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#1
Dec 12, 2011, 12:31 PM
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My therapy has morphed again from dealing with my deep, tough issues into a coaching function...sort of like my T is a life coach these days!
I feel kind of funny that things are taking this turn, but honestly right now I don't want to go into the "big stuff" but want to walk into my Ts office and say...I made it to my exercise class this weekend. (gold star). I finished my year-end financials at work (silver star). I told that bad friend goodbye....and asked about a raise....gee, I'm setting goals and carrying them out and it feels pretty good. You get the point. It feels funny to be doing therapy this way, but right now, I am using my therapy as a way to place a stake in the ground, then see if I can run up and ....well, it's about very mundane goals right now, and that's what it is. But I find myself questioning this way of being in therapy...as less "good" than delving into my major "issues." Like it's more superficial and less "serious," but as my depression lifts and dissolves, this feels like the right way to proceed, and it seems to be working and even FUN! It just does! |
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#2
Dec 12, 2011, 01:00 PM
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It is all connected. You will have yourself all your life
 so can delve whenever you want, you control the depth and projects. If you are enjoying using T as a backstop (how many times one gets to exercise class between T appointments :-) that is just as important as the basketball hoop itself?
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#3
Dec 12, 2011, 01:01 PM
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I was thinking about this a couple days ago.
If depression is "anger turned inwards", then as the anger is released in a healthy way (with T, or with T's direction, etc), then the depression should dissipate. And although if you asked me, am I changing, I might say "not that Ive noticed", well actually I do think I am a lot less angry, so maybe the answer is yes after all. Those "mundane goals" ... I respect them. Accepting & carrying out a commitment to speak in public, going to tend a sick parent with a lot of history, eating alone in a restaurant, taking a chance and being the first to give, or to forgive, getting on a plane, taking that first tiny step to stop eating/drinking too much.... just trying to do any of this, especially for the Nth time, having failed before ..... and a thousand other things that those IRL might call mundane; they can be immensely hard and they reach to such deep levels. Good work I say, for all those who accomplish them or even try to do so. |
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#4
Dec 12, 2011, 01:43 PM
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#5
Dec 12, 2011, 01:44 PM
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#6
Dec 12, 2011, 02:48 PM
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Some of the issues I would like to work on in my life are exercising more and losing weight. I don't see how T can help... I was thinking maybe I could use our very close relationship, which is rewarding to me, to help motivate me to exercise and lose weight. Like I would not allow myself to see T for a new session unless I had lost X number of pounds. Even something like 1-2 lbs loss required for a therapy session might set me going in the right direction. I don't know--is that stupid? I just can't think how else therapy could help with this unless I use it as a reward/motivator. I have other non-exercise/health "mundane" issues too that I would like his help with... Maybe I need a coach... Maybe I need more competency in my life... Quote:
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__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
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#7
Dec 12, 2011, 02:58 PM
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Can T not explore with a client the reasons behind maintaining the weight? since the theory seems to be that we don't do anything unless we see a benefit in there somehow? I would expect this to be very delicate work for the T/client dyad (because so bound up in self image, so intimate a subject for client, extending to defenses maybe, revenge feelings maybe, many other possibles) and very appropriate for a therapy subject. |
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#8
Dec 12, 2011, 03:17 PM
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Maybe someone can explain the differences. I have an unusual situation where my ex therapist lost his license and is now acting as a "mentor"
or basically a life coach. But when I have seen him, it feels like nothing different than therapy. I dont know if he is able to refrain from falling into the therapist mode with me. I dont have a problem with it, I would rather have counseling than mentorship. I'm going to him occassionally for back up when my therapist is gone.
__________________
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars Og Mandino |
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#9
Dec 12, 2011, 03:39 PM
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Is life-coaching not a part of the therapy package? I've always felt like it has been for me. We're working through my old issues, tackling my anxiety and depression, my lack of self esteem and self confidence - but with the aim of me being able to change, to identify and achieve my goals, and have a better quality of life.
I discuss all aspects of my life with my T - and that has included exercise and diet, because those things have an effect on mood, confidence, etc... I agree with what Perna said, "It's all connected." |
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#10
Dec 12, 2011, 04:34 PM
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I explored the issues of exercising...why I avoided it, what fears I had and where they came from, and then set the goals (which were like stakes in the ground), which I expanded into objectives with timelines. Then, I created a situation where I kept talking about what aspects of the program I liked, and what I didn't. Interestingly, I learned that a lot of my other "issues" that have plagued me in other areas of my life surfaced in the exercise class itself. For example, I acted like the class clown in the exercise class, quite in keeping with pattern to take on the role of entertainer...as I do at my day job. Unfortunately, I also put up with some pretty unacceptable behavior handed down by the instructor at the exercise class (she used me as an example of how not to do certain exercises and called me "retarded" more than once, which was so unaccceptable on so many levels, and I said so....), until I made it clear that I would not tolerate such garbage. Also, a lot of my rather goofy and dysfunctional sibling oriented behavior surfaced in the class. All in all, I used the class as a laboratory for my therapy, and also attained some fitness goals while I did so. But I made a tangible goal: run a major road race, and I did it, and I think my T acted as a "coach."
As my depression continues to evaporate (in no small measure due to the exercise class), I can see how my therapy is turning more into a "coaching" relationship. I'm not sure that there was ever a huge difference in my mind. Perhaps this is all a bunch of semantics and it's me, less than the therapeutic process, that is shifting. Just some observations. blessings, MCL |
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#11
Dec 12, 2011, 04:38 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
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#12
Dec 13, 2011, 07:25 PM
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"Withholding" is a punishment - and a nasty one.
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
 sittingatwatersedge
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