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#1
Feb 02, 2012, 12:15 AM
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I took the letter from ex-T, let her read it, asked her to hold it for me. She double checked with me that I didn't want the letter, I told her that I don't know if I want it. I might want it some day, but for now I want it out of my house, and asked again if she would just put it somewhere for me for a while.
It was ok. I didn't cry. Ok, maybe a little, but not much. Nobody farted, audibly at least. I missed ex-T like heck after I got home from seeing new-t. I guess that's how it's going to go for a while, I just tried to breathe through it, not DO anything about it, and finally took a klonopin. It's hard to feel okay about anything right now, but my mantra for the week is 'choose to have hope' and that's what I'm doing. 
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
 Anonymous32491, rainbow8
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 crazycanbegood
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#2
Feb 02, 2012, 12:28 AM
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oh, I forgot: I told T that I have had thoughts at times that I wish I could sui just to really fsck up ex-T, and that the fly in that ointment is the fact that i don't actually want to die. I also told her that there have been 2 completed sui in my life (tangentially, nobody close to me) in the past week and that in the worst moments I give into my superstition that bad things comes in 3s, and I wonder if mine will be the 3rd.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
| Anonymous37917, rainbow8
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#3
Feb 02, 2012, 12:52 AM
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Quote:
  
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#4
Feb 02, 2012, 01:47 AM
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Hi Zoo,
I am so glad that you have been posting to let us know how you have been doing. I have been super worried for you. I can't even begin to think of a way to comfort you. I know this has been devastating on you. I am relieved that you decided not to have those 6? sessions. I think you were right on to know that you would just continue to get hurt. Did you have a chance to read new t the letter? And if so what did you say about it and what did she say about it? Any comfort or validation from her? Thinking of you lots! KC
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#5
Feb 02, 2012, 02:32 AM
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Zooropa, hope is a wonderful, cosmic, magical thing. I am sooo glad you have a glimmer of hope, may that hope grow and grow until it becomes solid faith in your new T and yourself and perhaps a higher power. Hugs and love from me. I'm so proud of you. You aredoing tremendously well. Keep hoping. That's the spark of life. :-)
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