[Kozel]

Hi all, I'm new here (first post) but have been reading some threads on here, trying to relate to my situation. I would be grateful for any advice.

I have been seeing my pdoc for prescriptions and therapy since June, so probably for about 4 months now, and we connected pretty quickly. He invited me to his church (not in so many words, but kept mentioning it) plus he wanted to set up a group doing the kind of therapy that we are doing (EMDR & mindfulness techniques) that aren't available to some people. I thought that this was a great idea & said I would be happy to be involved if I could be of any help. He would give me a lift home after our sesions etc... then shortly after I completely freaked out... felt things wre moving to fast, and had a panic attack in session.

Since then he has been distant - we even had a session where he sat against the wall on the opposite side of the room and made me push my arms out whilst talking to him - he said my boundaries had been badly violated in the past. This all seems so strange. He has stopped offering me a lift (I think he's taking a step back) but he seemed really aggressive during our last session, said he felt sorry for my husband, said all sorts of things that really upset me, including that I push people away whenever I feel myself getting close to them (I'm not conscious of this).

I don't know what to do, I'm really scared of seeing him on Monday. Sorry for rattling on, I just needed to get this out. I'm scared that I might have jeopardized our relationship. We usually text each other, but I'm too scared to even do that now!

[Elli-Beth]

He doesn't sound very professional to me. What is your gut telling you?

[unaluna]

This does not sound like a safe situation to me. I would discontinue seeing this T as soon as possible, and find someone else. I agree that your boundaries may have been violated in the past, because it do not seem like they are very good now, because this T is really overstepping them. Offering you a ride home, for example, and telling you he feels sorry for your husband. Mentioning church, implying you would be a partner/ally, while he's writing prescriptions? I am having a panic attack FOR you!

[granite1]

welcome.i dont think that the situation with your pdoc sounds all that helpfull maybe you should think about finding a new one

He doesn't sound very professional to me either, tbh. Not sure he should have been offering you lifts or 'inviting' you to his church. As I understand it, you should only spend time with your therapist in therapy sessions, anything else could be considered a 'dual' relationship, which is to be avoided for the sake of the therapy -- and the client. It's ironic he spoke of your boundaries being violated when maybe he could be seen as violating boundaries himself...

I'm quite new to therapy myself, though, so maybe I'm speaking out of turn.
Hope you figure it out

[beautiful.mess]

I agree with the others. There are some major red flags there.....I would kindly terminate with him and find someone else.

[Kozel]

Hi, thanks everyone for your replies, I feel that you're right. Perhaps I just didn't want to think this way about him because we had such an instant connection and it's the first time I've ever had to see a psychiatrist, so wasn't really sure of the protocol. I just thought he was more laid back about certain things and that I was being over sensitive, or that pehaps he was just 'testing' me.

Elli-Beth - my gut instinct was telling me to be on guard. There has been a definite blurring of boundaries somewhere here. Like for instance with the lifts, he said it makes sense that he gives me a lift (he offered me a lift after our second session) because he drives home in the same direction as me. But then he would reschedule me for the last patient some weeks, rather than keeping my appointment at a regular weekly time, although he has stopped doing this now. It was too difficult for me to switch from therapy mode, to just talking about general chit chat en-route home when I was still processing the heavy stuff from our session.

With the church thing, he hasn't actually asked me directly, but mentions it all the time, even going so far as to tell me when they were having an open day and specifics such as what time etc. The group he wanted to set up was also going to be at his church. Initially it was going to be for therapy as I said above, but then he changed it to being about something entirely different, more of a social thing (or a 'learning resource' as he put it) and that there would only be three of us in the group to start with, because he knows that I have anxiety about group situations.

Part of me thinks that I'm just being super sensitive, and that he's bending over backwards and going out on a limb for me and that now he's changed tack because he's frustrated with me for passing up these opportunites (church, group...). I don't know. If he had come right out and directly asked me to go to his church, rather than just mentioning specifics and dropping massive hints, I could have dealt with that, but I can't handle ambiguity and became afraid to say "do you want me to come to your church?" in case he said "no!" But he would text me about his group idea and say "waht do you think?" He mentioned in our last session that I don't listen. I do, and I think he means it's got to come from me, not him, I'm just so confused and don't know what to say/think/do.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

He doesn't sound very professional to me either, tbh. Not sure he should have been offering you lifts or 'inviting' you to his church. As I understand it, you should only spend time with your therapist in therapy sessions, anything else could be considered a 'dual' relationship, which is to be avoided for the sake of the therapy -- and the client. It's ironic he spoke of your boundaries being violated when maybe he could be seen as violating boundaries himself...

I'm quite new to therapy myself, though, so maybe I'm speaking out of turn.
Hope you figure it out

Just some girl? Just some intuitive smart girl..your instincts are great!

[BonnieJean]

Kozel - listen to what is scaring you about seeing him on Monday. I think that feeling is trying to tell you something - maybe keep you safe. If anyone jeopardized the relationship I think it was you T.

[Wren_]

hi kozel, welcome to PC ... i'm not sure what the situation is exactly that led to him giving you lifts so hard commenting on that; but I can imagine that it feels very scary and confusing right now since the panic attack and his response to that. Have the two of you talked about it at all?

[Kozel]

Thanks for all your responses and sorry it's taken me sooo long to reply!

Tigergirl - he offered me a lift once when my husband couldn't collect me and I was at the reception calling a taxi after our session. I said it was ok, but he said it made sense as he was going in the same direction anyway. So the following week he offered me a lift too. But I wasn't really comfortable about it so always made sure I had a lift organised after that.

I didn't really talk about the panic attack all that much with him, we were doing EMDR and and I think some strong feelings arose from that. I also noticed that from around that time I began to feel afraid of him, but to be fair that's probably more due to the nature of the therapy and the fact that I was showing a very vulnerable side of myself to him. He put me on medication after that.

He doesn't want to see me now for three months anyway! He said he is more of an intervention guy (he's a pdoc) so I was seeing him every week for some months when I was in a sort of crisis. He thinks I need longer term therapy with a T and has suggested someone to me. It felt quite abrupt, he only discussed this with me in our penultimate session so I'm still trying to come to terms with that right now. It's all very confusing!

Anyway, thanks again for all your responses.