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#1
Oct 12, 2011, 08:41 AM
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It's nearly midnight. I have tdoc tomorrow and as usual, I can't sleep.
When am I going to settle this with myself? Tdoc is there to bloody well help me not hurt me. Why can't I accept her help? Why is this stubborn mule so bloody stubborn and why can't I just go with it?  Just typing out My thoughts hoping someone might understand and give me the slap I deserve.. |
 Dr.Muffin
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#2
Oct 12, 2011, 08:52 AM
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Have you asked her why you can't accept her help? Have you explored this issue with her?
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| Flooded
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#3
Oct 12, 2011, 08:54 AM
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I'm here flooded.i know how this all feels.i get totally terrified when i have to go to T and i also have such a hard time accepting that my T has my best interests at heart and isn't going to do anything to intentionally hurt me at all.i also get scared of the feelings i have when i go to therapy.it can be a mess.i hope you are talking to your T about this and T is able to ease your mind a bit about it
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT  Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
| Flooded, sittingatwatersedge
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#4
Oct 12, 2011, 08:58 AM
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i understand that feeling, Flooded. it definitely is a struggle
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ 
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| Flooded
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#5
Oct 12, 2011, 09:00 AM
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Flooded - I think that Granite hit it exactly.
>>T has my best interests at heart and isn't going to do anything to intentionally hurt me at all. and >> i also get scared of the feelings i have when i go to therapy Yr Tdoc knows that there are big scary feelings, and is trained to help you deal with them as they come. Please don't be so hard on yourself.  Therapy is the hardest work you will ever do, and you are very courageous for keeping at it; you just have to go at your own pace, and that's perfectly fine. Be gentle with you.
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| Flooded, FourRedheads
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#6
Oct 12, 2011, 09:05 AM
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You're all so nice to me but I'm going to cry anyway
 I've always thought I had to live up to my BPD label. I hate how I react so impulsively and do such stupid things. I've sabotaged nearly every relationship I've ever had and have no idea how my husband has lasted 14 yrs
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| skysblue
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#7
Oct 12, 2011, 09:17 AM
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I absolutely think it is not unusual to be wary even if you believe they have your best interests at heart. The road to hell is lined with good intentions. Good intentions from anyone do not make them safe. I am not saying your t (nor anyone else's) is not safe, just that there are still reasons that are valid if it feels unsafe with them. Look at all the damage done to children "for their own good."
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#8
Oct 12, 2011, 08:28 PM
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90 mins to go...
Hope I don't fall asleep on the couch 
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| lastyearisblank
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#9
Oct 12, 2011, 08:33 PM
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Oh, that is a fantasy of mine.. going to therapy and just napping on the couch
 I know how it is to be up all night the night before, and sometimes again the night of, therapy. Sometimes I can't sleep for anything. I hope your session goes well. Quote:
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#10
Oct 12, 2011, 08:38 PM
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Stopdog I used to feel unsafe with my T a lot but that's because I was reacting to feelings and events from the past and didn't realize it at the time. He also felt unsafe to me because I was not used to someone who wasn't as highly reactive as I was, and I didn't know how to read him since he wasn't reactive. Over time I discovered that he is the safest, most predictable and most understanding person I've ever had in my life.
So yeah, being wary is good but sometimes feeling unsafe isn't the same as actually being unsafe.
__________________
Conversation with my therapist: Doc: "You know, for the past few weeks you've seemed very disconnected from your emotions when you're here." Me: "I'm not disconnected from my emotions. I just don't feel anything when I'm here." (Pause) Me: "Doc, why are you banging your head against the arm of your chair?" Doc: "Because I'm not close enough to a wall." It's official. I can even make therapists crazy. |
| elliemay, FourRedheads, learning1, rainbow_rose
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#11
Oct 12, 2011, 08:56 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
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| FourRedheads, PreacherHeckler
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#12
Oct 12, 2011, 10:17 PM
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Quote:
in response to what the thread is ACTUALLY about. if you didnt have such issues, you wouldnt be in need of help. cut yourself some slack and give yourself some time....you'll get there.
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| Flooded, lastyearisblank
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#13
Oct 13, 2011, 12:34 AM
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I didn't fall asleep
 She kept talking, asking questions making my brain work..It's such a love/hate relationship 
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#14
Oct 13, 2011, 12:59 AM
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You love that you hate it or do you hate that you love it?
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#15
Oct 13, 2011, 01:29 AM
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bit of both really. So confused
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#16
Oct 13, 2011, 02:06 PM
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Quote:
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| Flooded
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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