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#1
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Sometimes I feel like I'm just a mirror... like I don't know who I am but that I only reflect back the behavior of other people or the behavior that is praised by other people.
![]() Its like I'm still a little kid.... I was always praised for my grades so I became the "smart" girl. Even though I had other things I like better but where not as well "received" by my family. So much of how I feel about myself is based on how other people treat me. I find I even do that with my T. Its like I've never let therapy be about me. I've always had to think how will he respond to this or what does he think. If he even remotely told me what he thinks about something before hand than I won't go against it... even if on first hearing I think its totally a wrong interpretation... And If I find that T. rewards certain behavior like keeping things light and using humor...with smiles and lots of personal discussion...then that is how I will behave.... Only thing is that I don't ever get to the hard stuff. My perception is that my T. doesn't want to hear it, doesn't know what to do with it and doesn't care if I share it... because what i see from him...is silence, distance and coolness when i tried... I hate that I can't make things be only about me. I'm so codependent. If i go to another T. I will know to say... I need someone who is going to call me on my stuff... who's not going to let me "dump and run"...i need someone who is going to model sharing deep issues and hard emotions and who is going to encourage me and give positive praise for that... at least if I can't change the mirror reflective behaviour I can use it to my advantage in therapy... Does anyone else have the whole mirror/reflective behaviour issue and what were you able to do to get past it? |
![]() FourRedheads
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#2
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Have you told this T the things that you would tell a new T? The list at the end of your post of what you need in a therapist? I wonder how he would respond? And to answer your question...yes, I'm super co-dependent and a people pleaser. I'm trying SO HARD to unlearn that - to find out who I am and to be that person. It's not easy, is it? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
#3
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When I switched I talked about this with my new T and am trying very hard to be real and forthright. It isn't easy. That need to be okay in his eyes is still hard but I think I no longer need him to love me. I need him to help me learn to love myself as I discover who I am. |
#4
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All the best, *Willow* |
#5
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Good insight!! The first step in solving an issue is identifying it. The second is exploring it fully. Keep working.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
#6
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It's T's job to win your trust, and if he doesn't, he's not the T for you.
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Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
#7
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"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#8
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This is his reply There are several reasons to meet to discuss possible termination. While I won’t discuss issues specific to your case, I have included a link that I think does a fair job in discussing the process of ending therapy. I hope the article helps. I will hold the appointment for you until tomorrow. Take care. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...-psychotherapy It was formal and cold ![]() ![]() (although he has always said he won't do therapy via email but that I could email him because he knows it helps me process...but usually he says something positive ) |
#9
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![]() This statement greatly bothers me. The whole point of therapy is to work on the hard issues! My husband, while not a people pleaser, has the same ability to mimic the personalities of others. He calls it being a "social chameleon" and helps him get along with others very well. However, he has a very well defined sense of self. I have the same ability, but I use it to please people. I have very little sense of self. I realize people of influence in my childhood didn't allow me to have a sense of self. My parents didn't reward individuality, my parochial school definitely did not promote a sense of individuality, my church did not look favorably upon individuality...so I learned to have several to please others. The only people in my life who have allowed me to be the "only me I know" is my H, my maternal grandparents, a couple of friends, and the 3 T's I've seen. The conclusion I am coming to in my therapy process is that I have to process, mourn, and let go of the past. Through that process, I will develop a truer, separate sense of self.
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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau |
![]() FourRedheads
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#10
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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