T's attachment to client

This goes beyond indifference. This is full-blooded rejection.

I infer that you were rejected as a child.

That sucks.

I pulled the last-minute bomb with this question today - well, what else could he say but yes he was attached. I think it's a lie. he was kinda weird today so I emailed him this afternoon cos I kept forgetting to tell him I need to change an appt in a couple of weeks. he said he didn't think there was anything weird but at least now I have a better chance of him remembering the conversation.

What did I reject?
I don't think I was rejected as a child.
It would suck if someone was.

First, look at how you refer to her.
Not "My T", or "T", or even "the therapist". Not even "The one I see."

That one I see.
Not yours, not a therapist, barely even a human.

Secondly, you want T to know beyond all doubt that you are not attached to her.

If you were merely indifferent, I don't think you'd work so hard to show us and her that you don't care. The lady doth protest too much!

You care a lot about your not caring. That's the message I'm getting.

It isn't really any work at all.

i would have to say nope my T is a brick wall with reinforced re bar as far as her feeling anything toward her clients.boundary extrordinair

'Attached'? Hmm.. No, I wouldn't use that word.

She's said she's thought of me, and she's said that she's with me on my journey. I believe her

wow. What a thought provoking question this is.
Do I think my T is attached to me?
Well, I know my T cares for me as a person and as his client.
I also know we share a lot of similar human thoughts and connections that I am sure he does not share with just everyone.
But he has always been protective of his own heart. I tend to be able to see things about people that they may not realize is obvious to me. Kinda like a gift in a way for me to see this. But it helps me understand things sometimes.

My T has to stay guarded because he has one of the kindest souls I have ever known. He reminds me a lot of one of my brothers who I call a "pure" soul. When my T gets hurt, I can tell it is at the deepest part of who he is. He is not shallow in emotions.

A part of me being a client is that I know I can leave the relationship at any time. If my T allowed his heart to be open to me the way it is for his friends, that would be too dangerous to him. He could be seriously hurt by any client who decided to leave the therapy relationship without an understood reason. So my T has to give clients emotional space for his own safety as well as the client's safety.

For me, I can feel it after we get too close. I can see his retreat and going back into his world. Sure, it sometimes would hurt at first to feel it so strongly. But it has taught me a ton about respecting the emotional space of others. He has his reasons and I am learning that his walls of emotional protection around our relationship is a healthy response. Boy was that a tough lesson to learn! oy veigh!

Now it is nice because I have a safe relationship where I can learn about relationships. And I highly value the relationship I do have with my T. I know that he will always remember me because he saved my life and helped transform who I am as a human. And I also know he remembers his other clients because his heart is very big and that is the type of person he is.

I care about all of my students and I like most of my students. Some more than others. Some like me and some don't. I have liked some clients more than others. I don't think I would say I am attached to them. I believe it would be the same for a therapist.

This is how I feel also. T told me last session that no matter what I told her she would always care about me and my well-being. But I know it is at a t-client level.

I relate to it like when I taught swimming lessons to young children. I cared about all my students. I never wanted them to get hurt during a lesson, I did my best to teach them, and truly enjoyed seeing them succeed and pass onto the next level. I did miss a few of them because they were such fun students. I appreciated all the drawings and cards they gave me at the end of our class. If I saw them outside of class it was nice to talk with them, but I didn't want to be invited to their birthday parties or extend the relationship beyond the swimming lessons. I taught them skills that helped them move on to the next level. In some cases they taught me lessons in patience and flexibility. That was the purpose of our relationship.

It's a relationship and I think T has thoughts and feelings a little similar to when a coworker you have worked with for awhile changes jobs or a semester finishes and how a teacher feels with the students moving on.

I think attachment may be confused with fondness or caring here. I know that my therapist is quite fond of me, and genuinely cares about what happens to me.

I do not think he is attached to me.

This IS a good question. I would say my T is frustrated at me - how much more would he have to give me before I "believed", before I would let go and let myself attach and feel and all that other good stuff? I'm sitting here with the rest of you, saying, but yeah, it's not a REAL relationship... What would it hurt me, and what would I gain?

It would hurt me - my first thought was that it would feel like I am giving in to the mother. But she is nowhere near this field. And I have everything to gain. He has let ME call this game as no one else ever has before - so I really should take advantage of that, and LIVE it. Surprising answer to an outrageous question! Thanks again for the wisdom AND GUTS to ask it, BELLA!