friends. My relationship with my husband has definitely been challenged... but it has caused us both to be more open and honest...and you can definitely deal with what you know...

[Elli-Beth]

Yep! I can't say much more right now, but a good, patient yep!

[BlessedRhiannon]

Since I'm not in a relationship right now...no. But, I can now clearly see how previous relationships were a poor fit for me. The relationship I do feel like I no longer fit with is my own family (parents). I feel like I've grown so far beyond them that there is simply no common ground anymore.

My husband and I are both in therapy individually with the same T, and on occasion with have a joint session. We have changed as individuals which has caused us to evaluate our marriage and make some important and beneficial changes.

[geez]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

My husband and I are both in therapy individually with the same T, and on occasion with have a joint session. We have changed as individuals which has caused us to evaluate our marriage and make some important and beneficial changes.

That's good new Chris. My marriage is in the midst of either going down the path of divorce or happiness. My husband doesn't want to go to therapy (even though he should to understand how his anxiety is effecting our marriage etc.. in combo with the way he communicates or should it be the lack of communication). I ultimatly don't want a divorce and I feel like I'm giving a last effort. I communicated things to him today and I'm hoping things really do change. If not it's then going to be him going to therapy not to help with our marriage but for him to get help in dealing with getting a divorce .

I have changed so much in the last 3 1/2 years (much of my therapy was about how my behaviour plays into relationships and what I'm responsible for). My husband told me today that he was afraid that the fact I went to therapy and with the changes I've been making for the better there was a possibilty that I would change so much that I wouldn't be interested in him anymore. And to tell it like it is if things don't change on his end of things then I am not interested. We are like two seperate people living in the same house. I've told him what I need before and he always said no or came up with an excuse as to why he can't help me with my needs. However after telling him today is it a therapist we need or an attorney.....He said today that he is willing to work at our marriage and wants to make some changes on his part (he came up with ideas etc..). Will see. Keep your fingers crossed for me as a divorce is the last thing I want but even more I don't want to be in a relationship that is going nowhere and I'm unhappy (btw I'm happy as an individual but not in my marriage). I also have a couple of young children and I wouldn't want them to have to deal with that emotional burden of a divorce (but equally I want to model a healthy relationship for them).

In short therapy has helped me to be a stronger person I just wish I had gone years ago and then maybe I wouldn't be in this unhappy mess to begin with!!

For those of you who are in therapy and reading this and aren't in a 'relationship/partnership' with someone be thankful that all your energy is solely on you. The second you become attached to someone it can get complicated. Work on yourself first if you can before you get into a serious relationship (just my 2cents worth).

Thanks everyone for listening

(((((((Geez))))))))

My therapy has definitely changed my relationships. I have better boundaries with my mom now (they still need improving, but it's SO much better). I have a better idea of what I want in a friend (not someone who will boss me around or who I feel inferior to) and I have worked harder on some of my friendships and let go of some others as a results. At this point, those are the two biggest changes, and they are ongoing.

I literally can't imagine getting a divorce, but I definitely need more out of my marriage than I'm getting...OR I need to learn to live with it how it is, and to be happy. I guess that's where I'm at today...mired in all of that.

I know that for me, I'm not the same person I was when I started therapy. I recognize that I have needs and that I am entitled to feelings and thoughts and opinions, and that just because *I* feel or think something, it doesn't mean it's not right. I have more growing and healing to do, but I am starting to see healthy changes, especially with my friends.

I'm glad that you are telling your H what you need,and that he sounds like he's hearing you, finally. I hope he follows through on the things he said he would do.
to you

[geez]

Originally Posted by treehouse

(((((((Geez))))))))

I literally can't imagine getting a divorce, but I definitely need more out of my marriage than I'm getting...OR I need to learn to live with it how it is, and to be happy. I guess that's where I'm at today...mired in all of that.

I know that for me, I'm not the same person I was when I started therapy. I recognize that I have needs and that I am entitled to feelings and thoughts and opinions, and that just because *I* feel or think something, it doesn't mean it's not right. I have more growing and healing to do, but I am starting to see healthy changes, especially with my friends.

Thank you so much for sharing ((((Tree)))). I feel like being in therapy helped me cope with my marriage for 3 1/2 years (along with dealing with past issues etc..)while helping me become a much stronger person for today.

In therapy I too recognized that I have needs, feelings and wants and I deserve to be loved and cherished.

I didn't realize how low my self esteem was until I got to where I am now. I feel strong, confident, worthy, and so positive for the first time ever in my life and I'm not giving that up for anything. I'm going to continue on my path forward in a positive direction and whatever that brings. Change can be uncomfortable but in my person it's more painful to not change at all and keep things status quo. I'm going to be as proactive as I can and hoping that it all works out for the better. Hope my marriage survives.

BTW my husband told me he would go to counseling if the 'self help' route doesn't help. In a month we will be revisiting things. Thanks as always for listening

I have a good marriage already. 26yrs together, had our ups and downs, and strangly its always been the one area in my life where least problems exist. Its helped me more in regards too having adult children now and finding who I am compared to who I was before I had children.

I have been in therapy on and off for decades. I am still waiting for some sweet, intelligent, empathetic woman to call ... or anybody for that matter.

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

I have been in therapy on and off for decades. I am still waiting for some sweet, intelligent, empathetic woman to call ... or anybody for that matter.

Maybe you could make the call your waiting for? Life is that thing that happens whilst we're waiting for it to happen, if yagetmydrift!

[pgrundy]

I've also been in therapy off and on for decades. One of the main side effects has been the growth of an ability to recognize abuse early and move on. In the beginning most of my relationships were abusive. Now, not so much. If I recognize the signs I move on, or, if it's at a work situation, I deal with it in a way that doesn't harm ME.

