T exists outside of that room.

For the first time ever, I saw T in real life today, walking down the street. Luckily I didn't spot T until we were practically adjacent to each other, so didn't have time to worry about crossing over the road, whether to say hello, whether T would indeed recognise / acknowledge me. So it was just a brief moment of eye contact and a small acknowledging smile.

I was with my kids and generally one of them is holding my hand - but at that point neither of them were. I so wished T had seen me holding hands with them, so T would know I can connect with people, touch isn't off limits with everyone in my life. So now I think T must have thought that I can't even bear them touching me.

Still I glad that bumping into T is no longer a "what if" fear - it has happened and I have lived to tell the tale. SD

If I ever have to experience a "out of the room" meeting, I hope mine is handled just like your experience... You both acknowledged each other but you went on with your individual ordinary "out of the room" life.

Yes that describes it so well Readytostop - we did just continue with our individual ordinary lives and for me looking back it felt mutually respectful.

SD... I have issues with touch to and my T. sometimes makes jokes about it... I was explaining how I was getting upset while at a friends apartment and I just had to get up and leave quickly cause I didn't want her to see me get upset... and he said "what would she do that could be so horrible. .. oh I know she would hug you".. Weeks later I was still upset thinking he thinks I can't have anyone touch me...

So we actually spent a whole session talking about what "touch" is okay with me and what isn't... It was really helpful to me and it made me think he understands me and helped me work through what some "triggers" are... Like ... a hug is okay with some one I know cause usually a person hugs you from in front of you and you see them coming and the start of a hug is kind of an invitation... but someone coming up from side and giving me a side squeeze hug when I didn't see them coming could earn them a serious jab in ribs and a panic attack for me......my point is that maybe "touch" would be a topic for you to discuss with T.

My T. once told me he thinks I'm a good mom... I said how can you say that you haven't seen me with my kids...and he said he knew it cause I cared enough about myself and them to come to therapy... I'm sure your T. thinks you are a good mom too whether you were holding hands with your children or not..

Thanks for the whole of your post, but especially that bit - I do want so much to get it right for my kids, I hate to think that T may think my kids have got a rough deal having someone like me as their mum - but I guess in trying to get it right, I have their interests at heart.

That's lovely! And I'm sure your T is right.

The "get it right" very much resonates with me. I am pretty sure my son feels this, and I suspect that your kids have this sense to, that they are the focus.

I also think that your T has seen, probably mostly indirectly in your sessions, that you have their best interests at heart. I think this is something that probably permeates a lot of what you say and do, and something that is very observable to someone, like a T, who's paying attention. And that belief about what your T might think, about your kids having a rough deal, that sounds like your internal script from some historical time, not really something that someone's T might believe. If s/he sees YOU, then she's not going to think that.

Anne

I had a good friend who was a therapist. He said when he left his office and began encountering people in the general public, he always said a prayer of thanksgiving for his clients--that they cared enough about themselves & those they knew, & even strangers, to work on improving themselves whereas 99% of the world's people--didn't.

Think about that, Soup. How much & how hard you work & how many who don't. You bet your kids know the difference. They're around other parents, aren't they? Kids don't always understand the subtleties they observe, but they know.

Roadrunner