[vanessaG]

So at my appt today I asked T right away if he felt that I should even be in therapy period. He responded right away with a big a fat 'YES'. :/. In a way it felt good that he believed I need to be there (cuz I feel I do) but also it was like damn...I do.

Anyways I touched on the subject minimizing. I didn't use that exact word but he got it. I asked why am I even here if my issues are 'trivial' (which thy are not) and he brought up the list I emailed him. The biggie list of issues from the past. He told me there's no need to dwell on past hurts if it's not affecting you tday. I went over mentally off the list what still bothers me to this day and what doesn't and he pretty much agreed. He just reiterated that you can't change some things so leave them be. So we agree on a couple issues. That's good I think right.

I was just so frustrated today. Tired, depressed, this on my mind and knowing my usual pattern of feeling like crap all day after session was not making me happy.

He said I need to learn to love myself first. I have no idea how to do that. He agreed it would be difficult since I have no 'blueprint' from growing up...as you learn to love yourself from your parents loving you-which I did not have. I asked him what I'm supposed to do then? How do I stRt to love myself? He said begin by doing things you enjoy... I agreed but it's pretty damn near impossible when I barely can get out of bed...

We talked out the frequency of my visits. He said it seemed like I was doing ok for a min but now he agrees to 2x week visits. He said he believes I'm using him as a lifeline and that's ok for now since I have NO consistent support in my life and at least it's giving me a reason to get outta bed for now.

He suggested maybe an all women's support group and I said F no!! Haha. I can't work w/ women I see them as cold, non-empathetic and if even that seemed warm I believe that would be fake. He seemed very interested that I said that almost as a breakthrough? And by then there was 5 min left. I see him on Friday (which is my bday) but I think it's better this way since I usually get depressed on my bday ....

He also told me he would like to see some emotions instead of just 'reporting' incidents. I guess between now & Friday I'll research coping skills between sessions and working on emotions :/. Yikes.

[healed84]

Good for you for bringing up your feelings, and sharing with T what you needed. I hope that the openess and the 2 sessions a week will help you.

[Perna]

Sounds productive. I learned to "love" myself by starting to appreciate my body and head for all it does "automatically". All the defenses and ways I do things, they are to help me cope better! So, they should be appreciated. Think of if someone were going to hit you, how you would, without thinking, throw your hand up to protect yourself? That's what defenses are and we pick/choose our defenses that fit us and what we see as threats. We're good at it too because we're still here!

[vanessaG]

Thanks guys. I went to the bookstore tonite and wile the kids were reading their books I wandered over to the self help section and read a lil bit on self love. I have a lot more research.

I guess I need to find coping skills between sessions but this is my coping skill here on PC! Lol. I'm def gonna make. List as the days go by and well see how Fridays session goes...I def want to talk more about this..

[learning1]

thanks for ur post. it helped me

[granite1]

Originally Posted by vanessaG

So at my appt today I asked T right away if he felt that I should even be in therapy period. He responded right away with a big a fat 'YES'. :/. In a way it felt good that he believed I need to be there (cuz I feel I do) but also it was like damn...I do.

Anyways I touched on the subject minimizing. I didn't use that exact word but he got it. I asked why am I even here if my issues are 'trivial' (which thy are not) and he brought up the list I emailed him. The biggie list of issues from the past. He told me there's no need to dwell on past hurts if it's not affecting you tday. I went over mentally off the list what still bothers me to this day and what doesn't and he pretty much agreed. He just reiterated that you can't change some things so leave them be. So we agree on a couple issues. That's good I think right.

I was just so frustrated today. Tired, depressed, this on my mind and knowing my usual pattern of feeling like crap all day after session was not making me happy.

He said I need to learn to love myself first. I have no idea how to do that. He agreed it would be difficult since I have no 'blueprint' from growing up...as you learn to love yourself from your parents loving you-which I did not have. I asked him what I'm supposed to do then? How do I stRt to love myself? He said begin by doing things you enjoy... I agreed but it's pretty damn near impossible when I barely can get out of bed...

We talked out the frequency of my visits. He said it seemed like I was doing ok for a min but now he agrees to 2x week visits. He said he believes I'm using him as a lifeline and that's ok for now since I have NO consistent support in my life and at least it's giving me a reason to get outta bed for now.

He suggested maybe an all women's support group and I said F no!! Haha. I can't work w/ women I see them as cold, non-empathetic and if even that seemed warm I believe that would be fake. He seemed very interested that I said that almost as a breakthrough? And by then there was 5 min left. I see him on Friday (which is my bday) but I think it's better this way since I usually get depressed on my bday ....

He also told me he would like to see some emotions instead of just 'reporting' incidents. I guess between now & Friday I'll research coping skills between sessions and working on emotions :/. Yikes.

wow being able to be so open with your T.i cant believe he said yes to needing to be in T i think my T would have just answered the stock answer ,do you think you need to be there?
did you find it hard to decide what was important to talk about when you went over your list with him?it sounds like you had a big list and only decided on a few things.
i would love you to share any coping skills you find that work

[vanessaG]

Hmm thanks granite. I never thought of me being so open with T, probably because there's a lot more to come out. Lol
I was jut really blunt when I asked...I was really frustrated and ready to quit so maybe he saw that and mirrored my bluntness back! Well he's actually pretty blunt anyway...

As far as the list. There were like 10? Things on it? The session after I emailed it I barely made it to session (I swear I think that day was the 1st time I've ever had a panic attack! ) and he picked. He actually picked them...I couldn't do it. We hvnt talked about everything on list. Probably about 7....but some of them he said are in the past...can't change them..is what is is typo of thing which I'm not sure how I feel about but I guess he chose others that were bigger and affecting me more.

I have T tomm. I wanna talk about what coping skills I can use and I'll post after my appt. hopefully we can come up with somethin good !

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by granite1

wow being able to be so open with your T.i cant believe he said yes to needing to be in T i think my T would have just answered the stock answer ,do you think you need to be there?

It can be disconcerting to get a straight answer from T, even when that's what I've always wanted.