[Joanna_says]

As I am still having somewhat difficulties talking and opening up to T after seeing him almost 6 months I am wondering what has helped you in getting used to your T, opening up/talking to him/her.

I have the feeling that it slowly gets better. But then there is the next session again where I don't find any words and start to panick and see his frustration and it is making it worse again.
So I have been thinking and thinking. I could imagine that it would be helpful to have a picture of him to practice with that picture or since I am very sensitive to music find a song that gives me a sense of trust and being safe and connecting that to his picture. Has anybody tried something like this before?

I am just not sure if I would dare to ask him if I could take a picture of him sitting there so I can practice with it...
What do you think?

Thanks!

[doogie]

I write a lot - the things i want to talk about or things I just can't say. I either send it ahead of time, or bring it to session.

You said he is getting frustrated - are you sure it's not just you being frustrated with you for not being able to talk? Just a thought.

[Joanna_says]

Originally Posted by doogie

I write a lot - the things i want to talk about or things I just can't say. I either send it ahead of time, or bring it to session.

You said he is getting frustrated - are you sure it's not just you being frustrated with you for not being able to talk? Just a thought.

Of course I am frustrated with this as well. But he has told me more or less. He said that he is doing his best and that he does not really know what else he should be doing or how he should talk to me or be for me to talk.
He often makes small comments about me falling quiet about half of the time.
And he keeps on pushing me to think about how this could change or what it is that makes it so difficult. So yes, I do think he is frustrated...

[stopdog]

The one I see has often mentioned medication or moderate alcohol to reduce the anxiety enough to relax some while I am there. Because there is no concern I would drink to excess (who on earth would be so foolish as to put their guard down around a therapist by being drunk), it was not the world's worst recommendation.

[mcl6136]

For me, this is all kind of like "performance anxiety" and the more I think about it, the worse it seems to get.

Trying too hard, for me, can exacerbate the problem....I don't know if I spelled that right, but I think you may get the point?

I feel that my therapist DOES show frustration, which makes matters much worse. And I feel that my T could be helping me open up and chooses not to, which makes matters much much worse....these are reasons that I am contemplating quitting.

...which is why I enjoyed the post about upending the process. For me, breaking out of these cycles takes a very "out of the box" kind of thinking, which I think was manifested in that post.....

What we do that helps is at the beginning of the session, or after the 5 or so minutes of catching up about daily life stuff, is close our eyes and she does a meditation aloud for me. She reminds all parts of me (particularly the child and protector parts) that they are welcome, it's safe to share, and that she loves and cares about them.

I think that the song idea also is great! I might try that one myself as well - a song that signals to my mind that it's time to do therapy... not sure which one that would be?

[Mike_J]

For me it took a very difficult "leap of faith" I realized that I either had to be willing to open up completely and accept all the risks that came with that choice, or I was really just wasting time. It was hugely difficult to let my guard down and let her know all about my deepest secretes and darkest fears. Somehow I don’t see many therapists being as accepting and gratuitous as she was, it was a decision that I’m sure saved my life.

[vanessaG]

I hit the 6 month mark recently & I was just like that. Go in have lil chit chat to blow through time. But then I'd go home, feel like crap, write frustrated emails to T, come on here for support almost to take place of my T! I'm like this is ridiculous! So I wrote a lonnnggggggg long 'list' of stuff that needs to be worked on (3pages) lol and relunctly sent it....god I was so scared. But I just took that leap of faith and did it. I needed to do something somewhat drastic on my part or I may have well just quit. No point to go to shoot the **** ya know.
Anyways were still working in the list. I trust him a bit more esp since he has disclosed more bout himself to me too. I'm not sure I'll ever walk in there, feel I trust him 100%, feel he cares 100%, but I know he does enough for me to start opening up. I mean this therapy is for ME. I'm paying him. I need to do something, push myself sometimes to help myself as uncomfortable as that may be sometimes

[likelife]

Do you have an idea about what is making you most uncomfortable? I struggle a fair amount with anxiety in sessions and my T works to try to keep me within what she calls the "window of tolerance," where I'm not over-activated, but also not under-activated. It tends to slow the process WAY down, but it's helpful in terms of helping me to get stuff out.

I think that asking for a picture is a great idea. I've asked my T for one, and she was perfectly fine with it.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

For me it took a very difficult "leap of faith" I realized that I either had to be willing to open up completely and accept all the risks that came with that choice, or I was really just wasting time. It was hugely difficult to let my guard down and let her know all about my deepest secretes and darkest fears. Somehow I don’t see many therapists being as accepting and gratuitous as she was, it was a decision that I’m sure saved my life.

This is me for sure.. Although I have only been in thearpy for about 2 1/2 months.. I went in there saying I HAVE to open up to him, or I am not going to get better. That does not mean that I shared everything all at once, there are things that I suspect that will come out along the way. With every session I have with T, he says something comforting or insightful, or has been there to take my calls outside of session.. This is how I am starting to trust him.

I know you are the 6 month mark, but I think it just takes more some people more time to open up than others. Keeping going, if you feel like this is the right T for you, and I suspect things will get better. If not, maybe this is the right T for you.

I found this blog really helpful just in terms of know what to expect from the process of therapy: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy

Once I was more comfortable with the process, I was more comfortable with T as well. Part of just dropping my guard and "just doing it" for me was absolute desperation. I was at a point where it really seemed like it was inevitable that I was going to kill myself at some point. It was quite literally a do or die situation for me. Any risk seemed worthwhile at that point.

[Towanda]

I agree with MyKidsAreCool. When I started seeing my T I was pretty desperate - alcoholic, su, si, worthless, hopeless, etc, etc. He was the only person I had to talk to. He was warm and caring right from the start.Still, it took me a little time to get used to total honesty about my past. Ive been seeing him for six years and I still go through periods where I shut down and hide - just talk from the surface or share only half truths. Depends sometimes on how much shame is attached to what I'm sharing.
I'm very comfortable with him but it's still hard at times, feeling like a vulnerable child in his presence. Give it time and try not to get frustrated.

[CantExplain]

I think the big thing was when she forgave me for bawling her out in group.

Of course, there were a lot of small steps too, that I don't remember.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I found this blog really helpful just in terms of know what to expect from the process of therapy: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy

Once I was more comfortable with the process, I was more comfortable with T as well. Part of just dropping my guard and "just doing it" for me was absolute desperation. I was at a point where it really seemed like it was inevitable that I was going to kill myself at some point. It was quite literally a do or die situation for me. Any risk seemed worthwhile at that point.

I love the article about "therapy constipation"