tantrum on paper

laceylu · Jan 31, 2012, 01:26 PM

My last session really hit a nerve and I am very upset. I can not stop thinking about it. I decided I was having a tantrum in my mind. I decided I needed to share this with T. So I had a tantrum on paper in my journal and plan to share this with T on Thursday. I wrote down all the feeling that were racing through my head and what I would like to say and do in her treatment room(office room). The stuff was mostly childish and full of anger and fear and confusion. I told her I would like to cry and scream out the pain. I have not been able to cry for over a year now. HAS anyone else ever done this and shared it with T?

SallyBrown · Jan 31, 2012, 01:45 PM

I've done this, both with an angry letter I didn't send, and some angry journal entries. It helped a lot for T to hear my unfiltered thoughts, and for him to know my feelings (no matter how childish) for what they were, rather than having them censored by my not wanting to lose it while I'm in his office.

stopdog · Jan 31, 2012, 01:59 PM

I have done it several times over the last year of so. The t has not been particularly fazed by it.

mcl6136 · Jan 31, 2012, 02:27 PM

I have had real time tantrums...not proud to admit this but it is true...right there in t office, in front of God and everyone....

The sad part is that I have had trouble actually getting the learning to happen because I'm pretty fast on my feet verbally and can deflect what T is saying to deal with me at the time.

Later, however, it does sink in.....

pbutton · Jan 31, 2012, 02:33 PM

I have also had tantrums in the office. I think I'd have been better off having them on paper because T would have been better able to understand what I was thinking. Instead I just flailed around angry and he misinterpreted what was going through my head.

Actually, now that I think about it, I have had tantrums in emails too. When I told him I was really embarrased, T told me the therapist part of him was glad he was able to see what was going on with me. (I'd imagine the human part of him was thinking "dude, what a psycho!"

)

mcl6136 · Jan 31, 2012, 02:37 PM

unfortunately my T has been VERY fazed by it.

laceylu · Jan 31, 2012, 03:09 PM

My first T got a real tantrum from me in her office. The boundaries and confrontations are still seared into my memory. That is why I think the paper tantrum is a better choice.

mcl6136 · Jan 31, 2012, 03:11 PM

i agree. I am going to try this for sure!

sittingatwatersedge · Jan 31, 2012, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcl6136

unfortunately my T has been VERY fazed by it.

same here; I keep reading that every T is well trained to weather storms from clients, on the contrary really wants to see you reacting in the moment, but in fact every time I went ballistic in her office, I could see in her face that she was not taking it calmly. It seemed to damp her confidence more & more, and in the end she said she couldn't help me any more.

I'm not sure that the paper "tantrum" is any better, if it's given to T where he/she can read & re-read it;
maybe better to go in with it,
preface it with 98574637485 apologies & caveats,
read it out just once,
and then chew it up and swallow it.

sound like a plan?

pbutton · Jan 31, 2012, 03:26 PM

Some of them can handle it. I got up, put my coat on, did an odd little jig because I couldn't decide if I wanted to leave or what. T was totally calm and kept treating me like I wasn't acting like a total lunatic. He kept scheduling me, kept speaking calmly, asked me questions, and just chilled like he always does. He did look kind of sad when I managed to look him in the eye, but I'm not totally sure if that came from me or him.

mcl6136 · Jan 31, 2012, 03:26 PM

I'm also a bit amazed....I keep reading from other posters that "T will be able to handle this" or T is trained to deal with this.

I have run across two ts in my time in therapy (out of say, 5) who were NOT AT ALL equipped to the kinds of things that seem to crop up here on this board on a routine basis.

Leading me to conclude that there are good therapists, bad therapists and everything in between. Leading me to MOVE ON when my needs are not being met, once I have given it a fair shake. Life is just too short.

pbutton · Jan 31, 2012, 03:32 PM

Blargh. This is really derailing today's "T is crappy, I need to find a new T" path that I've been trying to take. Curse my T for his skills. If he was as rotten as I'd like him to be, I'd be able to run away.

