[retro_chic]

So I had my second session with new T today and I sat there like a mute the whole time. Why can't I talk when I get in there? I wanted to tell her all these things but didn't say any of them. I think I will have to write her a letter and have her read it during our next session. I need to tell her about the self harm and distorted body image. I can't keep wasting my time and money like this

[sjkero]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

So I had my second session with new T today and I sat there like a mute the whole time. Why can't I talk when I get in there? I wanted to tell her all these things but didn't say any of them. I think I will have to write her a letter and have her read it during our next session. I need to tell her about the self harm and distorted body image. I can't keep wasting my time and money like this

i'm sorry you're having a hard time. i promise it will get better though. you've only seen your t twice, which is hardly long enough to be comfortable and trusting (in my opinion). i've been with my t for almost a year now, and i still struggle to talk every single week! sometimes i do the mute thing too. be assured, it comes and goes... it won't be like this forever.

[growlycat]

The silence is part of the process; it still communicates something, as does body language etc. Letters can help, but give it time and she will find a tactic that makes it easier to talk. T's can be cunning that way! (it's always a relief to me when they find a way to break the pattern!)

[skeksi]

Maybe your silence isn't wasting any time at all. Maybe your silence is saying the things your mouth can't, yet. Silence tells your new T that you don't yet feel safe enough to share; it says that you feel uncomfortable; it says that this is a scary experience for you. Sitting with it in the next session, you can also listen to your T's silence. Maybe it's saying something, too--like she accepts you, like she'll wait until you're ready, like she is okay with you being silent for now.

[lostmyway21]

I agree with others. That happened to me once before and I thought it was a waste of time too, but my T told me it wasn't and ofc he was right. It was only your second session and those are hard topics to jump into. Be gentle on yourself. I'm sure your T will help you along if you continue to struggle. The letter I think is a great idea. I did that on my second session to get major difficult issues out in the open. The self harm was particularly difficult, so it took a few more sessions to get that out. It just takes time.

Now when I get quiet and I dont want to talk I don't look at him, but when I am looking for him to help me, I make eye contact...and he picks up from there. I just noticed we started doing this like two weeks ago. Good luck! Don't get discouraged it does get easier.

[Betty_Banana]

My last session was exactly like that...I became mute.

I find it very upsetting and a waste of time and money, yet T always finds something positive to say about them....which annoys me for some reason. Evidently, he sees things different than I do.

[doglover5]

I had this same problem when I first started therapy! I found that keeping a journal between sessions of what I wanted to tell her/ things I wanted to talk about was a really helpful tool. I'd either let her read it, or I'd read it to her. That gave her a starting point without me having to struggle to gather my thoughts right then and there about what to say. It also helped me recently reach the point of being comfortable enough talk on my own! Even though I still keep the journal and bring it with me to appointments "just in case."

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by skeksi

Maybe your silence isn't wasting any time at all. Maybe your silence is saying the things your mouth can't, yet. Silence tells your new T that you don't yet feel safe enough to share; it says that you feel uncomfortable; it says that this is a scary experience for you. Sitting with it in the next session, you can also listen to your T's silence. Maybe it's saying something, too--like she accepts you, like she'll wait until you're ready, like she is okay with you being silent for now.

Years ago, T and I did an experiment to see what silence was like.

At first it was freaky. She was wearing her poker face and nothing seemed to be happening. But then I watched her breathing.

And lo and behold, it was just as foretold: we were breathing in synch and mirroring our postures.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Years ago, T and I did an experiment to see what silence was like.

At first it was freaky. She was wearing her poker face and nothing seemed to be happening. But then I watched her breathing.

And lo and behold, it was just as foretold: we were breathing in synch and mirroring our postures.

Hmmm now I am curious, and want to try this out. Although I often have the urge to do things to see his reaction anyway.

[retro_chic]

Thanks everyone for your support! I think that the letter idea is the only way around this issue so I will start writing that soon. My new T writes a sort of agenda of the things she would like to discuss during the session so that's good. If it were all up to me, nothing would happen! I have told my T that I get nervous during sessions and it is hard for me to remember the things we discuss because I get so nervous. She said we will take things slowly and she will keep a look out for when I am feeling anxious.

[doglover5]

Retro, you could also ask her/ include in your letter, if she would maybe write down reminders for you of the things y'all discuss! My T does that for me, in sort of a "homework" type deal. At the end of our sessions she'll summarize what we went over, & write down things for me to do or focus on between then and our next session. Maybe that would help you also, not having to worry about remembering everything so much!