How do I get through the holidays?

I know there is another thread about the holidays, but I feel really out of place, because most people are saying how they are dreading the holidays BECAUSE of their families.

I am dreading the holidays because I miss my family. My mom and dad are both dead, as are the grandparents I knew.

We used to all get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now, I have nobody - well, thats not exactly true. I have a sister who I still talk to, a brother who is uninvolved in our lives, and a brother and stepdad who are a different story (my brother is 13, I would LOVE to see more of him. My step-dad has gotten really weird since my mom died 3 years ago, so who knows what he'll be up to)

Anyway, long story short is that I don't even know if I will be seeing any of my family for the holidays. This is already of tough time of year with all the losses and memories, and I don't know how to get through it again.

Last year, I ended up in the psych ward after almost killing myself. I want(need) this year to be better.

What do I do? I know I could start new traditions, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept that the old ones are gone, completely gone

Hey Nicole. Is is feasible to see if you can do something with your sister, or connect with one of your brothers?

A lot of people seem to recommend volunteering over the holidays, finding helping others makes them feel better.

I hope you can get together with your little brother or perhaps your sister. Even if it's not on the actual holiday. I always worked the holidays and celebrated on a day before or after.

Maybe you could go on a nice vacation just for you? Go to a place you always wanted to visit. Some people mke that act of giving a gift to themselves a tradition because the family issipues are too poisionous that time of year.

How about volunteering at a homeless shelter and serving the meal for thanksgiving and Christmas? There are also lots of other options like group homes for the disabled etc. How about adopting a family for Christmas and then finding a way to solicit gifts for the family....working at a foodbank during the holidays..they always need assistance!

Start some new traditions, maybe with your sister. Go see the play A Christmas Carol or see the Nutcracker ballet. Invite other people over who are without family this season and celebrate the holiday as a group. Help at a local charity.

I think we have to mourne what life was once like so we can accept what life is like now. Everyone has xmas's where loved ones have since died or left etc, one can get stuck in grief. Have you spoken to your therapist about your feelings? I'm taking it you have a therapist as this is posted in this forum?

You can start new traditions with your husband and children.

Sounds like you still need to mourn these losses of your family? I agree to address this in therapy. I'll bet that you haven't allowed yourself to mourn these losses?

I have a very dysfunctional family and have learned to make the holidays about what I like. I have no children so I buy presents for kids thru The Salvation Army's Christmas Angel program. I volunteer with BBBS and I get candy for the annual Christmas party. I have about 500 pieces for this years party. I made jingle bells for the BBBS Christmas float for the kids to ring. This year we have been invited by The Salvation Army to ring bells for the annual Christmas fund drive. What says Christmas more than The Salvation Army's Christmas Ringers? I usually cry on the holiday itself and I do not cry. I am thinking that griefwork is ongoing over your lifetime and it is part of being alive. So I keep busy over the holidays, cry when I need to and reflect on what I like to do during the holidays. I like to challenge myself to a new hard recipe like Christmas Bread or Eggnog fudge. This year I am going to try Linzer cookies and for my little part I am going to make those cornflake wreaths that are green with marshmallows. My husband loves the new recipes as well as the old. I love Christmas lights so I decorate with lots of lights for myself not anyone else. I have found volunteering and doing activities that I like lessens the pain of the holidays. Over the years I have learned to make the holidays fulfilling for myself not anyone else. One year I watched Christmas movies all day by myself on Christmas Day and I look back on that Christmas with fondness. I got to do exactly what I wanted. And one year we did have a splendid family Christmas Eve with me and my husband and his adult child and 2 neighbors joined us. It was magic. I had totaled my car the day before and had no way of joining my moms family or getting to work. A car disaster that had financial ramifications turned into one of the best Christmas's I ever had. To me the holidays are always bittersweet. I deal with the bitter and relish the sweet to the best of my ability. And I decided no trauma work for the holidays. T is aware. PEACE to you this season.

Yeah, I am definitely still working on mourning, even though the losses range from nearly 15 years ago up to 2 years ago. Grieving is not something I've really done. I have always held it inside and been the "strong" one.

Thank you all for your insight and ideas. I see my T tomorrow, so I'm going to talk to her about this then