Therapists Don't Really Care, Do They?

There's only like 12 more days until I go back to therapy.

I was so freaked out and upset at first, but now, I'm really ok with it. I can make it on my own without him.

There have been times I have wanted to call or email, but have fought the urge. Before, when there was a problem/crisis, my first inclination was to run to him, and now, I am finding other ways to deal with whatever comes up and he is my last resort. It is nice knowing that I can fall back on him if I can't figure it out on my own. Like a security blanket.

I think that's probably a good thing though. I don't NEED him. And I would be ok if I never went back too, but I have worked so hard and have come so far in therapy that I will go back.

It's strange how I thought I couldn't survive without him, yet I haven't seen him in like 30 or 31 days and I'm still here. And I'm fine.

Well I finally go back to t a week from today. And now I am wondering....does he even care if I actually go back or not? I can't help but wonder if he's thinking "man, I hope that crazy ***** doesn't show up".

Yet at the same time, I know if he didn't want me to go back he wouldn't have told me to make an appointment.

Plus, I'm really nervous about going back. How am I supposed to just pick back up where we left off after this long of an absence? It's going to be very awkward.

There's been SO much going on since I have been there. How do I know what to talk about, which is most important?

The nice thing about therapy is that you don't have to pick back up where you left off. You can just go in there and talk about whatever is the most important thing that day. You don't need to continue with your concerns from your last session, as they may no longer be what is most pressing. And if they need to be dealt with at some point, there is always another session. If you mean the relationship--how can you be close again when you have been away for quite some time--just let it happen. Hopefully, your T can make you comfortable. Maybe you can "get to know each other" again. It might be sweet. After a long break, I used to be quite shy. I told T that once, and he was quite charmed. He said, "let's sit in that shyness." LOL. It was nice. He liked it. I liked it. Reunions can be sweet. I hope your session goes well for you.

I just don't ask myself this question. I pays my money, I gets my session. I can tell by how T is when we are together that he likes being there with me. I don't worry about it when I'm not there. How he is when we are together is what is most important to me and I can't change that by worrying about it between sessions, so I don't. If you don't worry about it, then you have more head space to devote to figuring out other stuff, like your homework, or improving your relationship with your brother, or managing a difficult employee at work, or whatever... I guess I'm at an age where I realize I have limited brain power (dying and aging brain cells), and I must put that limited resource to work on stuff I need to accomplish. If I let my brain worry about T, I would be wasting my brain and probably end up being less effective at the other stuff I have to get done. That may not work for everyone, but it's what I do. If I had more brain power, I might spend it on more worrying, but unfortunately, I don't.

I used to have a zillion things and not know what I would choose to discuss and it can be overwhelming. So I started just asking myself, "if I can talk about only one thing with T, what will it be?" And I would be still and listen and the most important thing would bubble to the top. Somewhere inside, you know what is most important. Listen to yourself and it will come. You can also share this difficulty with your T, and maybe he can help.

Thanks sunrise.

I already know that I won't be able to go back and dive right back into the trauma work after this amount of time. I was worried that I would be expected to.

I also know it's going to be a little hard to go back and feel that trust and connection with him right off the bat. So I'm a little nervous about that. I don't want to sit there and not talk at all and waste my time and his.

Then on top of being nervous about that stuff, I will also need to have something to talk about. There's been so many major things, maybe I should just make a list ahead of time, and then go with the flow. Maybe I will let him pick one from the list....IDK.

And I can't help but wonder if he cares whether I go back or not. I try not to worry about it, but I definitely don't want to go back at all if he doesn't want me to. It would be much easier if I just didn't think about it, like you. I guess having limited brain power, as you said, has it's advantages......

I lost sleep last night thinking about going back to t next week. WTH is that about? It feels like I am waiting to be sentenced to jail or something.

This absence from therapy has been way too long. I don't want to go back now.

I keep thinking that I have managed this many weeks without my T., I'm pretty sure I can manage from now on without him.

Yet, I don't really want to give up now after going for a year and a half.

I need to make a decision, I am supposed to go back the beginning of next week. So how do I make this decision?

Lost in Thought... if you quit, it would probably not be best to just never show up again. How about listing yr reasons for wanting to stop, and going over them with T?

tell ya what... since I am in a pretty similar place as you right now...

I will go, if you will... Deal?

I just feel SO anxious about going back. But if you go, I will too.

Just let me know how yours goes,ok?