[Wren_]

clear their heads, make space in their minds for the next client who shows up?
how do they go from being with one client; or busy with paperwork or who knows what else to client arrives and then they have to put everything else aside and focus fully on the client?
to go from worrying about whatever is worrying them; to listening to the clients worries
and ... say the clients worries seem much less than the T's own, how do they be supportive and helpful without their own feelings getting in the way and coming out into the session?

**** knows...
Not sure I could.

My T always seems very focused - I do know she meditates a lot, perhaps thats helps.

I've wondered about that too. My T often goes from client to client with no break....one client walks out, and I walk in....but somehow he manages to be SO present with me and whatever is going on. He remembers the details of my story, of our last session, he notices little things about what my body language is saying. I REALLY don't know how he does it.

As for T's having their own problems...my T has told me many times that he likes the fact that focusing on other people 8 hours a day takes him out of his head and away from his own stuff. I know that when I connect with other people, it helps me forget about my own troubles, so that part totally makes sense to me.

[pbutton]

I can't imagine. I can't even work for a solid hour without wandering back to read this board.

• Good self care. Good self care. Good self care!
• Good consultations in which they can identify any feelings that may get in the way of any progress for a client, and work on those things in their own therapy and through the consultation process.
• Using powerful feelings therapeutically and as a means to encourage change.
• Being mindful of their own issues and have place to work those issues through outside of work.
• Being mindful of their schedule and demands of their day so that they can appropriately manage paperwork and clients without it overflowing into other's sessions.
• In the moment, in session, it's not about T's worries, it's about being there to help the client with their worries, giving them our full attention and provide them tools to help outside the therapy hour.

Thanks, stormyangels.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

clear their heads, make space in their minds for the next client who shows up?
how do they go from being with one client; or busy with paperwork or who knows what else to client arrives and then they have to put everything else aside and focus fully on the client?
to go from worrying about whatever is worrying them; to listening to the clients worries
and ... say the clients worries seem much less than the T's own, how do they be supportive and helpful without their own feelings getting in the way and coming out into the session?

1. Some have not got much in there that needs clearing out
2. People are usually wiling to put paperwork down for any reason.
3. It is easier to focus on other people's problems than one's own.
5. Sometimes theirs do.

[Chopin99]

My T said that she has to "work really hard" internally and externally to be her best for her clients. I know in my own sector of the mental health field, it is important to take plenty of time off to rest and recharge. When I'm dealing with my clients I tend to forget about my own issues. It's when I get stuck doing paperwork or managerial tasks that my problems come into my focus.

[rainbow_rose]

i wonder about this myself. i even bought a book about self-care for therapists... haven't read it yet tho.

thank you tigergirl for asking this question

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

clear their heads, make space in their minds for the next client who shows up?
how do they go from being with one client; or busy with paperwork or who knows what else to client arrives and then they have to put everything else aside and focus fully on the client?
to go from worrying about whatever is worrying them; to listening to the clients worries
and ... say the clients worries seem much less than the T's own, how do they be supportive and helpful without their own feelings getting in the way and coming out into the session?

I still remember this analogy I gave to my t a long time ago. Here is my original post.

I just have been having a super difficult time with my own therapy. Let me try and tell you about what has happened. Well actually I will just tell you what happened the last time. I was really emotionally raw during my session. Unprepaired for what happened however I did feel connected to my t. THAT IS SUCH A STRUGGLE FOR ME but there it was, a connection.

Well it didn't last long..............................

I am going to try to explain this by rewriting the letter that I had written for my t. It goes like this.

T,
As I left my session last week I had to stop and use the restroom. I know that you used the restroom and then proceeded to get that other girl. When I went to my car I could see her in your window. The way she sat next to your desk and chatted eagerly with you. Her mouth moved as if she couldn't talk fast enough. She was animated and engaged. As I sat in my post therapy detatchment mode I watched this clip and felt incredibly disheartened. She had diluted my intimacy with you.

I wondered, how can it work this way? And then I finally got it. All that pain and raw emotion was just mine. Of course it didn't affect you at all. You could easily do your transition of "peeing and then right on to the next." It's like after every session you have you pee out any of them/me that was left in you and flush it away so you can do it all over again.

My feeling of connection literally lasted less then 5 minutes and it was over. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time letting it happen. When you think about the reality of this relationship it hurts. And it hurts bad.