That took a lot of years to learn.

People often think divorce is always a sign of failure, but not all marriages are healthy ones and not all of them can be fixed. It takes two people to make a good marriage, but it only takes one to make a bad one.

[beautiful.mess]

Yes, I have definitely seen - and felt - how therapy is changing me in ways that are starting to affect my relationships. Three of my friendships are getting stronger and other friendships are starting to slide because I can now see how unbalanced and unhealthy those people are with whom the friendships were formed; they were doomed from the start, and I am beginning to see that now.

My marriage is also starting to change because *I'm* starting to change (I've only been in t since June). I'm starting to see, for the first time, that *I* have value outside (and inside) of my marriage and that my opinions alone are worth something. I'm starting to see that I am important enough to consider and that my needs, thoughts and feelings are OK without someone else's (dh's) "approval". I DO NOT want to get a divorce, but honestly don't know what the future holds anymore, to be completely honest here. I'm beginning to change in healthy, positive ways and am not sure how my marriage is going to adapt, or IF it will adapt because the ways in which it used to work aren't working anymore because the "old" me is slowly disappearing. Does that make any sense?? DH needs to be in t himself, and we need to go together too, and he won't go. So for now, I need to concentrate on myself FIRST and let the chips fall where they may; what else can I do? I don't like this option, but my choices are limited: either work with what I have and be happy despite whatever it is he is or isn't doing......or walk out on my dh.

My relationships with my family of origin......I'm not even going to go there right now. It's because of them that I am the way that I am.

So, in short, yes, therapy has definitely had an impact on my relationships. I literally had no idea being in t would kind of highlight all the dysfunction in my relationships in this way and also my non-existent self esteem. It hurts. But I can see how it is going to help me in the long run.

[geez]

Originally Posted by beautiful.mess

Yes, I have definitely seen - and felt - how therapy is changing me in ways that are starting to affect my relationships. Three of my friendships are getting stronger and other friendships are starting to slide because I can now see how unbalanced and unhealthy those people are with whom the friendships were formed; they were doomed from the start, and I am beginning to see that now.

My marriage is also starting to change because *I'm* starting to change (I've only been in t since June). I'm starting to see, for the first time, that *I* have value outside (and inside) of my marriage and that my opinions alone are worth something. I'm starting to see that I am important enough to consider and that my needs, thoughts and feelings are OK without someone else's (dh's) "approval". I DO NOT want to get a divorce, but honestly don't know what the future holds anymore, to be completely honest here. I'm beginning to change in healthy, positive ways and am not sure how my marriage is going to adapt, or IF it will adapt because the ways in which it used to work aren't working anymore because the "old" me is slowly disappearing. Does that make any sense?? DH needs to be in t himself, and we need to go together too, and he won't go. So for now, I need to concentrate on myself FIRST and let the chips fall where they may; what else can I do? I don't like this option, but my choices are limited: either work with what I have and be happy despite whatever it is he is or isn't doing......or walk out on my dh.

My relationships with my family of origin......I'm not even going to go there right now. It's because of them that I am the way that I am.

So, in short, yes, therapy has definitely had an impact on my relationships. I literally had no idea being in t would kind of highlight all the dysfunction in my relationships in this way and also my non-existent self esteem. It hurts. But I can see how it is going to help me in the long run.

(((beautiful mess))) You took the words right out of my mind. I am feeling everything your wrote. I too had a non-existent self esteem! in addition to everything else you wrote about your dh not wanting to go to counseling etc... Keep me posted on how things go on your journey. PM me anytime. Perhaps we can lean on eachother.

[geez]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

I have been in therapy on and off for decades. I am still waiting for some sweet, intelligent, empathetic woman to call ... or anybody for that matter.

A few quotes that may apply that I saw today:

"They always say that time changes things but you actually have to change them yourself" Andy Warhol

Life Begins at the end of your comfort Zone" - Neale Donald Walsch

It's tough to do but put yourself out there in new social circles. All you can do is keep trying. Go outside your comfort zone and keep working on yourself.

My grandfather used to say "you need to be the person that you want to have in your life and the rest will follow"

[beautiful.mess]

Originally Posted by geez

(((beautiful mess))) You took the words right out of my mind. I am feeling everything your wrote. I too had a non-existent self esteem! in addition to everything else you wrote about your dh not wanting to go to counseling etc... Keep me posted on how things go on your journey. PM me anytime. Perhaps we can lean on eachother.

Geez, I will, and I will!

I felt everything you wrote as well. I really regret not getting myself straightened out before getting married (at a young age). And to top it off, we brought kids into the mix (another reason why I don't want to get a divorce). In addition to dealing with the reasons I'm in t, I'm now seeing how low my self esteem has always been. I'm working on that part though, and endeavor to NEVER get to where I am at this moment EVER AGAIN in my life. Sadly, the other reality is that dh may not be on board with me long term when it comes to my changing for the better (or what *I* see as better); and that makes me so sad and I anticipate I'd have a VERY hard time with that. But I'm making myself a priority from now on; and not in terms of "if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy" kind of thing.....more like, "if beautiful.mess ain't happy beautiful.mess is gonna end up in the hospital and the WHOLE FAMILY is gonna end up in therapy from the fallout" similar to what you said earlier.

Ugh. Sorry to ramble on your thread. I usually push this stuff "down" and not think about it. I'm trying to get it out (in moderation LOL).

[geez]

(((beautiful))) Thank you so much for sharing and you aren't rambling on. Let it out is my motto. Keep being honest with yourself and I hope for the both of us things work out ok and both our marriages survive the growth process.