Session with T in a couple hours....ANXIOUS....

I hate pre-T anxiety....

We just started delving into some trauma work....barely scraping the surface over the course of a couple sessions. And T has said, "Make a mental note of where we've left off, so we can get back to it"....

Because of the awfulness, I decided to "put it away" the last couple days...and now that my session is coming up, the anxiety is creeping up quickly.

And, that triggers my "I DON'T WANNA GO TO THERAPY" reflex...



I know that many here can relate.....and I'm trying not to let the anxiety consume me....but I know that when I walk into T's office, it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks...and I'm gonna wanna...



AAAHHHHHHH!!!!

When I get like that I walk into my T's office with my fists clenched tight and a lump in my throat. I intentionally avoid the conversation we should be continuing and talk about almost anything and everything I can to distract T. It never works. SO........... I'm learning to take a deep berath (several actually) and let one word come out at a time. It's painful and slow, but it work for me.

Hope you will be able to feel peace in your heart and courage in your soul when you go into see T.

((((((((MUE))))))))

I could have written a very similar post. I see T this afternoon and my heart is already pounding in a very unpleasant manner.

You can do it, you're not alone.

Thanks....

I keep trying to think to myself that T is there to help me...and this is MY journey...and this is the work I need to do to get to the other side....the bandaid has to come off sometime....and instead of fretting about it, I need to start to get that bandaid off...Even if it's a little at a time, it's progress....

But I'm not doing a good job of convincing my emotions of that....

You've probably left for your session or had it already. I hope it went well in spite of your anxiety.

Thanks!!

I went to my session, and I'm a bit disappointed....I didn't have the guts to go "back there"....we kinda talked around it a bit....and I avoided feeling any of those feelings. *sigh*

I guess today just wasn't the day for moving a step forward. Maybe next week.

((((((((MUE)))))))))

I totally trust that you did just what you were supposed to do in therapy today.

Sometimes we need to regroup. Sometimes we need to just go and be safe with T a little. Sometimes we need to feel what it's like to NOT tell to remind ourselves that we really DO want to tell.

T tells me sometimes "This is how this is supposed to be. It couldn't be happening any other way"...and it reminds me that my journey is unique, and right. I don't always like how it's unfolding, or understand it, but when I look at the big picture, I'm moving in the right direction, so I try to trust that T's right.

You've come so far, MUE. Your journey is unfolding as only your journey can unfold.

Aww, thanks, Tree....

"Sometimes we need to feel what it's like to NOT tell to remind ourselves that we really DO want to tell. "

Wow, that was amazingly insightful...and really hit home for me...I have been agonizing over what's being bottled up inside....I need to make progress, because this is eating me alive....

Yet, I know that when I am in that office, I have such a hard time...*sigh*

I used to be able to write stuff down....and get my emotions on paper....and I haven't even been able to do that over the last year or so. I feel like I've gone backwards, even though I know I have made great strides forward in other areas....

I am trying to get past self-blame....to admitting shame and humiliation...and I hate it.