What I have to talk to T about tomorrow

(trigger -- SI mentioned)

Ugh. I don't think this will go well. And if you've been following along this is just another aspect of the same thing.

I've been working on having feelings without judging them -- just having them and accepting them and then trying to ferret out where they are coming from.

I know a lot of people here have fantastic Ts -- I think mine is pretty awesome in many ways. I know a lot have cruddy Ts -- or Ts that could do better.

But I have to admit I want one of those Ts that will recognize when you are in crisis and act appropriately. One that will let me be dependent for a while when things are overwhelming. One who doesn't assume I can handle "it" because, after all, I'm smart and I've lived THIS long.

Here are two questions I wrote out (among others) to ask T tomorrow:

1. What seems like an emergency or hitting bottom to me – what do you want me to do? Call? Not call? Email? Not email? Where do I go for help in the acute moments, knowing that they will be dissipating as therapy continues.

AND

2. What do you want me to do with the urges to self harm? It’s nice that we both know the reasons behind it (defense mechanism to avoid painful crap, release, etc), but what do we now do with that? What about when I can’t cut or restrict eating or exercise until my legs buckle? What do I do then?

And although these will be good questions to have answered, I find myself resentful that it will take up so much time when there is so much to work on and say. I'm in the middle of those early-in-therapy-floodgates-of-crap still and I need more. I have to come up with some other coping mechanisms. Each day feels like a week unless I'm exercising -- but you k now I can't do that 8+ hours a day.

Very good Jenluv, your looking for a clear boundary on emails and calls when in crisis. Also her definition of crisis and coping mechanism, sounds like a good conversation to have.

Lola, your "very good" speaks volumes to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed that.

i think your questions are awsome .although i would bet the ones about SI may not be so easy to answer.i would be intrested in what you may come up with.i think you are doing great work in T dont underestimate yourself

Great job definining where you need clarification. Your post was helpful to me as I've been trying to define exactly what it is that I need to ask my T.

I don't know if T has ever worked with clients who SI or not. I don't know if T knows what to do. If T says as much then I will ask T to figure out what to do -- that spending hours on PC, other places on the web, and outside running are not doing it. All it's doing is exhausting me so I don't have the oomph to SI.

Engaging in something that takes the oomph out so no energy to si is sometimes a triumph.

Thanks pbutton and stopdog.

The question is -- If I can only float around the issues during the week in order to not SI how in the world do I get enough opened up and worked on in only 50 minutes a week? I guess that's another good question.

My T says facing the painful emotions and working through them is the alternative to self harm. Allowing ourselves to feel whatever we're feeling....and realizing that the feelings will ebb and flow...

Easier said than done....

Hi Jenluv,

I think these are excellent questions to ask your t.

Not to sidetrack the thread here, but sometimes I wonder and get sooo frustrated and wish Ts would just simply start out with the rules and guidelines of therapy. Like give you a sheet of paper of what to expect and what you do in a crisis, what you can not do in a crisis, etc. That way I could refer to that piece of paper when I needed to. I suppose that might be too simplistic, but it would certainly help me. I'd also like to know what their therapeutic approach is so I know what to expect. Maybe they could even post this online so you could find your T online and not even mess with the initial process of finding out with those initial sessions! LOL OH....how frustrating this whole process is.

Sorry, Jenlu, I do encourage you in this process and wish you good therapy

WTH

I think you formulated your questions really clearly. And I think it's an excellent idea to bring them to T. It's nice to be thought of as strong, but not when it's been a defense against feeling anything for one's whole life. Good luck with the process.

You've got some great questions for your t. A great way to define boundaries and clarify those topics.

I understand the floating around topics to avoid triggers during the week and then only having a session to work on them. I get 50 min every two weeks. I just started a thread about not being motivated to do my t homework. Your question here might have been just what I needed to hear to get myself working on my homework. I don't want to waste my session because I didn't prepare.

jenluv, you are doing a great job defining what you need to know and what you need to address first. I totally understand the difficulty with being shut down all week, and then struggling to open up and address the hard stuff, and then get it all shut down again and put away, all within the span of those lousy fifty minutes. Please let us know if your T offers any helpful suggestions on that point. And good luck tomorrow!

I think therapists have to be optimists.

They have to believe that we will survive, that we will grow and one day we will be happy.

It is part of their objectivity, of their boundaries that they don't get as upset as we do. They are trying to be a sane, reliable, predictable person in our life.

My T said once that the only way he can stand to see certain clients leave the room is if he reminds himself that they lived their lives for years without him and they need him to be the calm in the storm. He has to have faith in their ability to survive until the next week, but reassures them that if they don't have faith in that fact, they can call him anytime.

Those are excellent questions and I hope your T gives you clear, well-defined answers to them.

I really like this. A nice balance of trust in the client's abilities and support.