Something odd

Quite - it is not expected, not known, not useful and not usual.

Seriously? How? I really do not know how this would be positive.

Intimacy - had he gone mad? What was he thinking using language like that? Why would anyone want to be intimate with a therapist (And I do not mean just or even at all physically)

On the plus side - I just learned how to multple quote.

No, sorry, hijack not ending quite yet - I looooove Jon Stewart. <swoon>

Maybe that's a good idea for a new thread - who does your T look like?

[quote=ECHOES;2196686]Could it be that somewhere in there you have been appreciating her commitment and reliability, and now...
[quote]

I don't think so. I am not sure I find her committed and reliable.
It does not sound like me.

I would have to remember what she looked like first.

Congratulations Conga Line!

Stopdog, you are precious...........

Is that good or bad?

Hmmm, so it isn't the dynamic that you speak about in another thread that you might actually be missing?

The one where I said I pay someone to fight with? I must really be losing my mind if I cannot remember saying she is committed and reliable. Did I perhaps say I sometimes think she is committable? Which completely sounds like something I would say.
On the other hand, I may be missing something or I would not be so off about it.

Good!.....

Suppose your heart did expand.
What would that mean, exactly?
And why would that be so terrible?

I hated the whos and particularly little cindy lou who who was no more than 2. and all the noise noise noise. I felt the grinch's pain on that one.

As for me.- I think my heart is just fine. There is such a thing as enough. More would be too much. I do not go to a therapist to have organs messed with.

I think I am going to make an appointment with one of the back up therapists.

Sounds like a good idea stopdog.

It was this one that I came upon in the thread titled "none of it is real"

Echoes - thanks for going to all the trouble to find that. I did not think of it as meaning I found her committed and reliable, but I understand. I admit to some small amount of attachment. Just not enough to warrant this reaction.

I think if I go see one of the back up therapists, I will be reassured I find them all (of the ones I found somewhat not unacceptable) interchangeable and maybe this feeling of what ever it is (disgruntled, off, weird, or something) will abate.

So if you can make them all unimportant to you, you will feel more comfortable?

I guess that is a way to say it. I will think about it. I am not positive unimportant is quite right - but I do not yet have a more accurate word. I am also not certain that my experiment will work, but I do not think it can make things worse. As I am distressed over my reaction, I am trying to find a resolution.

Stopdog,
I hope you go back to the other T, please let us know! Just out of curiosity, what brought you to see a therapist?

I will go back to other t. I keep going back to her even though I quit all the time.

It is sort of hard to explain why I went to a therapist. I feel bad (because I have no good other more specific word-, anxiety, wrongness all are not quite it and would need to be combined. That therapist has called it shame) all the time in varying degrees of intensity for absolutely no reason that I know of.

Unimportant things/people/experiences are less threatening/intimidating/scary.

I really cannot remember what she looks like from week to week. If I was that hooked in, or if she was that important to me wouldn't it be reasonable to think I could?

Maybe it is hard for you to focus on her during session because you are dealing with all sorts of things internally?

I am so whackadoodle about this, I find comfort in the idea I may just be upset at the idea of her coming back but being an unworthy adversary due to injury/fatigue. And then I would have to hold back, like when engaging with children or students, or the very literal and so forth.
I might be a jerk, but at least I would not be attached in an unseemly fashion

The jerk is the lesser of the 2 evils!