confused and getting confused-er

The more i hear and read the more confusing things are. I have been in therapy with somewhere around a dozen different people (for various reasons) and they all have different ideas no less different diagnoses. Then the things I read dont seem to match any of that either. Is depression an illness or a choice/excuse? Does remembering/analyzing the past really matter? does it need to be done or not, should youjust focus on changing behaviors of today without know why the behaviors exist? Does theraoy even work or is it necessary or are you just looking for attention and could really help yourself? Are meds helpful/necessary or harmful? I know all people and situations are different but what to do with all this information? how do you choose a path to follow? I would say folow my feelings - but i do not have them, logic and reasoning rules my wold and I cannot seem to logic my way through this. Not to mention I am barely able to a sentence in therapy, and cant really remember one session to the next to make any forward progress. Just trying to figure out if there is a way to figure out what the problem is and what to do with it in the face of all the contradicting information. Im really really really disconnected from myself and really the world it seems and dont know how to get involved as it has been like this for as long as I can remember for reasons I do not know and do not know how to figure out or even if I should or need to figure it out. Spinning my wheels going in circles, thinking thinking thinking and not figuring anything out.

I have no solutions for you. Though I find the answere often lies in the middle on not in the extremes. I also wanted to say I feel for you and I often feel like you. Welcome here, I hope it helps you find your own answers and also gives you the support you want. Take care.

Lincoln,

It is hard to know what to do, how to do it and when to do it. I was in therapy for years before it "ice melted". It took that long for the awareness, etc., to increase so that I could even do the hard work.

You'll get there and it will be almost like a "lightbulb" being switched on. You'll see more clearly your path and the final goal.

I wish you more than well.

KD

That does sound confusing to me! I wonder why you have had so many Ts, and in how much of a time period? Perhaps taking notes, or taking one issue you wish to work on, written on a piece of paper for session, would help?

Sometimes, especially when there's much going on in your life, the T allows you to talk about them, going from one event to the next. That surely can feel like getting nowhere, as you are "merely" recounting things that happened and how they made you feel. If you keep getting a different T, then that could, possilbe go on "forever" and not a good solution, imo.

Everything really is connected, imo... so if you begin to pull one thread, and continue with that thread of thought & feelings, then the whole ball will eventually begin to unravel, and make sense.

Therapy is work, don't let anyone tell you differently. TC and do your best.

ty all for your answers. i have had this many Ts in about 5 years for different reasons - I moved, they moved, other inpatient, a few i frustrated them to the point they referred me away. Anyways I know it is work, i just dont know what work to do. I might sound like an idiot for saying that but I dont know. And the T's leave it so open ended - like "why are you here, how would things look if they were different" and I dont know what to say. Maybe i think too much, who knows, who cares.

basically how I handle this is first when with a therapist go with what that person is trying to do for starters because they are my present therapist. each therapist has different rules, standards, and beliefs. Sometimes those beliefs are not going to agree with me and sometimes they arent. but the fact is they have access to the most recent and updated material.

Reading outside therapy material - yea theres alot of conflicting views out there.

First I check the date of printing of that information. If it isnt within the past 5 years I throw it out mainly because there is more recent and updated material out there.

Then I bring in to my therapy sessions what I am finding, learning and doing outside of therapy. That way if I don't understand something the therapist who has access to all these materials not only from the publically available versions but also the information that is only available to professionals can help me weed through and understand it.

Lastly I take care of the immediate today problems first. Where today is concerned It doesn't matter what happened in the past at that moment what matters is my waking up and not wanting to get out of bed, wanting to die. laying there in bed today trying to find out the past isnt going to get me out of that bed today and keep me from killing myself today. what is going to help is using those coping tools.

Then when todays depression symptoms are at least managable THEN I look to see if there is something from the past triggering my reactions.
Then I take care of that trigger by using still more coping tools that I learned in therapy and classes for depression.