This is half funny, half serious. It's jacked up thinking like this that leads to my tantrums in the first place.

lostmyway21 · Jan 31, 2012, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

same here; I keep reading that every T is well trained to weather storms from clients, on the contrary really wants to see you reacting in the moment, but in fact every time I went ballistic in her office, I could see in her face that she was not taking it calmly. It seemed to damp her confidence more & more, and in the end she said she couldn't help me any more.

I'm not sure that the paper "tantrum" is any better, if it's given to T where he/she can read & re-read it;
maybe better to go in with it,
preface it with 98574637485 apologies & caveats,
read it out just once,
and then chew it up and swallow it.

sound like a plan?

Hm ..this has got me a bit paranoid now. I send my T a million triggered emails, and I know he reads them, cause he responds or brings whats in them up in session BUT, I never stoped to think what he does to the email after he initially reads it.

Does he re-read it? Does he delete them? Does he save them? Does he print them and put them in my file? OMG

pbutton · Jan 31, 2012, 03:47 PM

Good point. I have no idea what T does with my emails either. I am certain he doesn't re-read mine as many times as I re-read his. Unless he also has unmedicated OCD.

lostmyway21 · Jan 31, 2012, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pbutton

Good point. I have no idea what T does with my emails either. I am certain he doesn't re-read mine as many times as I re-read his. Unless he also has unmedicated OCD.

I may just have to come out and ask him what he does with them in session tomorrow. I feel like I might start obsessing over this.

CantExplain · Jan 31, 2012, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcl6136

unfortunately my T has been VERY fazed by it.

I'm sorry to hear it.

growlycat · Feb 01, 2012, 01:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laceylu

My last session really hit a nerve and I am very upset. I can not stop thinking about it. I decided I was having a tantrum in my mind. I decided I needed to share this with T. So I had a tantrum on paper in my journal and plan to share this with T on Thursday. I wrote down all the feeling that were racing through my head and what I would like to say and do in her treatment room(office room). The stuff was mostly childish and full of anger and fear and confusion. I told her I would like to cry and scream out the pain. I have not been able to cry for over a year now. HAS anyone else ever done this and shared it with T?

I wish I had the guts to do it. I did something similar but he said that my email was so "dense with information" he was not sure how to untangle it.

It feels good to get it writing but it feels awful to be misunderstood.

lostmyway21 · Feb 01, 2012, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pbutton

Good point. I have no idea what T does with my emails either. I am certain he doesn't re-read mine as many times as I re-read his. Unless he also has unmedicated OCD.

I caved and asked him today what he does with my emails. He says he deletes them after he reads them, because he can't keep them.

sittingatwatersedge · Feb 01, 2012, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I caved and asked him today what he does with my emails. He says he deletes them after he reads them, because he can't keep them.

thanks for this, I was becoming concerned that my paranoia might have started other people worrying as well. apologies to all !!

lostmyway21 · Feb 01, 2012, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

thanks for this, I was becoming concerned that my paranoia might have started other people worrying as well. apologies to all !!

No worries. I was nervous about asking but I managed to blurt it out at the end. Its good to know.

CantExplain · Feb 01, 2012, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I caved and asked him today what he does with my emails. He says he deletes them after he reads them, because he can't keep them.

Why can't he keep them?

lostmyway21 · Feb 01, 2012, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Why can't he keep them?

I didn't ask, but now I'm awfully curious myself.

bluemountains · Feb 01, 2012, 07:21 PM

I am afraid to even think about throwing a tantrum. My t scares me with her quick comebacks. For example, I said one time that drinking really isn't a problem for me and her response was, "I don't think that's true." Ouch, very blunt. Also, if I don't like an answer and comment this way, she says "you asked the question." I am guessing that she is not like this with everyone; however, I have a personality that makes me think I am pretty smart sometimes, and don't need help. She is quick to give me a reality check.
Bluemountains