This is a trigger warning because I'm going to discuss medical testing for bre@st cancer. I can't tell the story without it.





Last Friday at my session, I was all neurotic and triggery about having to have a biopsy on a "suspicious mass" in my bre@st on MOnday (yesterday). I'd had a routine mammogram and then was called back for an ultrasound where they determined it wasn't a cyst but a solid mass and it needed to be evaluated with a core biopsy. This procedure isn't nearly as invasive as an incisional (surgical) biopsy. I was all weirded out because of the procedure itself, I don't do well with medical and dental procedures in general. And the nature of the procedure, especially the idea of a male doc doing it, was just a symbolic reminder to me. Especially because they insert a tiny little chip into the spot to "mark" it for future reference.

My T reminded me that I could call him if I needed. He's told me a time or two before but I've never called him, never emailed (he does have an email on his card but I've never used it). He said that the receptionist "always knows how to reach him" and that he calls most people back 5 minutes after they call. Then he gave me his cell phone so I could reach him after hours, but he seemed to instruct me to call him at the office if it was during working hours. I teased him on the way out because he told me that I could call him for any reason anytime, and he said it three separate times. "I got it, you said it 3 times, I heard you." I was kind of annoyed. He responded by saying goodbye 3 times. Ha ha.

So I called his office yesterday a few hours before my procedure. I *really* just wanted to just connect with him for reassurance, like have a 5 minute conversation. The receptionist said she would give him the message and he would call me between sessions. I thought that was strange because he only works Wed-Fri, but she said "today", so I figured she knew his schedule better than I did.

The rest of the story: he didn't call. He still hasn't called, and it's been 24 hours later. I am 99.9% sure she didn't give him the message. She has messed up 2 or 3 of my appointments before (now, T always schedules me himself). And I realize that I could and should have called him directly on his cell phone, in hindsight, I wish i had, but at the time i was trusting that he'd call back when he could. Like most people, i assumed even if he was at home, he might have blocks of time where he'd be unavailable.

I am pretty sad about it. I really wish I had been able to reach him. The procedure went as well as could be expected, and I must have some good karma that came my way because I got the only woman radiologist who was a super sweet, connected person. I couldn't believe how comfortable she and her staff made me. I don't really need to talk to him now, maybe I"ll want to before Fri if the results come back as bad news. I feel dissed and ignored, especially because "most people" get called back within five minutes. I want to call him up just to ****** about his receptionist, but that seems petty and mean. I don't really need anything from him right now, I should just get over it, what the heck is my problem, I feel like a giant baby and then I feel bad for judging my own reaction. Whatever.

Thanks if you read this far. I'm feeling super sorry for myself.

Anne

[unaluna]

Okay, I can't figure this out, I mean I can't figure out what you need right now, or if you should call him, but what worked for me last week, was when I said to myself, if I were reading this on PC, what would I tell them? I'm not sure you're there yet, or if you've already overthunk it. Why not just call him now, and if you need to call him again when you do get the news, you can call him again. His love is not rationed, this is not WWII.

[Wysteria]

Hi Anne,
I'm with Hankster...he made it extremely clear he wanted to hear from you and was worried about you...call him!!! You want to connect and be nurtured, so call him, and it wouldn't hurt to let him know that you did call and didn't hear back. He should know that his receptionist is not doing her job and that is hurting his practice. AND call him later in the week when you get the results...he will want to know because he cares about you and knows this is scary stuff..just like I do...I'm worried too. I'm so sorry that you are scared and send the warmest and gentlest and most cuddling hugs ever! You are wrapped in angels' wings this week. My thoughts and prayers are with you...I'm so glad that you got the lady radiologist. What a wonderful gift for you...yah!

WB

[TayQuincy]

I'm sorry your T didn't call you back. It sounds like you made it through the procedure pretty well and now you are left with these feelings that your T let you down and wasn't there for you when you needed him even when he encouraged you to reach out. That's always hard because it creates pain that could have been avoided so easily. Like you said, he probably never got the message from the receptionist and so he probably has no idea that you even called. And I am wondering why he would tell you that he usually calls people back within 5 mins? That just sounds so unreasonable to me. How is that possible? He would have to be right there available and waiting for people to call in order to do that.

Anyway, you might feel better if you call him again and can get some clarification about what happened. Since you don't call him often enough to know if he does this frequently (not calling back). My T is notorious for not returning phone calls and has told me to always have her paged if i need her in the moment. When i do that, i always hear from her within an hour. BTW, great job making it through the biopsy and i hope the results are good news!

[skysblue]

I agree with everyone else. Call him!!! It was obviously a missed communication. Even if the need doesn't seem as strong right now, it is something bothering you. You have enough to deal with with your recuperation. Don't let this be an extra burden for you today.

Absolutely call.

Sometimes I don't call T, because I think "well, what's the point? how could he fix this anyway?"...but when I DO make myself call, and we connect, he almost always surprises me by helping me discover the *real* reason for my call and giving me what I need. And I feel cared for, and better.

Call.

It's a shame about the miscommunication -- all this time you never reach out and then when you finally do you get ignored, can't feel good. It was, like you say, most likely the dozy receptionist. If you still need to speak to your T, then I say call him on his 'cell' ('mobile' where I'm from!) he said you could -- 3 times! I'm glad the procedure went okay, and I have my fingers crossed for you. This must have been so stressful, no wonder you're feeling sorry for yourself -- it's allowed! Take care

I don't have anything to add - others have said it very well. Call! Keeping my fingers crossed for you on the test results. That's always such a nerve-wracking situation. Hope you get the results back ASAP and that everything's OK.

Thanks everybody for your kind words.

I haven't called. I just don't feel the need. Although I am sure I'd feel better if he knew.

Anne

[dizgirl2011]

Hey

I'm glad your procedure went as well as it could and that you managed to get a female doctor. I hope you get good results also .

I can understand your disappointment very much as I emailed my T (which I hardly ever do) with a few concerns after the last session. I also sent a text just to say that I had sent an email. That was last Friday and she hasn't responded at all. I am annoyed because I thought we had an agreement that if she didn't want to respond, she would at least send a message to say we would discuss it in the next session. I feel completely blanked and hurt, even though my guess is, that she wants me to "sit with" the feelings.
My guess is, as others have said, that your T probably didn't even get the message as it sounds like he is the kind of person who would have got back to you as soon as possible, even if it wasn't within 5 minutes. If you need him then please do try to contact him. **huge hugs**

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