[granite1]

so i get there and she is 10 min late for the session she didn't say anything as usual until we got to the room.i walked in the room and the chair had been moved to about 3 inches from the opposite wall she relay wants me in the corner.it totally threw me again.then she says she was sorry and she would make it up to me.(she didn't) then she got up and said i want some water I'm going to get some want some ??i shook my head no she left the room and went and filled her water bottle.i felt left there again in the corner.she got back and sat in her chair and then grabbed her can of mints and said i want a mint then asked if i wanted one.i shook my head no.she said she needed one because her mouth gets dry with all the talking we are doing.she was just so mean and angry at me i don't know why.all i wanted to do is say i was sorry for even existing.she said other mean thing also but i don't remember it all.i told you all people hurt and that never changes .that is one constant i can depend on.she sent me on my way on time didn't make up lost time .I'm hurt and i don't want to go backi don't want to be in the corner.but she deserves her space if she needs it.maybe it is her way of protecting herself from me

[BonnieJean]

What? She couldn't have filled her water bottle while she was waiting for you to arrive? That time is yours and her attention should be on you, not on herself. Can you move the chair back to where you want it or feel more comfortable?
Right now you probably don't want to think of any of that, I'm sorry. It must have been such a tough time.

[BonnieJean]

did you get to talk about compassion?

[granite1]

she just hates me and people hurt.

[pbutton]

I wonder if the patient before you is moving the chair? When I get cranky at T I move my chair sometimes.

Maybe try to focus on the positives? She offered you water. She offered you a mint.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by BonnieJean

did you get to talk about compassion?

no i couldnt open my mouth.she was just so angry i don't know what i am doing to her .this always happens i tried really hard to not make this happen

[mrmanatee]

all people don't hurt... it sounds as if she is either trying to provoke a reaction out of you or she is being a jerk. if you feel you are being treated poorly (it seems like you are from your description) could you find a different therapist? she should be making you feel welcome, safe, and cared for, I think?!

[velcro003]

aw granite she doesn't hate you. maybe she was distracted today, there are SO many reasons why she wasn't on her "game" today. you felt "put in the corner" last session, but it was very obvious that she wasn't intending that. i highly doubt she was trying to do that today. from what you wrote, nothing she said or did seemed mean or intended to hurt you. you were feeling extremely vulnerable after the last session, and your emotions are heightened. i promise you that maybe she felt off today, nothing else. no rational, sane person goes from feeling compassionate for your pain one week, and then hates you the next. it just doesn't happen that way.

[BonnieJean]

i missed that the first time i read it - she was late! and didn't make it up?? And got herself water.. You deserve much better treatment, granite.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by granite1

no i couldnt open my mouth.she was just so angry i don't know what i am doing to her .this always happens i tried really hard to not make this happen

you see her as being angry, but what *proof* do you have? it is so easy to distort someone's facial expression, or tone of voice.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by granite1

so i get there and she is 10 min late for the session she didn't say anything as usual until we got to the room.i walked in the room and the chair had been moved to about 3 inches from the opposite wall. She really wants me in the corner.it totally threw me again.

then she says she was sorry and she would make it up to me.(she didn't)

then she got up and said i want some water I'm going to get some want some ?? i shook my head no she left the room and went and filled her water bottle. I felt left there again in the corner.

she got back and sat in her chair and then grabbed her can of mints and said i want a mint then asked if i wanted one.i shook my head no.she said she needed one because her mouth gets dry with all the talking we are doing. She was just so mean and angry at me i don't know why.

I am sorry to hear you are in so much pain.

I've taken the liberty of putting your responses in blue. It is clear you feel rejected and abandoned.

But what actually happened?
* She was late.
* The chair was in a different place.
* She offered you some water.
* She offered you a mint.

Now I wasn't there and I didn't hear her voice. But her actions don't add up to hate, as far as I can see. The therapist you have described over the past months doesn't sound like a hater.

I'm sure you felt the emotions you describe, and they sound horrible. But I can't help wondering if you didn't bring those emotions with you into that room. Did you already feel like that, and saw everything that happened through the lens of your own pain?

