[Bella01]

Do you every think that your t is attached to you? I sometimes feel that T would be lost without me. He always seems so happy to see me and then there's times that I have nothing to say to him and he's o.k. with that..

[critterlady]

I certainly think he truly cares about me. I don't think he'd be lost without me.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by Bella01

Do you every think that your t is attached to you?

Ha! ROFL!!

NO, and no. Nope. Nein. Nyet.

[WikidPissah]

no, I don't think he likes me much either...lol

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Bella01

Do you every think that your t is attached to you?

I think my T feels a healthy "T" amount of attachment towards me. I don't know if "attachment" is necessarily the right word-- maybe "connection" is a better fit. She's happy to see me when I walk through the door, she genuinely cares about me and how I'm doing, and she always wants the best for me. Occasionally, she'll tell me that she saw something that reminded her of me during the week, that she (anonymously) repeated a funny story I told her, that she's given more thought to something I said and now had a "spiel" for me, or that she was anxious to hear an update from me on a particular thing we discussed the previous week. I can feel her level of caring, and I think it's exactly right for the level of a T-client relationship. If I stopped therapy tomorrow, she would miss me as a client, but it wouldn't interrupt her life or anything like that. She'd think about me from time to time (say, if a new client reminded her of me, or when she happened to pass by one of the places I talked a lot about), and she'd be happy to get an update from me once in a while and send me an e-mail back (she's told me when I stop therapy, I'm welcome to send her an update once or twice a year and she will respond). I'm really happy with the level of care, connection, and attachment I feel with my T. I love her in a "T-way" and I think she loves me in a "client way." Whether she'd use the word "love" or "caring" or "professional regard," I don't know and I don't think it makes much difference. I feel positive energy coming from her, towards me, and that's all I need to be able to trust her and open up.

Nope.... not a chance. She's an awesome T and there are times when she truly seems to enjoy our conversation but........... no.

I second the "connection" and the "I feel positive energy coming from her, towards me" mentioned by scorpiosis37. That sums it up nicely!

[Nightlight]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I think my T feels a healthy "T" amount of attachment towards me.

Basically everything you said, sums up my relationship with my T also.

She'd be absolutely fine without me, of course. She might remember me from time to time. I probably have a more negative view of this than she does. I'm sure she's said things before that I just can't remember. I think she has said that she would miss me. She has also said that she cares. ultimately, I know she wants to help me the best that she can, so that I can get out there and live my life without her help. I know she's conscious of how difficult the financial side of it is for me, also. Sometimes she'll suggest that I see someone else, because I'd save money and it always really upsets me...how easy it would be for her to send me on my way!

I think connection is probably the right way to describe it. She has a healthy connection with me... and I'm the one who is really, quite attached!

[CantExplain]

My T is genuinely pleased to see me, and genuinely pleased to see me happy.
I hope she's got me filed under "successes".

[Butterflies Are Free]

Yes, my T is attached to me and would miss me if I stopped therapy. I also know that her life would go on...

[stopdog]

I am fairly certain the one I see only remembers my name because it is written down. I would not like thinking she is attached to me, so I don't.

[pbutton]

No, I don't think he is attached to me. I watched his reaction as another patient walked out and quit on him. I'd imagine the reaction to my departure would be similar. He told me it was common in his line of work.

No. Not attached. We genuinely like each other as people, but when I finally mosey on down the road we'll go our separate ways and lead our lives as normal. I'm sure he'll think of me from time to time as a passing memory as we all occasionally do, but attached and lost without me? Absolutely not.

Originally Posted by Bella01

Do you every think that your t is attached to you? I sometimes feel that T would be lost without me. He always seems so happy to see me and then there's times that I have nothing to say to him and he's o.k. with that..

Nope, I don't think my therapist is "attached" to me in a manner that means that she would be devastated or forelorn if I quit therapy. I know that she would miss me in a way that any normal human being would be if they weren't able to see or meet with a person that they liked or enjoyed being with suddenly disappeared out of her life . .. but it wouldn't ruin or hurt her in a devastating way.

I am confident enough to know that I have impacted her life, but no more than she has impacted or affected my life. We would both survive and go on with our lives. I know that when I arrive, she's happy to see me. But I also know that she is happy to see ALL the clients who enter her office. It's part of her professional demeanor. It's what she is good at!

My T and I had a conversation one time about whether it would bug him if I had liked the marriage counselor better as a therapist than him. [I was embarrassed about being worried about him liking my best friend who was also going to see him as a therapist better than me. So, as part of that conversation, I was trying to establish in my own head that my concern was normal because T wouldn't like it if I like someone else better than him as a therapist, if that makes any sense.]