I think that may have been one thing that my t has never heard before!!

[beautiful.mess]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

I still remember this analogy I gave to my t a long time ago. Here is my original post.

I just have been having a super difficult time with my own therapy. Let me try and tell you about what has happened. Well actually I will just tell you what happened the last time. I was really emotionally raw during my session. Unprepaired for what happened however I did feel connected to my t. THAT IS SUCH A STRUGGLE FOR ME but there it was, a connection.

Well it didn't last long..............................

I am going to try to explain this by rewriting the letter that I had written for my t. It goes like this.

T,
As I left my session last week I had to stop and use the restroom. I know that you used the restroom and then proceeded to get that other girl. When I went to my car I could see her in your window. The way she sat next to your desk and chatted eagerly with you. Her mouth moved as if she couldn't talk fast enough. She was animated and engaged. As I sat in my post therapy detatchment mode I watched this clip and felt incredibly disheartened. She had diluted my intimacy with you.

I wondered, how can it work this way? And then I finally got it. All that pain and raw emotion was just mine. Of course it didn't affect you at all. You could easily do your transition of "peeing and then right on to the next." It's like after every session you have you pee out any of them/me that was left in you and flush it away so you can do it all over again.

My feeling of connection literally lasted less then 5 minutes and it was over. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time letting it happen. When you think about the reality of this relationship it hurts. And it hurts bad.

I think that may have been one thing that my t has never heard before!!

Wow. I can literally FEEL that heartbreak as I read your letter. Curious minds wanna know: what did say in response?

[beautiful.mess]

My T has told me that a LOT of people don't stay long term for treatment. They come in for a session or two (or 3 or 4 or 5) and then are never seen nor heard from again. Maybe the reality of therapy hits them too hard and they realize they aren't ready or simply don't want to.

So with that, I would think there wouldn't be any time to get emotionally involved with a client that you don't know? It's when you continually see the same client over weeks and months and years that a relationship develops and you invest in their emotional and mental health. I would imagine that good self care is an absolute must (like Stormy said) in that case.

I really don't know though, to be honest.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

1. Some have not got much in there that needs clearing out
2. People are usually wiling to put paperwork down for any reason.
3. It is easier to focus on other people's problems than one's own.
5. Sometimes theirs do.

I am always refreshed and stimulated by your unique point of view.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

It's like after every session you have you pee out any of them/me that was left in you and flush it away so you can do it all over again... I think that may have been one thing that my t has never heard before!!

THAT is funny. My T DOES drink a lot of fluids, now that you mention it!

Training.

[Wren_]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

**** knows...
Not sure I could.

My T always seems very focused - I do know she meditates a lot, perhaps thats helps.

I know I couldn't either I wondered about meditation when I was thinking about this and if that played any part for any

Originally Posted by nightsky

I've wondered about that too. My T often goes from client to client with no break....one client walks out, and I walk in....but somehow he manages to be SO present with me and whatever is going on. He remembers the details of my story, of our last session, he notices little things about what my body language is saying. I REALLY don't know how he does it.

As for T's having their own problems...my T has told me many times that he likes the fact that focusing on other people 8 hours a day takes him out of his head and away from his own stuff. I know that when I connect with other people, it helps me forget about my own troubles, so that part totally makes sense to me.

I like what your T shared about getting his head out of his own stuff; I know when I listen to others that can be one good part of it; I'm glad he is so present for you

Originally Posted by pbutton

I can't imagine. I can't even work for a solid hour without wandering back to read this board.

[Wren_]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

• Good self care. Good self care. Good self care!
• Good consultations in which they can identify any feelings that may get in the way of any progress for a client, and work on those things in their own therapy and through the consultation process.
• Using powerful feelings therapeutically and as a means to encourage change.
• Being mindful of their own issues and have place to work those issues through outside of work.
• Being mindful of their schedule and demands of their day so that they can appropriately manage paperwork and clients without it overflowing into other's sessions.
• In the moment, in session, it's not about T's worries, it's about being there to help the client with their worries, giving them our full attention and provide them tools to help outside the therapy hour.

thanks stormy I sometimes wonder about whether if some of the T's i've spoken with have ever had there own therapy at all; and for others I know it was a must as part of their training and continued work. Getting the idea good self care is a must for T's to be able to do all they need to do

Originally Posted by nightsky

Thanks, stormyangels.

