It's been like a month and xT is still on my mind daily. I've been to see new T twice and I get my testing and a session on Friday. He is going to want to talk about contacting xT for closure. Part of me wants to and part of me doesn't. Will I ever stop thinking about her? I think until I'm over that it will be hard for me to connect to new T. Ugggg My anxiety level is through the roof and I'm self medicating daily...spiral,spiral,spiral...

[mazing]

It can be hard to let go of one therapist but it is possible. As hard as it could be the closure would probably be helpful. And from there it just takes time - try to keep your current therapist involved and let them know how you feel. They should be able to help you.

[stopdog]

It is not surprising it is taking some time - you had a fairly intense thing going on with her.

It takes time. I know its hard. My T dumped me 4 yrs ago and some days i still grieve over her and miss her. But its lots lots better than it used to, having gained some perspective and having a great new T.
Im sorry its sooooo hard. It will get better.

[wheeler]

My xT of many years dumped me and it's taking me a long time, and I've been through a long list of therapist to find someone who has been able to help me get beyond my xT. It was not easy, but the key for me was to keep knowing that it was possible.

Good luck

[healed84]

I think with any close relationship that we lose for whatever reason, it will take awhile. I think that there is normal greiving process that you will go through, and sometimes that takes awhile.

I contacted her for a termination session , as we terminated via email. I wish I could just wash my mind clean of her memory.

I understand. I sooooo wish i could completely forget my ex t. I just dont want her taking up space in my brain. Remembering the pain she caused just aches,& recalling the times she was nice just brings grief.

I hate her with every ounce of my being right now and if I saw her I might just punch her square in the nose!

Sometimes people in our lives have an uncanny way of proving to us that our healthiest perceptions of them are completely accurate allowing us to accept they will never change. It's a shame and painful to go through those moments, but sometimes that is the nail in the coffin which allows us to pick ourselves up and walk the other way.

I totally agree with Farmergirl's assessment of this situation, Lola! You have been even and tempered in your response to your former therapist's uneven and ridiculously self-serving response to your attempt to gain some closure. I know that doesn't take any of the pain or angst away from how you feel right now. BUt please know that this is truly her issue . .. it is her failure as a professional and NOT YOURS!
I hope that you are able to find the support and caring that you deserve!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Sometimes people in our lives have an uncanny way of proving to us that our healthiest perceptions of them are completely accurate allowing us to accept they will never change. It's a shame and painful to go through those moments, but sometimes that is the nail in the coffin which allows us to pick ourselves up and walk the other way.

Holy crap! I was going to get this tatooed...on my stomach but it would not fit .

this nails it for me. In a sense, the "take home" lesson about my therapist was that I learned that my situation in that office would never change.

How ironic, given that I sought therapy to deal with the death of someone who would never accept me, but never changed. And I enlisted into therapy with someone who would never accept me but would never change. My reactions were not accepted; my challenging of the theories was not accepted; my insistence on dealing with certain matters were never accepted. And that wasn't going to change.

My healthiest perception of that therapy (the mix between T and me) was that it was a bad mix of personalities. As simple as that. T sees mostly other therapists, and once or twice lapsed into a behind-the-scenes- discussion of tips on "here's-how-to-treat-the-recalcitrant client talk...believe me, it WAS like being a fly on the wall...oops the mask fell off and it was not pretty! It was truly chilling to hear a therapist talking to someone T had assumed was another therapist ...talking about clients, and the "experiences" that he subjected them to..urging them "to use yourself whenever possible to agitate and stir the patient's reactions and recapitulate their pain" Crap like that......). There will be those of you on this board who think that's keen....have at it!

The bottom line: week in and week out, my healthiest perceptions were accurate. BUT I chose to ignore them. It cost me dearly.
Today I had a monster migraine headache ....very much connected to what I am going through. I hope my head is clearing, quite literally.

I am sorry for hijacking this thread. But I still think -- no, obsess-- about ex t. So I know what you mean, LC.

I went to lunch with a friend, who called this therapy some kind of darkness, . WHY I perpetuated this therapy well beyond the point where my healthiest perceptions were confirmed is where the "sweet spot" of any new therapy undertakinig is for me, and every day that elapses without contacting my ex t, I feel a little more in the clear. I hope you are coming out of the cloud. I don't know if this applies to any of you, but it might.

Lola, if it does not, please hang in there. You deserve the support that you need at this point in your way. I am thinking of you. Stay strong...and take care of YOU.

Blessings,

MCL

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

Holy crap! I was going to get this tatooed...on my stomach but it would not fit

grand idea! times new roman 32, no problemo! (upside down, so I can read it looking down, right? as I contemplate my navel?) but serious good words. really hit home.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I hate her with every ounce of my being right now and if I saw her I might just punch her square in the nose!

Now you're talking!!! I get the next punch at her!!

In all seriousness though, time will help. I wouldn't get your fresh new T entangled with the nasty old T. The new T may be very nice, you don't want to taint the new relationship with that ex T's nonsense.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by hankster

grand idea! times new roman 32, no problemo! (upside down, so I can read it looking down, right? as I contemplate my navel?) but serious good words. really hit home.

I'm heading over to Ink Outside the Box (local parlor) as we speak!

It has taken me a LONG time to understand that the lousy way my therapist ended therapy (out of nowhere, no warning, no closure, just "I'm done") said a lot more about HER than about me. She clearly was acting unprofessionally, and had some issues going on herself, and pretty clueless and a bit just MEAN. But even now every once in a while I still wonder what I did wrong...how did I ruin everything? But most of the time I can see that it wasn't all me, wasn't all my fault-- it had a LOT to do with her (I didn't want to blame her for about 2 years). I think its good that you're getting good and angry about this. I think it will help you heal faster.

[Dreamy01]

I'm not sure of the nature of your relationship with ex T but time generally does heal. I had a very intense relationship with a prior T who I absolutely adored and vice versa, she had to leave the agency after we had worked together for 3 years. I didn't think I'd over get over it. I cried and cried and the grief was horrendous. But here I am, just over a year later, and I've survived.More than that, I see a T who is better for where I am right now and while I still think about ex T on and off, it is more with a fondness than with gut-wrenching grief.

It sounds like the nature of your relationship with this prior T is different to mine, but even with the most intense feelings it is possible to move on with time. The key is to allow yourself to feel those feelings without getting stuck in them. When feelings come up, let them, but don't go looking for them. Keep moving forward and you will eventually let this go.

New T and I are going to process it and I gave him my take on her own issues intertwining with mine. We agreedex to leave her out of this. Right now I am angry at her, so I ll run the spectrum of emotion now I suppose. New T said he will share his counter issues with me and we will discuss them.