do I tell the T what the T wants to hear?

...I have failed through so many psychotherapeutic relationships because I have been afraid they will give up on me and tell me I cannot be helped!

so I have used my meticulous hyperalert mind to manage my therapy over the years to make sure I keep getting it!

...and meanwhile I have not been accomplishing anything much apart from recycling my personal traumas over and over because I eventually crack and vanish.

with therapists it doesn't get much worse than confessing I don't GET IT! after a year or more of insisting I am GETTIN' IT!

I can see it coming...they don't see it coming, I pity them...I just dis-appear!

lies' with the best of intentions...what irony for the mentally ill ...for me!

to have brains yet emotionally handicapped.

there is not a single professional I have not inadvertantly manipulated for my own comfort just to have them there. It's easy for me to tell them what they want to hear ...but my ears are different and it's too loud...or too quiet...either way I don't understand myself.

I just want a therapist to understand that!

Well, that's one way to do it, however, it won't accomplish much ...

Perhaps you could print out what you just wrote here and give it to your current therapist.

I believe they'll probably already realize that this is going on, but at least it will be out in the open.

What do therapist want to hear? :s

Hm....to answer your thread's question...my answer would have to be.......h*ll to the NO.

Remember that you pay them to help you. You are not there to please or try and impress them. There are plenty of people in the world to do that with. You are there for yourself, not the the therapist.

very excellent question!

do they want to hear that we are doing well ?

do they want to hear that what they are helping us with is actually helping?

do they want to hear that I don't need them anymore?

do they want to hear that they are the best damn therapist I have ever had?

do they want to hear that I have listened to their problems that I hope they will be ok?

do they want to hear that it seems they have more problems than I do and I won't bring mine up any more?

...ooops earthmamma...seems I might have some issues with therapy.

Why would you do that? Therapy isn't about the T, it is about you. T's know it takes a long time to "get it"; I was in therapy 9 years each time with my T (with 9 years inbetween); started seeing her in 1977 and didn't "get it" until 2003! As that really obnoxious commercial says, "It's your money!"

...I guess it's pretty simple....with borderline personality a client feels very very fortunate to have even the slightest attention of the medical kind...which is needed quite often, and unfortunately....

therefore a borderline person often finds themselves in the position of avoiding abandonment at all costs and the nature of T appoinments makes it very hard to trust...

so there is alot of people pleasing going on just to maintain the connection...it's the same in relationships...but omg

it's hard

...I mean...I should know by now...but my T just gave up on me because I did things in my life that showed him that I was not getting better...

I believe I am getting better....and I realised that... when I told him that it is quite possible that I have just been agreeing with him.!

oh boy...now I am confused a bit.

I really do appreciate all the responses..

I drift through this forum having a look....

but I know I really have some experiences here...I have had about 40 professionals try and do their thing with me.

some have crashed in the process...others have transferred me ...some have tried their best and ...well got sick themselves..

I don't think you have issues with therapy apart from fear of it. Sounds more like you have issues with yourself.

thats a very abstract comment earthmamma? yet also direct!

does anybody here at pc .....perhaps not have issues with themselves?

or have I mis-read you?

sure I fear therapy...my trust has been trashed a few times.

are you sure you want to accuse me of issues with myself without knowing me?

I don't think it's a good idea

I simply read what you had written and deduced it my dear man watson. You seem upset by what I've written. Do you know why?

well of course if he did not have any issues why would he ever be in therapy that should not even have to go through anyones mind just saying just my oppinion he has issues and thats what therapists are there to deal and help the client with correct? a borderline client has many issues and it is difficult no matter what therapist u see or for the duration its not justified to blame the client as to saying well the client is not helping himself or herself and therapists know that. thats why people go to therapists in the first place because of issues, not because they are well, so in my oppinion just to say you think doublemonkey has issues i just dont get it in my oppinion and respectfully urs sweepy

Sweepy please don't triangulate.

triangulate ? all i was doing was giving my oppinion thats what we do here respectfully that is, i was interpreting what you replied with just as u were interpreting what you understood from his post its all good, just oppinions and not meant to offend anyone.

earthmamma...I wish I didn't have to get cynical with you.
I do not know why you have aquired a resentment.

but if you want to go geometry....your angle is obtuse....acutely inflexible!

squarely offline and peculiar.

whatever your problem....feel free to pm me.

I can see ahead to an understanding and this is a fact because I have no issue with you.

I look forward to knowing you better so I may not get out of SHAPE....
in the future

james

Doublemonkey, you posted about therapy and therapists, and I merely pointed out the issue isn't with therapist its with your opinion of therapist, ie the issues are with you. I thought you were a top class manipulater it appears its smoke and mirrors. Good luck on your journey.

I might be wrong (sorry dubblemonkey if I am completely off-base), but it appears that dm enjoys the challenge of making therapy a game. It seems that dm wants to prove that he has the ins and outs of therapy mastered so well that he can completely manipulate the sessions...again, it's just what I'm "reading into" dubblemonkey's posts; however, I have realized he likes a good game and a mental challenge.

Okay, dubblemonkey, here's the lecture part-when you are ready to get something else out of therapy, it's up to you to really invest yourself, the real you, in the sessions!

Bluemountains

Dubblemonkey, look at your language! Earthmamma is not "accusing" you of anything! She is giving her opinion, based on her perception gathered from your words. The "correct" response is, "thank you for sharing your point of view, earthmamma". If you did not have the sort of issues with yourself that one seems to see from outside, you might even add, "Can you tell me more about these issues you see, I'm curious."

I found your previous statement, "my T just gave up on me because I did things in my life that showed him that I was not getting better" interesting. The "I did things in my life", the "I did" is disconnected from the responsibility of "I was not getting better". Why are you choosing to do things that you perceive as showing that you are not getting better?

...well earthmamma you thought right...or correct...or precisely!

I am a master manipulator.....!

now let me be wrong here I hope because it's way off the path.

Are you expecting me to manipulate you earthmamma?

because you seem suspiciously dis-appointed that you are not somehow manipulated!

is that what you like? feeding of potentially negative information to dump me somewhere that I already know to well.

I will not play this game with you....unless you want to.

you are more than welcome to come face to face with someone who is sympathetic with your mis understanding and likewise considerate to replying each time you challenge me!

which I cannot figure out.

...and earthmumma...I sense that you are competitive here for personal reasons of your own ...and thats your life!

and that being the case...you will lose...because I am not trying to win.!

welcome to true and real compassionate borderline.
and I don't need your good wishes on my journey because they are not heartfelt...and

....even you know that!

...ok..I am way too sensitive tonight and many things get mis-construed.

I am pulling out of this situation...I take responsibility for not being stable enough to be rational enough.

I apologise...not to keep the peace but to be real.

forgive me earthmamma.

thanks for your patience.

James

The answer to your question...NO. My T actually said very early on.. "do NOT just tell me what I want to hear." For the most part I don't, but if he's worried about me, sometimes I do.

I hope you feel better.

I guess you have not had a T that bounced their stuff off you!

ok...thankyou...

yeah...I think I screwed up there......yep
I did
db