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  #1  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 08:41 AM
Flooded's Avatar
Flooded Flooded is offline
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Location: on the border..
Posts: 1,757
It's nearly midnight. I have tdoc tomorrow and as usual, I can't sleep.

When am I going to settle this with myself? Tdoc is there to bloody well help me not hurt me.

Why can't I accept her help? Why is this stubborn mule so bloody stubborn and why can't I just go with it?








Just typing out My thoughts hoping someone might understand and give me the slap I deserve..
Thanks for this!
Dr.Muffin

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  #2  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 08:52 AM
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skysblue skysblue is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 2,885
Have you asked her why you can't accept her help? Have you explored this issue with her?
Thanks for this!
Flooded
  #3  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 08:54 AM
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granite1 granite1 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: in my head
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I'm here flooded.i know how this all feels.i get totally terrified when i have to go to T and i also have such a hard time accepting that my T has my best interests at heart and isn't going to do anything to intentionally hurt me at all.i also get scared of the feelings i have when i go to therapy.it can be a mess.i hope you are talking to your T about this and T is able to ease your mind a bit about it
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT

Dx, HUMAN
Rx, no medication for that
Thanks for this!
Flooded, sittingatwatersedge
  #4  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 08:58 AM
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rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
i understand that feeling, Flooded. it definitely is a struggle
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

Thanks for this!
Flooded
  #5  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 09:00 AM
sittingatwatersedge sittingatwatersedge is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Posts: 15,166
Flooded - I think that Granite hit it exactly.

>>T has my best interests at heart and isn't going to do anything to intentionally hurt me at all.
and
>> i also get scared of the feelings i have when i go to therapy

Yr Tdoc knows that there are big scary feelings, and is trained to help you deal with them as they come.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Therapy is the hardest work you will ever do, and you are very courageous for keeping at it; you just have to go at your own pace, and that's perfectly fine. Be gentle with you.
Thanks for this!
Flooded, FourRedheads
  #6  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 09:05 AM
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Flooded Flooded is offline
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Location: on the border..
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You're all so nice to me but I'm going to cry anyway

I've always thought I had to live up to my BPD label. I hate how I react so impulsively and do such stupid things. I've sabotaged nearly every relationship I've ever had and have no idea how my husband has lasted 14 yrs
Thanks for this!
skysblue
  #7  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 09:17 AM
stopdog stopdog is offline
underdog is here
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 35,154
I absolutely think it is not unusual to be wary even if you believe they have your best interests at heart. The road to hell is lined with good intentions. Good intentions from anyone do not make them safe. I am not saying your t (nor anyone else's) is not safe, just that there are still reasons that are valid if it feels unsafe with them. Look at all the damage done to children "for their own good."
  #8  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 08:28 PM
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Flooded Flooded is offline
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Member Since: May 2011
Location: on the border..
Posts: 1,757
90 mins to go...

Hope I don't fall asleep on the couch
Thanks for this!
lastyearisblank
  #9  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 08:33 PM
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ECHOES ECHOES is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2007
Location: West of Tampa Bay, East of the Gulf of Mexico
Posts: 14,354
Oh, that is a fantasy of mine.. going to therapy and just napping on the couch

I know how it is to be up all night the night before, and sometimes again the night of, therapy. Sometimes I can't sleep for anything.

I hope your session goes well.

Quote:
I've always thought I had to live up to my BPD label. I hate how I react so impulsively and do such stupid things. I've sabotaged nearly every relationship I've ever had and have no idea how my husband has lasted 14 yrs
This is a powerful awareness of how you wish to be. Try not to be hard on yourself; you can only be who you are and where you are.
  #10  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 08:38 PM
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PreacherHeckler PreacherHeckler is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Close to the Adirondacks but not close enough
Posts: 578
Stopdog I used to feel unsafe with my T a lot but that's because I was reacting to feelings and events from the past and didn't realize it at the time. He also felt unsafe to me because I was not used to someone who wasn't as highly reactive as I was, and I didn't know how to read him since he wasn't reactive. Over time I discovered that he is the safest, most predictable and most understanding person I've ever had in my life.
So yeah, being wary is good but sometimes feeling unsafe isn't the same as actually being unsafe.
__________________
Conversation with my therapist:

Doc: "You know, for the past few weeks you've seemed very disconnected from your emotions when you're here."
Me: "I'm not disconnected from my emotions. I just don't feel anything when I'm here."
(Pause)
Me: "Doc, why are you banging your head against the arm of your chair?"
Doc: "Because I'm not close enough to a wall."

It's official. I can even make therapists crazy.
Thanks for this!
elliemay, FourRedheads, learning1, rainbow_rose
  #11  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 08:56 PM
rainbow_rose's Avatar
rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
Quote:
Originally Posted by PreacherHeckler View Post
[...] sometimes feeling unsafe isn't the same as actually being unsafe.
i love this.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

Thanks for this!
FourRedheads, PreacherHeckler
  #12  
Old Oct 12, 2011, 10:17 PM
Dr.Muffin's Avatar
Dr.Muffin Dr.Muffin is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2009
Location: Philly, PA
Posts: 863
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flooded View Post
It's nearly midnight. I have tdoc tomorrow and as usual, I can't sleep.

When am I going to settle this with myself? Tdoc is there to bloody well help me not hurt me.

Why can't I accept her help? Why is this stubborn mule so bloody stubborn and why can't I just go with it?








Just typing out My thoughts hoping someone might understand and give me the slap I deserve..
i have to admit that when i saw this thread title, i totally thought it was going to be a poem in the vein of "twas the night before christmas, and all through the house...." i was super psyched!

in response to what the thread is ACTUALLY about. if you didnt have such issues, you wouldnt be in need of help. cut yourself some slack and give yourself some time....you'll get there.
Thanks for this!
Flooded, lastyearisblank
  #13  
Old Oct 13, 2011, 12:34 AM
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Flooded Flooded is offline
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Member Since: May 2011
Location: on the border..
Posts: 1,757
I didn't fall asleep She kept talking, asking questions making my brain work..

It's such a love/hate relationship
  #14  
Old Oct 13, 2011, 12:59 AM
SilentLucidity SilentLucidity is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: black leather couch
Posts: 200
You love that you hate it or do you hate that you love it?
  #15  
Old Oct 13, 2011, 01:29 AM
Flooded's Avatar
Flooded Flooded is offline
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Member Since: May 2011
Location: on the border..
Posts: 1,757
bit of both really. So confused
  #16  
Old Oct 13, 2011, 02:06 PM
sittingatwatersedge sittingatwatersedge is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Posts: 15,166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flooded View Post
She kept talking, asking questions making my brain work..
yeh I hate it when that happens............
Thanks for this!
Flooded
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