Okay, long preamble to say that when I asked him if it would bug him if I chose the marriage counselor as a therapist over him, or liked the other therapist better, my T said, "Oh God, yes. I'd really miss you."

I know it wouldn't devastate him and he'd go on with his life, though.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

My T and I had a conversation one time about whether it would bug him if I had liked the marriage counselor better as a therapist than him. [I was embarrassed about being worried about him liking my best friend who was also going to see him as a therapist better than me. So, as part of that conversation, I was trying to establish in my own head that my concern was normal because T wouldn't like it if I like someone else better than him as a therapist, if that makes any sense.]

Okay, long preamble to say that when I asked him if it would bug him if I chose the marriage counselor as a therapist over him, or liked the other therapist better, my T said, "Oh God, yes. I'd really miss you."

I know it wouldn't devastate him and he'd go on with his life, though.

That's a nice thing for your T to have said. I don't imagine my T would miss me if I left. On my (frequent) self-doubting days, I tell myself that she'd say good riddance to me going. On my (much, much less frequent) more reasonable days, I still don't think she'd miss me, but she might wonder once or twice about where my life was taking me.

[bipolarmedstudent]

I've been seeing my psychiatrist for 10 years for therapy, but no, I don't think she's attached to me. I would find it really weird and...wrong...if she was. I think she genuinely wants to see me happy and succeeding, but I don't think she would miss me if I stopped seeing her. And I wouldn't want her to miss me. I like that we have a professional doctor-patient relationship and that there is some distance there. I wouldn't want us to get too close. It would make me feel very uncomfortable.

As a client: My T is attached to me, and has said so. We have been through a lot together, and some has been very intense but we got to the other side. She has said she would be hurt if I just suddenly left, because we do have a connection, a relationship, and we should be able to work through those things. She has said even when our therapy work is done, she will be so happy that we did it together, but definitely miss me and hope I check in.

As a therapist: I care about my clients. I care about how they do in therapy. I care if they cancel or "fall off the face of the earth" out of therapy. But I have a healthy "attachment" to them in a therapeutic way, in which I respect and let them make their choices. I may think about them from time to time, wonder how they're doing, hope they are doing their best, but my life and their life will certainly go on.

[CantExplain]

I've thought careful about this, and I think my T is attached to me.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Curious subject. My immediate thought was "no" but probably because I thought of it in terms of the same kind of attachment the client has; after hearing Stormy and others describe what attachment might look like from the T side, I could say "maybe"

T2 has said she is "committed" to our work. Is this attachment? I feel a push of resistance when I think about that; it seems I don't want her to be. Not worth it, is I guess the feeling I have.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

T2 has said she is "committed" to our work.

My T said long ago (i must have asked him! ) that he is committed "to the process". I'm good with that - it leaves me free to go wherever I want "in the process".

My t has a healthy attachment.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

My T said long ago (i must have asked him! ) that he is committed "to the process". I'm good with that - it leaves me free to go wherever I want "in the process".

I hated it when my T said that. (It must be a cliche they pick up at T school)

I don't want you to be committed to the process. I want you to be committed to me.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Curious subject. My immediate thought was "no" but probably because I thought of it in terms of the same kind of attachment the client has; after hearing Stormy and others describe what attachment might look like from the T side, I could say "maybe"

Yes, it's interesting that so many people have said 'no, because T wouldn't be broken if I left'. That's the kind of 'attachment' that some of us form, but I think it's perfectly possible for Ts to form healthy attachments to clients.

I think my T does feel attached to me. I believe her when she says that she thinks of me. I believe that she would be very hurt indeed if I just disappeared. We had a really bad session in Feb and she said she was affected to the point of finding it difficult to be fully present with the next person. However, I also completely believe that T's happiness, functioning etc does not depend in any way on me or her relationship with me! She is attached in a way that meets my needs, not hers.

On the other hand, a year ago as she was going on holiday I said I would really miss her, and she replied 'I will miss you too'. That freaked me out. I brought it up recently and she said it is a different kind of missing- it's more noticing that I'm not there, because I'm 'part of her day' in the sense that our contact slots into her day. I told her that if she said she missed me, it suggested that our relationship is to meet her needs instead of (or as well as) to meet mine. She agreed and said that was why she doesn't say 'I'll miss you' anymore. Phew.

[CantExplain]

I don't remember T saying "I'll miss you", but she has said, "I missed you too."

I enjoyed hearing that.

[stopdog]

That one I see asked if I missed her. I responded with about as much as you missed me. I never thought that could mean we had missed each other. Next time I will just say no.