[Perna]

I think we all do what they do, just aren't as aware of it; if you are working or studying you concentrate on your work or studies for a period and then concentrate on making lunch talking to someone, you are in the conversation, etc. They don't turn off and turn on, it's not discreet periods of time, what we say/do reminds them of other stuff, just like when we're talking to someone and think, "Gee, I'll have to tell Perna about this, I didn't realize Tigergirl was thinking the same thing as she was talking about just yesterday. . ."

[Wren_]

Originally Posted by stopdog

1. Some have not got much in there that needs clearing out
2. People are usually wiling to put paperwork down for any reason.
3. It is easier to focus on other people's problems than one's own.
5. Sometimes theirs do.

thanks stopdog; you are so right about the last especially. The T I had for the longest time, I think I knew a lot more about her life and problems than she ever knew about mine and often provided a listening ear for her instead of the other way round.

Originally Posted by Chopin99

My T said that she has to "work really hard" internally and externally to be her best for her clients. I know in my own sector of the mental health field, it is important to take plenty of time off to rest and recharge. When I'm dealing with my clients I tend to forget about my own issues. It's when I get stuck doing paperwork or managerial tasks that my problems come into my focus.

I like your T's comments and what you said about when you are dealing with other clients. Thanks

Originally Posted by rainbow_rose

i wonder about this myself. i even bought a book about self-care for therapists... haven't read it yet tho.

thank you tigergirl for asking this question

that sounds a really interesting book

[Wren_]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

I still remember this analogy I gave to my t a long time ago. Here is my original post.

I just have been having a super difficult time with my own therapy. Let me try and tell you about what has happened. Well actually I will just tell you what happened the last time. I was really emotionally raw during my session. Unprepaired for what happened however I did feel connected to my t. THAT IS SUCH A STRUGGLE FOR ME but there it was, a connection.

Well it didn't last long..............................

I am going to try to explain this by rewriting the letter that I had written for my t. It goes like this.

T,
As I left my session last week I had to stop and use the restroom. I know that you used the restroom and then proceeded to get that other girl. When I went to my car I could see her in your window. The way she sat next to your desk and chatted eagerly with you. Her mouth moved as if she couldn't talk fast enough. She was animated and engaged. As I sat in my post therapy detatchment mode I watched this clip and felt incredibly disheartened. She had diluted my intimacy with you.

I wondered, how can it work this way? And then I finally got it. All that pain and raw emotion was just mine. Of course it didn't affect you at all. You could easily do your transition of "peeing and then right on to the next." It's like after every session you have you pee out any of them/me that was left in you and flush it away so you can do it all over again.

My feeling of connection literally lasted less then 5 minutes and it was over. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time letting it happen. When you think about the reality of this relationship it hurts. And it hurts bad.

I think that may have been one thing that my t has never heard before!!

i'm sure your t hadn't heard it like that before; i don't like thinking of it like that either although i guess there is a lot to it. Those feelings we feel are so real but really it's just us feeling them; not the T ... so makes it easier for them to move on even while for us we are stuck in all kinds of different states afterwards I'm curious about the response also if there was one

Originally Posted by beautiful.mess

My T has told me that a LOT of people don't stay long term for treatment. They come in for a session or two (or 3 or 4 or 5) and then are never seen nor heard from again. Maybe the reality of therapy hits them too hard and they realize they aren't ready or simply don't want to.

So with that, I would think there wouldn't be any time to get emotionally involved with a client that you don't know? It's when you continually see the same client over weeks and months and years that a relationship develops and you invest in their emotional and mental health. I would imagine that good self care is an absolute must (like Stormy said) in that case.

I really don't know though, to be honest.

I wonder if the short term ones are harder in some ways since you have to quickly update yourself on everything going on with them and then they are gone again

Originally Posted by Perna

I think we all do what they do, just aren't as aware of it; if you are working or studying you concentrate on your work or studies for a period and then concentrate on making lunch talking to someone, you are in the conversation, etc. They don't turn off and turn on, it's not discreet periods of time, what we say/do reminds them of other stuff, just like when we're talking to someone and think, "Gee, I'll have to tell Perna about this, I didn't realize Tigergirl was thinking the same thing as she was talking about just yesterday. . ."

good points thanks Perna. I know I do it to some extent; but I'm not as good as separating or concentrating as my T seems to be ... seems to be

[Wren_]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

Training.

True ... I'm sure that's a big part of it