Something odd

You respect your T as an adversary? That would explain why you miss her and want her to be at full strength.

Good insight!

My T doesn't agree, but ... enemies are important!

Why?......

I thnk it's really cool that you don't hold back and second guess yourself and you want her to be at full strength. For some reason, I think that all bodes well, but I'm feeling very optimistic about you these days!

Absolutely. And I understand jerk and have control

I don't fully equate adversary as enemy. Perhaps opponent would be more accurate.

Thanks. The end of your post is sort of an unsettling turn of events.

[quote=stopdog;2199661]I don't fully equate adversary as enemy. Perhaps worthy opponent would be more accurate.quote]

I sooooo understand this! Thanks for saying it, stopdog.
It kind of goes back to another thread here on PC--I love a good debate and if I can't have it, then I'm disappointed. Unfortunately, my therapist will often say, "I'm not going to debate this with you. I know you know the literature better than I do." Somehow, it always makes me all warm inside Just gotta love my competitive, narcissistic need to win!

I think may have overstated her abilities on the opponent/adversary part - worthy is probably over the top. She is a reasonably adequate or not completely inadequate opponent. This sort of thing is exactly what I am talking about. Not normal for me at all.

i just read my earlier post and am reassured I did not flatly state worthy.

They help us to know who we are.

Without the Joker, how could Batman even exist?

So the enemies bring out our darker sides? Kind people can help us too?

I don't think this is quite what I was trying to say.

Some people are more easily understood (and perhaps more easily admired) when we remember what they fought against.

Examples: William Wilberforce, Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill, George Washington.

What a fascinating post. Please let us know what happens. Stopdog, you are most endearing. Who knew the Grinch was so lovable?

So is she Winston Churchill or am I? I probably look more like him.
I prefer to think of the pairing as more Hamilton v. Jefferson
Or Evert v. Navratilova
Or Troi v. Spock
Or Pinky v. The Brain

I think Troi vs Spock is very apt. You're Spock. I think Troi is outclassed intellectually, but she has some tricks of her own.

I have found the therapist to be wily, even if not particularly quick.

I guess I like the easier way. Fighting with an enemy takes a lot of energy. Do we need Batman? I think that it would be easier to do away with both the Joker and Batman and all of those other people and their enemies.

I'm thinking that you like these themes because it helps you to work through your past??

Well, perhaps I just need to fight.

The t was there today. It was not as horrible as it can be. Probably too much chatting for me, but other than kind of being pointless nothing went especially wrong. Now I want to pound myself into a wall or cement. I do not fully know why.

Do you partially know why?

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time. Does this happen after every single session or just some of the time?

I hope you figure this out Stopdog. Maybe you didn't get something that you needed?

The only thing I can think of that I need and did not get is the knowledge of how to stop feeling like this. I am not being facetious in this response. Otherwise I don't really need anything from the therapist. To stop this is why I started seeing a therapist in the first place. It is combined with the anxiety stuff.

You can't stop (or change, or whatever) feelings with knowledge. You change feelings with feelings, by acts of bravery, by risking. Granite (sorry to keep ringing that bell, but what an example this week!) changed her feelings (or at least their focus) by taking a risk and calling her T and asking for something. But it was relatively easy to discern what actions granite could take, based on what she had wtitten about her thoughts during sessions? She's pretty much an open book (if only I could write like that! I am GREEN!!!) Anyway, that is why I am pushing the granite scenario so hard. I felt we did have a breakthru with the wanting to self obliterate. I guess I see what Anne-3 is saying. The only way around is through - but it's like you're saying, can't we stop (the pain) before we even get there? Would that we could.

So - stop feeling like what? And put it in terms of what you would ask your T to do for you (e.g., apologize). And not just one sentence, this is an essay question. You're probably going to say again, you don't know what I'm talking about. That's okay, it's for everybody (me 2) and it doesn't have to be shared. Just thinking out loud here as usual.

There isn't any quick remedy out there. If you want to heal, really heal, there is only the slow, tedious process of letting out your feelings/thoughts/beliefs and examining them. It isn't easy and it can be painful, but well worth it.