I need my T

I seem to only post in this forum when I'm having a hard time. So sorry in advance for constantly complaining.

I'm not depressed, lamictal is the one drug that has actually helped. That said, I can't shake these thoughts that I am an awful person. I don't know how to verbalize (or write down) what's going on in my head. It's too scary. Other than this place I don't tell anyone how I feel. I hear from my husband and T that I'm too hard on myself. I think, total BS I'm not hard enough.

I'm really really struggling with my son. He's three and I honestly think he hates me. My husband and T say he's three he doesn't know HOW to hate. Than WHY WHY WHY does he meltdown, kick, bite and scratch ONLY me?! Yeah so I'm the safety parent. I get that. But when I pick him up from somewhere or walk in the door and I'm greeted with a a full on screaming meltdown, what else am I suppose to think?!

I wish I could just tell my T this and have her acknowledge how much this affects me. Someone took my appointment time AGAIN this week. I really really need her but am not going to be needy. I'm stubborn and need to get through this on my own but I wish I didn't have to.

Hi JWD. I didn't understand if your t said she can't see you this week or if you haven't asked. If you haven't ask, why not tell her you need help?

I don't have kids but I think that behavior seems normal for little kids sometimes. Maybe they are tired or hungry or afraid of whatever happened at school, and all they know of is to have a tantrum.

I have a hard time liking myself sometimes too and I know that I think other people like me less when I'm feeling more down on myself. I hope you can let your t help you like yourself more.

Ouch! I don't know what to say.

It's definitely normal for the meltdowns and tantrums, but my son has Sensory processing disorder and any difference in routine causes major anxiety in him, and he gets overloaded from noises, smells etc. He also has a speech delay and gets very violent (kicking, biting, scratching, pulling hair) when you don't know what he needs and tends to "lose" his words when like this. Can take minutes to hours to calm him. Which is why it makes things very difficult and being told he is only like this when I'm around is pretty upsetting.

I don't know how to ask my T for help when I really need it. I try to get through things on my own, and I do make it through but I usually come out the other side pretty exhausted and beaten down. My T said one of her old clients booked several weeks in a row in the same time slot that I normally take and since both T & I were OOT she didn't know. I'm not upset over that. It happens, just ironically I seem to need her more when I can't see her.

I don't have a good memory of when I was really young but when I was older I would say I had the most arguments and got angriest at the family member who I was closest to. I think because it felt safe to show anger to that person and I didn't really trust other people enough to show those negative emotions and yet hiding them didn't help, so then they would probably all be stored up and taken out on the person I did trust.

And from your post I really hear how much it affects you and I hear how much you need your T. I'm relating to the latter very strongly this week too.

I'm the same as you, not knowing how to ask for help....I really need T but make it out the other side in one piece, exhausted and maybe not really in one piece... T tells me I can get in contact when I need to, we discussed this last week, but because I know that no matter how low I get (ROCK bottom) I still just keep on going, on my own, so it doesn't feel okay to contact her. She's away this week and said she'd text me. She might forget and if she does there's no way I'll be bugging her on her week off because I hope she's too busy enjoying life!

(((JWD)))
I've been there and 3 is a tough year! Probably the reason why your son behaves the way he does with you is that you're the mom, and he is most comfortable with you. He knows that you love him unconditionally, and he knows that you are the one he can have meltdowns with.

Your t should be able to provide strategies to help you in dealing with your son's behavior as well as training his behavior to be more positive. If she is not trained to do so, then perhaps you need to ask your t for a reference in order to find someone who is trained to help you.

When you are able to tell your t how you feel about the appointment changes, she will be able to help you in dealing with this. Also, we all wish we could get through our problems on our own, and maybe one day we will, but for now, that is what therapy is for!

Peace!
Bluemountains

Thanks Bluemountains. I do remember 3 being hard with my daugher too, but definitely not this hard. My son went from basically deaf to hearing once he had surgery and ever since he's had a very hard time adjusting. I'm trying so hard to keep my cool but it's wearing me down. Thankfully I have plenty of outside support through his school, OT, developmental ped & regular ped., play therapist as well as my T.

She doesn't know a whole lot about SPD but has shown great interest and told me she wants to take a training class on it to learn more and help me with him. I've also bought a book that I'll be giving her next week about SPD and hoping she can gain some insight.

I'm not sure who came up with terrible two's because three's are much much worse.

Justwannadisappear, I don't know if this applies and your son's treatment team might already be using this technique, but I know that the children I work with who have severe emotional problems and also SPD get overwhelmed easily and lose their ability to communicate verbally. The children I work with are older than your son, but at times, they have tantrums that resemble a 3 yr. old tantrum. We use visual cue cards and sign to help them communicate easier when they are emotionally overwhelmed and can't "tell" us what they want or need. We introduce the use of cards and/or signs when they are calm and not overwhelmed. We practice the use of them so the aren't foreign when the meltdown actually ocurs.

For example, I worked with a girl who was fourteen who just totally disintergrated emotionally when frustrated or angry. She was able to come up with the one sign that was a signal that things were beginning to get out of control for her (two fists knuckle to knuckle--the sign for frustrated). We would practice this sign at different times when she wasn't actually frustrated so she became familiar and comfortable using it and knowing that staff understood and responded to her expression of frustration. She also carried a plastic sheet inside her notebook with things she could ask for to help her soothe when angry--pictorial respresentations of what she wanted to do to relieve her frustration. This is at a lot higher level than what a three year old can use or understand, but it gives you an idea how even an older child with SPD can learn to use supports to express their emotions when overwhelmed. I'm sure it's something your son's speech therapist could help you with. . . .of course, you all might already being doing something like this and the little guy is still struggling. I hope you and he are able to find a way to communicate in a more effective when when he's distressed. Take care.