[KazzaX]

I think I might have found a grounding method that works for me! Pain! Although not self injuring or anything like that. Just like pinching or digging my nails in but not hard enough to do any damage or break the skin or anything like that. I think it's the physical shock that you get when something stings and that snaps me back to the planet earth. Although pain is generally a bad thing, I think I could do it in a safe, non harmful manner in a therapy session and it would be very useful. The rubber band thing doesn't seem to work but I will keep trying it, you never know. I think it is the shock value that does the trick.

I found this out today when I was absolutely ropeable, and I sort of did it without thinking, and next thing I knew I wasn't fuming anymore. When I look back on my life, I realise I had been using this concept in various forms since I was 3. But I had to stop when I was about 20 ish due to various reasons (I wanted to stop it because "normal people dont do that"). Coincidentally that is when I started going mentally downhill. Coincidence? who knows.. but its interesting.

So finally something positive to tell my T next year!

I don't know if this is something "normal" people don't do. I hear all the time about people biting the inside of their mouth or something to stay in control of their emotions.

[CantExplain]

Yes, pain can be grounding. If I'm worried about the future or dwelling on the past, pain brings my mind back into the present.

SPECULATION:
It's adrenaline that does the job. Pain, exercise and masturbation are all great stress relievers.

[KazzaX]

Nah for me adrenaline = anxiety. I think its just the shock value. Its good though cuz now I get why I used to have weird habits all my life, it all seems to relate to this.

[Aslan]

Few months ago , I emptied my whole flat ,
and was only left with a mattress and the clothes on my back
I destroyed all my belongings, blank slate. Next 3 months,
I survived on xxxx takeaway food supplied by my freind.
I had to pay for his food too. Very expensive

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Aslan

Few months ago , I emptied my whole flat ,
and was only left with a mattress and the clothes on my back
I destroyed all my belongings, blank slate. Next 3 months,
I survived on xxxx takeaway food supplied by my freind.
I had to pay for his food too. Very expensive

There's a song here:

Few months ago, I emptied my flat.
All I had left was the clothes on my back.
'stroyed my belongings, told my best dude
to spend all my money on take away food.

I got the blues...

[KazzaX]

Yeah I have been tempted to do that on occasion, lol.

[stopdog]

Pain is usually the only way I can function after an appointment with the t.

My T does not approve of any method that causes any feeling of physical pain. Snapping rubber bands, holding ice, etc are all negative in her opinion. Because we don't want to reinforce to our brain that we deserve pain of any kind to make this better. Because after a while snapping a band won't be enough, and the intensity could easily get out of hand.

[Aslan]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

There's a song here:

Few months ago, I emptied my flat.
All I had left was the clothes on my back.
'stroyed my belongings, told my best dude
to spend all my money on take away food.

I got the blues...

excellent, made me laugh, thanks

[KazzaX]

Yeah I had thought something similar stormyangels. But I figure if nothing else works, then why not. I'm thinking actually being in her office when I'm doing it would be a good deterrant not to do it overboard... because I know in a flick of the wrist she could have the psych people in there and me taken to the psych ward just down the hall, lol. (her office is in the hospital)

[stopdog]

The one I see does not really seem to think it matters one way or the other.

[KazzaX]

I was thinking I'd just mention it to the T and if she doesn't like the idea, maybe she has another method that has been used with other clients that may sort of work as a substitute. I'll tell her and see what she says.

[unaluna]

I am reading Pre-Object Relatedness - Early Attachment and the Psychoanalytic Situation by Ivri Kumin. Last night I skipped ahead, which I never do! So he says that if baby was upset, and mummy responded with more upset, then THAT is what forms our own ego's signal-response system, and why we don't have affect regulation, we just get MORE upset. The other bad option is signal negation (she doesn't respond at all), wherein we learn to ignore our feelings. ie we literally learn how to treat ourselves by how we were treated.

Not that crap about, we teach other others how to treat us. I mean, eventually sure we do, but to CHANGE that, I think we have to relearn how to treat ourselves, which would be to re-enter a pre-object state with T? ie lose your mind! to gain it again.

I think that's why T & I do hug. to say, this is a different way, a different place, from what used to be. the hug has always been very calculated, never felt anywhere NEAR natural until recently - and it's been about 5 years. Not saying you HAFTA hug, just noticing recently here I am glad we do.

So I guess I am asking, why do we deny ourselves the comfort, the reprogramming!, that is available from T, until it is too late? Way too late, I waited way too long. I am allowing myself some change now, but I need more, and I hit bottom so many times and so hard there are major dents in it.

[JustWannaDisappear]

Originally Posted by KazzaX

I was thinking I'd just mention it to the T and if she doesn't like the idea, maybe she has another method that has been used with other clients that may sort of work as a substitute. I'll tell her and see what she says.

What about mindfulness?

It's hard to stop yourself (at least for me) at times. I pinch and dig my nails into myself during sessions and tear my cuticles. Most of the time I don't realize I'm doing this until later.

For me, it's the pain on the outside controlling my anxiety and pain on the inside.

[KazzaX]

Yeah i've been doing mindfulness for about a year now but it still doesn't seem to have any effect on me. T thinks its because I'm in the wrong state of mind during it, but she won't tell me what the "right" state of mind is, I have to "Work it out for myself". So I'm not really going to worry about that anymore. I'm gonna try and focus on this grounding business for now - i think it could be very beneficial for now. I can do mindfulness later when I'm in a better state of mind I think.