Support?

Can I get some support guys? I have Therapy in the morning, but I have been having a hard time remembering my connection with my T. I have been able to avoid spamming my T with emails, which i am super proud of because it is a first for me. I could use support to get through the night, since I'm going to probably be thinking about it most of the night at work.

Good for you for not spamming T! I know it's hard when you lose the connection you have and so desperately want.

Lost- is there a way you can ask T to contact you during the week with either an email, or phone call so you won't lose the connection to her you are so in need of?

I'm with you. I go tomorrow too so I can relate.

Good job with the emails! I'll ride in your pocket from now through your session if you need.

i think it is great you are trying so hard to give t his space and great job in not spamming him with e-mail i just hope you can talk about how you cant seem to keep this connection durring the week and come up with something that could make this a bit easier

Thanks guys. I am really really trying to stick to my ONE email a day thing. I told him in todays email that I am struggling to keeps the connection in my head. Hopefully he will adress it tomorrow. I feel REALLY bad saying anything though. I mean I see him twice a week and email him daily already. He will reply if I am in distress or if I ask for it. I just can't keep the connection for more than two days, before I completely forget him, and convince myself he has given up on me. When in reality nothing even happened.

Does he respond to your emails or write to you at any other times? If so, would reading these help with the connection? If he doesn't, could you maybe ask him to write you something brief once or twice per week (at the end of the session if he doesn't want to email)? Maybe he could record some sort of meditation for you that you could listen to when you need to feel the connection? These are the best things short of writing emails that have helped me to feel a connection. You could also do some visualization exercises. Not sure if you hug, but if so, you could imagine him hugging you. I know that it's hard and can leave you feeling too dependent, etc., but perhaps in your work you can investigate what part inside of you is craving this attention from him and why. There is the obvious answer (for me attention from my parents), but perhaps going past that to specifically why now, for example, could help. Good luck! and keep writing here if that helps.

Um he responds mostly when I'm in crisis/trigger or if I have questions about sessions, or ask for something specifically. Last night I read over our old emails and that is actually what kept me from spamming him, so it worked. It just doesn't remove the feeling. The visualization sounds interesting, I can't remember what he looks like at all between sessions and I hate it. He doesn't hug or do touch, so that's out. I know a big problem is he is my ONLY support network right now, and I have a huge fear of abandonment. If I don't actively feel the connection, I immediately revert to thinking he is going to ditch me like everyone else always has.

What about doing what Improving posted about and ask for a photo of him? And maybe one that you could take in his office?

I know what it's like to have T as the major/only source of support. Could you talk to him about your fear of abandonment, particularly in light of this situation? (Maybe you already have?) It sounds like you have a dedicated T if you're allowed to write him daily and he sees you twice per week! Hang in there.

Thank you for all your advice. I know I probably sound super needy. I feel really guilty that I constantly question my T's dedication to me, when he is probably the most dedicated ANY one has ever been with me. I know on my good days that he is amazing, but on my bad I still question him, and I can't help it. He knows i am very scared that he is going to ditch me, i have brought it up several times. He always reasures me that he is commited to me and our work, and he cares for me and won't ditch me. Idk...im just broken I guess.

I was actually thinking about Improving's post earlier, I just don't know if I would ever have the courage to ask.

Ughhh...

Don't email. Don't email. Don't email. Don't email. Don't email.