I never realized how difficult it would be to become attached to my T. I'm not talking about romantic feelings or anything like that. I've had a protective fortress around myself for so long. I've forgotten what it is like to be attached to a person.... to care what another person thinks.... to care how another person feels...to need things and want things from another person.

Most of my RL relationships do not have good boundaries. I've found that I cannot manipulate the theraputic relationship as I would in RL. Also, since starting therapy I've learned of a lot of the defense mechanisms that I would use. But it seems now that I've figured this out those defenses don't work anymore .

Now I'm left feeling open and so vulnerable... It has brought up some serious fears of abandonment...

I have a H. and children so why is this so hard? Does anyone else feel this way about therapy or T?

[learning1]

Is it something you think you'll be able to talk to people in your real life about at some point, Readytostop?

Is the boundary issue in real life relationships the same as you were saying, having too much of a fortress to become attached to people?

Tue agony of early attachment figure. I mean with T I like you had the agony, but she wasn't doing anything "wrong". It was the expectations of it going "wrong" in all the same ways my early/first attachment went wrong. Just keep talking about what the next fear is you have about the relationship and that too will disolve.

[wheeler]

I feel this way all the time, in fact it makes me very angry. I don't want to be like this, but the more I fight the feelings the worse it gets.

I also hate to admit it, but talking about it helps.

[Sannah]

I think that you are doing good work! Keep working!

Feeling attached to my T, and the other people in my life, makes me feel alive. And an authentic person, because of big part of who I am is my ability to connect to others with my authentic self. Not connect as the person with the mask and the walls up.

Anne

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

Feeling attached to my T, and the other people in my life, makes me feel alive. And an authentic person, because of big part of who I am is my ability to connect to others with my authentic self. Not connect as the person with the mask and the walls up.

Anne

for me, it's also really great to discover who I should NOT connect to/with or need to limit ! Read the "can they fire you" thread for further fun!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I never realized how difficult it would be to become attached to my T. I'm not talking about romantic feelings or anything like that. I've had a protective fortress around myself for so long. I've forgotten what it is like to be attached to a person.... to care what another person thinks.... to care how another person feels...to need things and want things from another person.

Most of my RL relationships do not have good boundaries. I've found that I cannot manipulate the theraputic relationship as I would in RL. Also, since starting therapy I've learned of a lot of the defense mechanisms that I would use. But it seems now that I've figured this out those defenses don't work anymore .

Now I'm left feeling open and so vulnerable... It has brought up some serious fears of abandonment...

That part was hard for me too. It's like T sets the rules for the relationship (which is essentially true). That takes power away from you. Takes you to a strange place, one that you've avoided all your life.

I guess it is also about breaking bad habits, and we all know how tough that can be!

I fought it for a year or two, but I got used to it in the end. It's good.

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

Feeling attached to my T, and the other people in my life, makes me feel alive. And an authentic person, because of big part of who I am is my ability to connect to others with my authentic self. Not connect as the person with the mask and the walls up.

Anne

Not to be the person with the mask and the walls up, is a goal for me. For many years of my life those walls have protected me, T. says I don't need them anymore. Problem is what took years to build does not come down overnight.

I've been trying to figure out for weeks now, why the relationship with my T. brings up such feelings of fear of abandonment. I've realized that those feelings only come up when I want to share something...feelings, complaint, special request, pretty much anything that I think my T. would view as negative...

I think maybe I've figured it out...when my parents fought when I was little, which seems like it was all the time, .. I would lay in bed and listen to fight and then hear my dad slam the door and the car start up.... I used to wonder if he would come back...

I guess maybe I associate someone being angry or mad at me with them leaving... maybe...

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Not to be the person with the mask and the walls up, is a goal for me. For many years of my life those walls have protected me, T. says I don't need them anymore. Problem is what took years to build does not come down overnight.

Exactly. And you do not want to take them all down at once. Very slowly, and you need to be able to put them back up when necessary. Anne

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Not to be the person with the mask and the walls up, is a goal for me. For many years of my life those walls have protected me, T. says I don't need them anymore. Problem is what took years to build does not come down overnight.

I so agree with Anne. Boundaries and walls are essential when you come across a harmful person. Being healthy is when you can move your boundaries up or down depending on the situation - flexibility and the ability to gauge the situation that you are in.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I've been trying to figure out for weeks now, why the relationship with my T. brings up such feelings of fear of abandonment. I've realized that those feelings only come up when I want to share something...feelings, complaint, special request, pretty much anything that I think my T. would view as negative...

I think maybe I've figured it out...when my parents fought when I was little, which seems like it was all the time, .. I would lay in bed and listen to fight and then hear my dad slam the door and the car start up.... I used to wonder if he would come back...

I guess maybe I associate someone being angry or mad at me with them leaving... maybe...

Excellent insight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I never realized how difficult it would be to become attached to my T. I'm not talking about romantic feelings or anything like that. I've had a protective fortress around myself for so long. I've forgotten what it is like to be attached to a person.... to care what another person thinks.... to care how another person feels...to need things and want things from another person.

Most of my RL relationships do not have good boundaries. I've found that I cannot manipulate the theraputic relationship as I would in RL. Also, since starting therapy I've learned of a lot of the defense mechanisms that I would use. But it seems now that I've figured this out those defenses don't work anymore .

Now I'm left feeling open and so vulnerable... It has brought up some serious fears of abandonment...

I have a H. and children so why is this so hard? Does anyone else feel this way about therapy or T?

wow do i know this agony.i am now experiancing so much of this with my T.the love hate,fear,and so much confusion about all of it and what is going on how none of it seems to fit in a nice neat little package for me to understand and deal with. i hope we will be able to learn a lot about how to deal with others by learning how to deal with all this