How often do you think of your T?

I think of my T quite often on a daily basis.

I believe it was my talking to T in my head that is the only thing that actually made it possible for me to talk to T while in Therapy! Only took 2 years for it to happen too!

Is that ridiculous or what? Poor, poor T!

OMG. The less I try to think of T right now, the more she pops into my head.

I can completely relate to how difficult it can be to open up to T
May I ask how your T handled that, that it took you some time to open up? And what helped you to finally do talk?
I am just 5 months with him now of which 1 month I did not see him. And it seems like he is giving me such a hard time about it that I have difficulties to talk. It is not that I don't talk at all... I just get quiet at times. And the more he makes comments about that, the more I panic whenever I sit there and fall quiet again

Like most of you, I think about my T a lot!! I used to say that she's like the screensaver on my computer; if nothing else is going on, I'm thinking of her! Most days I think about her at least half of the day. I'm estimating. If I'm involved with an activity that keeps my mind totally occupied, I don't think about her or about therapy. When I worked more, that kept me from thinking about my T.

Of course, any time I'm on PC I think of her. Hmm. Could there be a correlation there?!

Wow - that is such an interesting observation about the correlation between T and being on here T - so I wonder are we thinking about T as a person, or just about what T represents. Thanks Rainbow

Well of course I think of my ex t everyday..... I really miss him .....

My T has been so unbelievably wonderful and patient with me. I think from the very beginning one of the first things that came out of my mouth to T was that she could say anything to me she wanted to, but if she yelled or spoke meanly (Impatiently) to me that I would not respond- I would shut down, dissociate. Not that I would do that on purpose, just that it's something I automatically do. It may have been the only thing I said for that whole session, but she heard it loud and clear.

I dissociated a lot in the first year. I'd open my mouth to say something, and words would not come out. I think T saw that I was clearly frustrated with myself and didn't want to add to the frustration by pushing me. If she pushed, again, I just collapsed into silence. I can remember a couple of times T would try to get me to talk (in a very delicate, safe way) and I would shut down and then she'd apologize and say that she was trying to push me , that she was sorry and that we'd take things at my speed- not hers. I know T must've been frustrated, but she always hung in there.

Unfortunately, what happened to cause me to start talking was a rupture between me and T. It would've been better if it had just occurred naturally, which, by the way, was well on it's way to happening. In general what happened was that I wanted to have T understand something more than I wanted to be quiet. So, I started sending emails explaining in detail how I was feeling etc. T accepted those emails , read them, would send a small note back telling me how well I was doing in writing my feelings down and encourage me to write a little more- so I did. This went on for a few months. When we had therapy, we'd discuss a little of the email. Not much, but a little. And little, by little the emails in general stopped and I began to talk.

After 2 years in therapy I don't think I've still had one session where we have concentrated on one concept (came pretty close last week though).
It's still pretty hard for me to talk about the hard stuff, but I am talking and it's slowly coming out. And..... every once in a while T will say, "You're doing so great! remember when you couldn't even speak?" and I just smile.

It'll happen for you Joanna. If T is pressuring you, tell him how it makes you feel when he does that. If you panic, show him how panicked you are or at least tell him. And most of all remember it takes time! 5 months, for some people is just not enough time to gain the kind of trust and connection you need to be able to open up. HECK! Sometimes it takes a rupture plus 2 years to be able to!!

Thank you so much for sharing this, Karebear!

This helps so much to hear that this is not unusual and things will happen eventually. I sure hope he will be able to be as patient as your T. I think she did that really well in not pushing and encouraging you!
And I think you did great in keeping on turning up and trying, trying and trying

I run into this problem, too, of being asked a question -- particularly one that pushes into deeper, ashamed territory and I become absolutely silent and look down. I have a wonderful relationship w/ my T and we've seen each other for 18 months, most of this twice/week. So today, it happened again. What we did is she asked if we could work with the protector part--there's some part in me protecting the rest of me from talking. We determined that the rest of me was ashamed and scared of being judged (even though I KNOW that she won't judge me). She asked me to close my eyes and see what this part looked like. I found that it was like a shield or tough layer of skin close to the surface, but inside. We talked to this part, she had me talk to this part and slowly I could talk about the deeper stuff and we ended up having a productive session (though always it seems too short ).

We don't always do this, but will resume on Friday doing a short meditation at the beginning of the session where my T will welcome and talk in a calming manner to the child part and to this protector part. She'll remind them that they're not being judged, they're encouraged to share anything, and that they're loved just because they're part of me. We haven't been consistent with such a meditation (and before we did it just for the child part), but when we do it often helps.

It's really weird because I go in each session with a list of things I want to talk about, but then the protector comes out and wont' let me talk for a while. It's like I have to relearn to trust my T each time and she's never done anything to warrant losing my trust.

So I completely get it. My T, too, was prodding me a bit for a while and I'd become even more silent (if that's possible!) until we determined that the best was for her to be welcoming to this part and us to be curious about it. I hope that this helps!

Your T sounds like mine! Does she call it IFS (Internal Systems Therapy) when you work with your parts? My T wants to do meditation with me in the beginning of the session also, but we don't always do it. When we do, I usually become very calm.

Yes - we are doing some IFS. I definitely have different parts... it's the first time that I've looked at myself like this. It's better than just adult/child dichotomy because I'm more complicated than this We don't always do the meditation because I come in and there's smaller, daily updates/stuff and then we finish that and try to get started but the protector or child puts up walls. So our new plan, as of Friday, is to talk for 5 or so minutes about the everyday things and then do the meditation to jump into the deeper work. When my T really reaches in and talks to the child (the word "love" helps), the meditation works well.

Hey Soup-
I think about T all the time and for me it is really helpful. It's like he is there for me all the time and I need that. I include T in journal writings, too and then we discuss it. If it weren't for "my dependence" on T I would not be here. To each his own but try not to over-analyze. We so things for a reason, right? Good luck with your situation

These days I think of my T only when I'm under special pressure, which fortunately is no longer a weekly occurence.

Sometimes when I come out of a meeting or finish spending time with a friend it occurs to me, wow, I wasn't thinking about therapy/ist for a few hours, or however long the event was. The constantness of having t on my mind comes and goes. I wasn't surprised when it happened and I try not to stress about it too much, but I haven't wanted to tell him about it. I sort of assumed he's used to it and expects it and is aware I'm feeling it to some extent.

Like skycastle said, it's been going on for years (a little over 2 for me). Sometimes I'm sad about it. It has happened with every therapist I've had I think. I'm afraid now that my t doesn't approve of me being as attached as I am, which makes it worse. But it sounds like for most people attachment is considered a necessary part of therapy.

I think about T all the time. Even when I am engaged in something else, she is always there in the back of my mind. And when I say all the time, I mean all the time. Even when I go to the bathroom. Even when I am having sex. All the time.

same here---all of the time.