Ready to reveal all with t tomorrow

Blue .... I had the same effect with Wellbutrin and have since quit the meds and behavior. Careful with the kolonopin and liquor it's a bad mix, I've seen it make people violent....just my little med moment...tehe

Congrats on the spewing of the truths! It makes me feel courageous!

Thanks, Lola!
Yes, both docs warned me several times not to mix alcohol and klonopin. I am just glad that there might be some answer to why my alcohol use increased so much in the last month, and I am not even depressed, just hypo-manic and feeling like I can't sit still at all.
I was on Wellbutrin several years ago, but I don't remember any reaction like this. I guess my body chemistry has changed.

Actually I was full of honesty today-I told t I didn't like to meet in her office, so we met in the extra waiting room. I also told her that I wasn't going to write so much in my journal because I get very uncomfortable when she reads it and then writes on her pad-of course, she had an equally honest reply, saying that the longer it took to get through my course of healing the more it would cost me, so I should probably look at this from a financial perspective. I quit being so honest after that.

Bluemountains

Ouch.
Good for you with telling her though. Hope it's going well.

I wish I could say that all is wonderful, and this I am ready to tackle the world. I am still working at this, but it is hard. I haven't been able to completely give up the drinking, and I have used some other drugs in a way that I should not have, but I am keeping a drink count and being honest about it. Of course, I can't drink when taking Klonopin, so I am forced to change my habits most days.

Also, I have messed up my ad meds because I decided that I knew better how to adjust these than my doctor, who wrote out detailed instructions. I am too embarrassed to share what I have done in this post, but I am feeling the effects of my mistakes, and I will have to call my doctor on Tuesday. I dread having to acknowledge what I have done in order to get myself regulated. This is after I assured the doc at my last appt. that I did not need for my husband to help distribute the medications. It is also back the the T on Tuesday, so I will get to hear myself admit how messed up my thinking is a second time.

Maybe someone can give some suggestions on how to protect myself from my irrational thoughts. Hopefully I don't do too much damage before my psych. visit in a couple of weeks. The bad thing is, I am not trying to be self-destructive. Somewhere in my mind I keep justifying what I am doing.

Bluemountains

At any given time, all we can do is begin where we are.
What is good is that you know where you are, and how you got there. You are working through this, and learning as you go. Look how much you've just learned about yourself.
I wonder if it might be a good idea to see your pdoc sooner than a couple of weeks, to just plunge in and get right back on track as soon as possible.

Hi bluemoutains wow it sounds like you are making some really good progress right now - that is very inspiring to me/

I know my brain can play tricks with me at times and there will be part of me saying that something is not a good idea while another part would be telling me to lighten up and I will feel powerless to stop it. If it is difficult for you at the moment to administer your meds as per the schedule advised by your doc, maybe it is worth considering asking your husband for help in this? It will be hard for you and the docs to get a good picture of how these meds are helping you if they are unclear on how you are taking them.

But hugs to you - you are doing a great job right now in moving forward - Soup

Thanks Echos and Soup!

I don't know how to quote from two different posts, so I can't highlight how important your words are to me. I am a bit emotional right now because I got very little sleep-the klonopin isn't helping to control the thougths yet, or maybe never. Also, I have to deal with a family gathering this evening for a funeral, and this is a time I have to be around my father/abuser along with the other disfunctional siblings, cousins, etc. I wish now that I had used my wine/codeine combination to sleep last night because this is the only way I can currently turn off my brain for a few hours and rest.
My pdoc appt. is actually now 10 days away, so it is better than 2 weeks. The only way I can be seen earlier is the hospital route, and I believe I can maintain enough without going this route.
As I mentioned, I will see the t tomorrow, and I am getting ready to write down a bunch of feelings to go over while these are still fresh.

Thanks!
Bluemountains

Sounds good that you are seeing your T tomorrow - that funeral gathering sounds like it could be really tough with the added pressures you are under (lack of sleep and other people who are attending). Does your husband know how you are doing at the moment? Can you have a plan so that you can have some time to yourself if you need to have a break - an important phone call you have to make, a lie down as you have a bad headache / back ache?

Will be thinking of you - hugs - Soup

Thanks so much, Soup, that means a lot. I am going by myself today, a two hr. drive each way. My husband knows a bit about what is going on in my head. I don't want to overwhelm him. I put him through a rough couple of days by taking my anger out on him. He works third shift and just got off for the evening. I will use my children's first day back to school tomorrow as an excuse to make my evening as short as possible. I am going to try resting before traveling, a lazy day up until then.

Bluemountains

i hope thing will be ok for you today let us know how things go