[jazzy123456]

Okay, so I sent this email to T and I just realized that because I am a writer I have a "writer's voice." So naturally, all my writing sounds melodramatic in a way because I am a poet and enjoy writing fiction & non fiction too.

Anyway, I feel guilty for sending this and in my head, I feel a T would think this is a story where I'm being too dramatic or overly sensitive. Or maybe it's just dumb of me to send it because I didn't run away for long at all.

I wanted to discuss this email with my T today but, was too shy to bring it up. I was afraid of what she might of thought. I also think my home life is awesome compared to many others so I feel guilty for processing through this because I really love my parents a lot... too though.

Here's the email:

A thought came to mind when I was in bed that pretty much sums up how I feel this week and how I feel in this moment.

When I was a girl I tried to run away. I thought because I didn't leave for long and came back really soon that the experience was no big deal... I don't remember my age but, I know I was young enough because all I packed was socks, maybe some clothes?, and peanut butter. I am such a cautious person so I think it takes a lot of bravery for a little girl to pack a suitcase and leave home. I didn't know where I was going but, I was going somewhere to feel better.... Tonight, I'm wondering what would have happened if I kept walking down the street, if I hadn't of returned home for a few days... Maybe, my mom wouldn't need a letter years later, at 22, describing how I feel... maybe... something that day would have been revealed... not only to her or someone else in my family but, within myself. Tonight, I’m wondering if the act in itself is a big deal.

I know terrible things can happen to kids who runaway but, I'm really not thinking about that right now. I am only thinking about how I feel deep inside. Deep inside, I want to pack a suitcase again. I want to run away from more then therapy, school, and certain people. I want to run away from the pain that I am in. The reality is, I want that kind of courage again… to make a decision regardless of what may come from it. Even if I felt lost inside that day, at least I was brave; at least I had some strength about me. I need God to give me a special strength and courage to keep going. I don't know, it's just, tonight, I feel like that girl in the middle of the street. I didn't know where I was going but, I was going to be liberated from my sadness. Liberation from my body is what I want right now, all of the chronic pain, sickness, & memories...Liberation from my emotional pain.... as well. Life is hard for all of us. I’d like to think it will get better soon...


I wonder what my T thought? to be honest, I don't even know what I think?

[jazzy123456]

I also felt maybe she knows running away is something a lot of kids try so why make a story out of it?

[pbutton]

I don't think that's melodramatic. I think it's good stuff & I bet your T will be glad that you shared with her.

[vanessaG]

I don't really know really what to say but your letter touched me...I like it and I def think you should give (or in my case I email everything) to her!

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

I also felt maybe she knows running away is something a lot of kids try so why make a story out of it?

Because telling a story is how we connect...with ourselves and with someone else.

Think about how many lessons are taught in story form...fables, myths. There is something about storytelling that reaches a little deeper into the soul than "hey, this thing happened".

I loved your e-mail. It gave great insight into "little jazzy" and into jazzy now. That is a good thing.

[growlycat]

Quite eloquent actually. I would think a T would prefer rich material than "I dunno's" they must get all of the time. You are connecting the dots from past to present, I would think making his job easier!! I didn't see any melodrama, just insightfulness on a trait you know you still must have but are having trouble summoning again.

[faith1983]

wow! I love what you wrote! The courage you wanna have back after all those years; that's so important! And if you can remember the way you felt then, I can easily guess that is an important part you could discuss with your t. You were expressing something back then by running away, and you're expressing something now by the way you feel... And the way you feel now is also so important... you're suffering and want the courage to change thing or to try life differently... there's no tragedy of life scale; even though you didn't go through trauma, it doesn't mean you have no issues to work on. And no one can judge on the importance of the issue other than you.

If you want to talk with your t about this and the email next time, why not send her another email asking her to introduce it for you because you're too shy to do it?

take care
faith

[Unrigged64072835]

I ran away from home twice when I was a kid, and your words about "going somewhere to feel better" really struck me. I think you did a good job on your email. I do hope you gather the courage to bring it up in T.

[elliemay]

Actually, i tried to run away twice. I thought it was pretty common too for kids to try and run away, but it's not - according to my therapist.

It is an extremely distressed child that would chose to leave a home they grew up in.

I wonder too what would have happened if I had made it out. I also wonder what would have happened if my parents had simply asked me why I was trying to run away instead of punishing me for doing it.

I guess they knew why.

I don't think your letter is too melodramatic at all. At least for me, it is a fairly accurate description.

[rainbow8]

jazzy, often I too wonder if my emails and poems to my T are too melodramatic and not "real". Am I making things up? I've decided that if the words pour out of me then I'm not making them up. If they are melodramatic, there's a reason for me to write that way. If I sound desperate it may be because I'm too afraid to tell my T but I want her to know through my writing. Maybe I write for the attention, but if that's the reason, then it's worth exploring.

I don't think your email is melodramatic. It's beautiful and touching. I think there's a lot in it to explore with your T. It's your words, so it is important. I hope you can discuss it with your T.

[jazzy123456]

Thanks all for commenting... I am glad it could touch some people, although it wasn't my intention it definitley is a compliment. Treehouse, I need to think on the fact of how story telling immediatley allows individuals to connect to a person, i forget that story telling is such a powerful tool... Faith, I loved that you said there is no tragedy of life scale... i just might have to make a poem with that saying in it..oh I have been through trauma though, I just don't consider as bad as a lot of other peoples...Elliemay, why is this not common? i thought it was kind of common for a kid to think of doing something like that..i will probably do what faith said and send another email that discusses how I felt about bringing up this particular one in session, that was such a great idea from faith... my last therapist said i was a bit melodramatic a lot of the time and it hurt my feelings, guess I naturally think about that sometimes...and thanks rainbow, i'd like to think that no matter why we email, probably something within the reason we chose to email or not even the email itself is worth exploring, i mean it may be, but, the point i think you were trying to make is that our FEELINGS and THOUGHTS, whether in an email or not are worth exploring.
forgive me if i didn't mention everyones name in my comment-- just know I'm thankful for all of the comments.. lol

end of rant,
JAzz.Y.

[mcl6136]

I, for one, really truly value the fact that the people on this board are expressive and expressing themselves.

I think we downgrade this as "melodrama" at our own peril.....

Storytelling is the only thing...besides accessorizing..that separates us from the animals.

Now I must get back to my wardrobe.