Sending you hugs. ((Granite))

[granite1]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I wonder if the patient before you is moving the chair? When I get cranky at T I move my chair sometimes.

Maybe try to focus on the positives? She offered you water. She offered you a mint.

i know you are trying to come up with other reasons but it isn't the case.the basket was also moved with the chair and if it was so the client before could use it she emptied it and if she had time to do that she had time to move the chair.she wants me away from her i don.t know why i have never been violent to her.it really hurts but i must have done something

[pbutton]

I don't really see anything that shows her behavior as angry granite.

I think you might seek out and see anger in your T, the same way that I seek out clues that my T doesn't want to help me. Neither one of these things are logical, nor do they stem from the actual therapist - it's old baggage.

Don't give up granite.

Granite, she does not hate you but she did really trigger you. The chair being moved, the feeling like you were put in the corner, etc... IMO your T. probably doesn't even realize the chair being moved is an issue. Could you talk about how it makes you feel? Could you talk about it triggering feelings from the past? It would be so wonderful for you if you could talk about those feelings of how all the things the mother did to you made you feel while you were feeling those feelings... It could lead to so much healing. It could help you see that your T is not the mother and you are no longer a little girl ...

but right now I'm going to send lots of hugs sincei know you feel hurt right now..

[unaluna]

Has she seen your corner drawings? Does she know what being in the corner means to you? Even so, you should remind her. I have to move my chair away from the bookcase every time I come in. I don't CARE if he just adjusted it, or if it doesn't leave him enough room for his footrest. I like to sit slanty and lean back. BUT I have 2 more years with my T than you have with yours. I would not have touched my chair 2 years ago. Except for the time I started laughing so hard I bounced myself over backwards in it like Humpty Dumpty. Then ever after I DID make sure it was leaning against the bookcase. But that was a different chair. Do you have to visit the grandmother this weekend?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I am sorry to hear you are in so much pain.

I've taken the liberty of putting your responses in blue. It is clear you feel rejected and abandoned.

But what actually happened?
* She was late.
* The chair was in a different place.
* She offered you some water.
* She offered you a mint.

Now I wasn't there and I didn't hear her voice. But her actions don't add up to hate, as far as I can see. The therapist you have described over the past months doesn't sound like a hater.

I'm sure you felt the emotions you describe, and they sound horrible. But I can't help wondering if you didn't bring those emotions with you into that room. Did you already feel like that, and saw everything that happened through the lens of your own pain?

Sending you hugs. ((Granite))

when she asked me if i wanted a mint it was mean.her exact words were i need a mint,want one i need one with the dry mouth i get with all the talking we do.it was very sarcastic and mean.same with the water.she wasnt really offering me water it was mean.i'm confused.she asked me a queston and i guess i didn't remember it and she asked me for the answer.and then said you dont even know the question .why come here and check out thike that.it hurt.so much of what she did hurt so bad it was like she was stabbing me over and over again.

[ECHOES]

granite, when I read what you wrote, I thought she sounded comfortable with you.

Originally Posted by granite1

i know you are trying to come up with other reasons but it isn't the case.the basket was also moved with the chair and if it was so the client before could use it she emptied it and if she had time to do that she had time to move the chair.she wants me away from her i don.t know why i have never been violent to her.it really hurts but i must have done something

Perhaps she just likes the chair in that spot and it has absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever. I mean it appears that the chair is probably used by other clients too. Does that mean she hates all of her clients? Granite, slow down and think more logically about this. She has always been supportive. There is no clear evidence that she hates you. About every other session you get in a panic that she is angry. It has never been real.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by hankster

Has she seen your corner drawings? Does she know what being in the corner means to you? Even so, you should remind her. I have to move my chair away from the bookcase every time I come in. I don't CARE if he just adjusted it, or if it doesn't leave him enough room for his footrest. I like to sit slanty and lean back. BUT I have 2 more years with my T than you have with yours. I would not have touched my chair 2 years ago. Except for the time I started laughing so hard I bounced myself over backwards in it like Humpty Dumpty. Then ever after I DID make sure it was leaning against the bookcase. But that was a different chair. Do you have to visit the grandmother this weekend?

i dont know why she is doing this and i am freaking out trying to figure out why .

