Married to a T - what's it like?

SIL = sister in law

My best friend of 15 years became a T recently. Her life is not 100% perfect, and she has her share of unresolved issues that she is working on, but that has never affected the way she treats people in her regular life. She's not bossy or abusive neither does she takes her issues on other people. I see that whatever she learned as a psychology student and as a T she utilizes in her regular life. She is honestly investing time and effort into making her life and relationships healthy.

She's always been a great person and a great friend.

So I guess I can say that there are plenty of Ts who are as great in their regular life as they are with their clients. I kind of think that's the way it's supposed to be. If you are an awesome T but a lousy spouse you are not authentic.

When I read this, I wondered if our fantasies about T and their "ideal lives" (I have them too!) are a projection of our own wishes about our OWN lives? I've never really thought about it before...but I bet if we each wrote out how we imagined our T's "ideal life", each one would be different. Where does that difference come from?

I'm tired and anxious and can't think hard right now, but I think later, I will write in my journal about how I see T's ideal life, and then apply it to myself. Are those the things I want in life? And then if they are, it's like a starting point in finding the direction I need to go.

Actually, one example just popped into my head. I know my T has a lot of friends, and I know he has some very close friends. Sometimes I imagine what his relationships with those people are like, and I imagine them being supportive, open, honest, loving. I imagine him having this web of people who share his life with him. And that really *is* part of my ideal, and something I strive for. So maybe I am taking my own wishes and applying them to how I imagine T.

Definitely something to think about later. If I survive my therapy session with extra-T.

You can't BE healthy and be in T mode all the time, right, because then you'd never get any of your own needs met? To be completely focused on another person without any expectation or happening of reciprocal support is as unhealthy as only being focused on yourself. Well, maybe not *quite* as unhealthy, but who would want a partner who never wanted or wouldn't accept any support or attention directed at him? That would make me feel like a total . . . taker.

Anne

I'm married to a T. He is just my husband - not a T at home. He loves me, loves his kids, but he is just husband, son, brother....not T when he is out of the office. Sometimes I wonder how others perceive him at work, but at home he is just husband.

What intrigues about my T is that I know she would have flaws. She is human, and that's great.

I do not think one can generalize. Ts are just people like we are, may/may not bring their work home, may/may not benefit from what they learn from their life/work, etc. I have a good childhood friend who is a T and she is as good a friend now as she was then, maybe even better. My daughter-in-law is a T of sorts and she too is someone I cherish and feel good talking with.

New thread!

I used to be sooooo intimidated when my husband took me to dinner with all his friends who are also Ts. Scared theyd analyze everything i said. But that didnt happen. However i was VERY relieved that my psychiatrist ( also his friend ) didnt show up at the xmas party! Very weird tho whrn my psych would always ask how my hisband was and stuff.

I worry when a therapist talks so much about their personal life. I think if a therapist can share with a client about something in order to help the client, that might be okay, but therapists need to be there for their clients and not vent their problems.

Just a thought.

Billi