Anyone else struggle to reconnect at a break from T?

T was only gone for a week, so this shouldn't be a big deal, right?

I'm worried that maybe, just maybe, T decided she doesn't like me anymore and maybe she doesn't want to come back and see me again. Maybe everything will be different when I see her this week.

I miss her. I really, really miss her. And that is freaking me out. I shouldn't miss someone that much. Being attached to someone and missing them like this means I am vulnerable to being hurt.

Sometimes I miss my therapist between weekly sessions!

I have sometimes feared that absence might damage a relationship, but after a few seconds of awkwardness, I always reconnect again. It's like we've never been apart.

I'm missing a session this Friday and I'm feeling a little scared and lonely already. I will miss my safe place to talk about whatever I need to with the person who always gives me something useful back. It feels critical to my life right now, and I don't think I'm going to feel completely myself again until I see him again.

Attachment, and its absence, makes us human too. I have to remind myself that being attached is a positive thing. Attachment promotes feeling safe in therapy, and feeling supported, and all those fluffy feelings help us voice the unspeakable and let that take us where we need to go.

Not to go all Martha Stewart on you, but it's a good thing.

Anne

YES.

I saw him twice a week for years because a WEEK felt like a "break". So we ended up having a "reconnecting" session and a "work" session (although the reconnecting was work too!). It wasn't all nice and neat like that, but that's how it usually worked out.

It's a lot easier for me to hold onto the connection with T now, but earlier in therapy, when there would be a break - if he was on vacation, or I was - I always wanted to just not go back. The first part of the break would feel so hard, because I missed him, and then a switch would flip and I would feel disconnected and want to stay that way so I wouldn't have to feel the pain of disconnection again. And there was fear too - like you were saying - what if T doesn't like me anymore, what if it feels different, what if, what if, what if?

I've had lots of sessions after breaks that felt like a "waste"...because I would just sit there and feel disconnected and weird. But in the end, they weren't a waste, because they were what reconnected me to T enough to go in for my NEXT session and keep moving forward.

The good news is, it's way better now. All of those absences/reconnections must have finally created some new neural pathways that allow me to believe that I can be separated from someone I'm attached to and they will come back and be the same person they were when they left. It took time.

You said it shouldn't be a big deal...but it just IS a big deal. Therapy is hard, trust is hard, connecting is hard, and they're all important, and all Big Deals. It really is okay to feel just how you feel. It won't feel like this forever.

When my T was gone for a week some time ago, it was a really really big deal to me. It felt like a gigantic break and I had a hard time with it. But, on the up side, everything came back to normal when she returned. So, you can count on that with your T.

I saw my therapist weekly for a long while and then all of a sudden we've only been able to see each other twice in the past 12 weeks... I think it's very painful and very challenging. When I saw her last, she was distant and unfamiliar to me. I lied a lot and then told her I wouldn't be coming back for at least 3 weeks. I want to see her regularly but it's uncomfortable and I don't know what the purpose would be anymore. I've gotten a lot harder on myself.

Sorry guys.

Posting is so dang hard for me right now. The words just aren't there. But thank you. It is reassuring to know that I am not alone in this. You guys understand. Thank you for that.

Painful.

Do you remember why you started in the first place?