[granite1]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Perhaps she just likes the chair in that spot and it has absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever. I mean it appears that the chair is probably used by other clients too. Does that mean she hates all of her clients? Granite, slow down and think more logically about this. She has always been supportive. There is no clear evidence that she hates you. About every other session you get in a panic that she is angry. It has never been real.

why would she want the chair in the corner away from her after almost 3 years.i really am trying chris but she was so sarcastic and mean.she really was i'm not making it up

Originally Posted by granite1

why would she want the chair in the corner away from her after almost 3 years.i really am trying chris but she was so sarcastic and mean.she really was i'm not making it up

I'm grasping at straws here to understand why your T would be sarcastic... but since you said she was ...maybe she was trying to get you to stand up for yourself... To look at her and say..." I don't like being made to feel like I'm in the corner and I'm going to move this chair to where I like it to be!" or you could have said "I don't appreciate that tone of voice you are using".....

either of those two things would be really hard for me to say....

[karebear1]

Granite- the chair may have been moved around by the cleaning people that clean and vaccum her office. They probably feel like they are putting the chair back in it's place, but they're not exactly. But, you are sensitive to the corner, so you are going to notice any little misplacement of that chair.

Was there anything that happened today that would have made you feel vulnerable? It didn't have to be about T- it could've been anything that may have made you feel like you needed to protect yourself. Maybe you said something to someone and wish you hadn't?

I don't know granite...... usually when you speak of T you say she is nice and consistant, and that you have been surprised by her reactions to things you have said- even though you thought she would not be and you worried yourself to death over it. PLEASE- you are such a sweet and deserving girl. I wish you could feel some of that confidence you have when you share with her your worries and she reacts in a way that makes you feel so good about having told her. I think you ould ask her about the chair- and you should ask her about the chair. I'll betcha she's not even aware that it's been moved but would make sure it's always in the right place when tyou come in thereafter.

I'll be thinking about you granite and praying you're able to come to some kind of calmness and comfort about this subject.

[unaluna]

so I wonder WHY she was late - what happened in that 10 minutes, was it the previous client, or did she get a phone call that upset her? that's probably why she went to get water, to try to collect herself. she probably doesn't realize how tuned in you are to her. she thinks that because you're quiet, you're in YOUR own little world, when actually you are in HERS. my T once said to me that he thought he was able to handle himself quite professionally and still perform even though he was tired or upset or really mad. I told him, well, sorry, but no, you're not - I can tell. So maybe she didn't say anything about it because she thought that would be unprofessional, but really what she did was even worse.

Originally Posted by granite1

why would she want the chair in the corner away from her after almost 3 years.i really am trying chris but she was so sarcastic and mean.she really was i'm not making it up

An attempt at redecorating? Who knows? But to assume she did it just because of you just makes no sense at all.

I do think you really, really have to talk to her about how triggering the furniture placement is for you. Perhaps if it's physically possible in the room to move the chair forward, she'll let you slide it forward when you come in. I'm sure she will be willing to hear you and search for a solution. Remember how relieved you were when you asked her to schedule you on a different day? She heard you and was able to help you with that.

I wonder if the meanness you perceived has much more to do with your mother - probably triggered by feeling punished in that chair- than it has to do with your T?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

I have to move my chair away from the bookcase every time I come in. I don't CARE if he just adjusted it, or if it doesn't leave him enough room for his footrest. I like to sit slanty and lean back. BUT I have 2 more years with my T than you have with yours. I would not have touched my chair 2 years ago.

I often find a cushion in the chair and my first action on arriving is to take it out. A tiny but constant reminder that the room doesn't belong to me.

Granite, I'm sorry, but other people use that room and many of them move stuff around to suit themselves.
Maybe you could do the same?