Would you give up IQ for EQ?

[QUOTE=CantExplain;2308125

Stopdog, there are some hypersensitives on PC (where else would you expect to find them?) and I, for one, am prepared to show them some extra consideration.
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I endeavor to disengage with those who do not like engaging with me, but I will not be stifled in general. Usually I assume we can avoid those with whom we do not see eye to eye. I only give my opinion which others are free to ignore or disagree with as they choose.

I'll play the hand I've been dealt when it comes to EQ vs IQ. I tend to prefer the idea of multiple intelligences anyway. People have strengths in different areas of life. I learn from people who are stronger in the areas where I am not as strong and vice versa.

[quote=tkdgirl;2307746]



I agree some of the EQ stuff can be learned but I don't think this learning is linked to current IQ necessarily. This is where the struggle seems to come into play. You can't learn all aspects of EQ from a book, there seems to be some aspect that almost seems to be indescribable. I'm working on coming up with some examples. And it seems even harder to learn when ones default is to try use logic to understand, which doesn't appear to do that well in learning EQ.


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Yes, I think there is a greater struggle for some than others, and that high intelligence/intellectual capabilities isn't necessarily going to make it easy to learn all aspects of EQ - and might in some ways work against one.
I think perhaps there is sometimes a deep, innate personality element involved, as in nature.....or a person was so deeply affected by environmental circumstances/upbringing, as in nurture, that the wiring, if you will, is very hard to change. That's not worded as precisely as I'd like to describe the mental image I have of what I mean.....
I think for myself I could have learned more EQ growing up when I was younger, my brain more malleable, my personality/traits/coping skills not so deeply embedded.....that I could have more easily learned emotional regulation/social graces, etc if I had not been so busy just surviving. I think my intelligence is what enabled me to develop some of the coping skills I needed to survive, my intelligence is one of the few definite cornerstones of my identity that I have always had.....but some things about EQ defy being learned purely through sheer intellectual ability, true. It takes somewhat of a different approach.....for me, it has been more of a spiritual one. My spirituality, for me, is something that has really helped me grow emotionally......
I too think that there are many different types of intelligence/abilities, many unique ways in which those are blended in each of us.....
For myself, I stink at numbers, I am not really a coolly logical (though I am analytical), mathematical, scientific type, but I am good with words, with abstract, conceptional thinking. I am really good at thinking about and parsing out my emotions ...... and I am good at sitting down and thinking about others' words/actions and parsing out their motives. I am good at the whole thinking thing ..... but I falter when it comes to the practical application of what I do with my perceptions, both accurate/inaccurate, how I should react accordingly. I can also analyze my emotions, but that doesn't mean I am so great at regulating them.....working on this.
Intelligence and wisdom are related, but also oh so different.....I am very smart, but not so wise; very intellectual, but not as versed in common sense, practical knowledge......
I choose to believe I am capable of learning, though, and that the effort is worth it. I can at least adapt/modify my behavior, even if I can't altogether change my personality/intelligence level and style/way of thinking or what goes on in the deepest parts of me. I accept that for me, certain aspects of social interactions/relationships are more of a struggle and I have to be more alert and think more what to do because it doesn't all come naturally/easily to me....

Yes, I think I could use a little more EQ---depends on how much IQ I'd have to surrender!

I find it interesting that pbutton and stopdog seemed to equate higher EQ with a negative connotation of being too emotional. I guess I was viewing EQ as the missing link to happiness. I suppose this might not be what I am truely looking for as I have no desire either to become touchy-feely or super sensitive (not that these are not good characterists for some, just not something I desire). Something to ponder.

Great insight SpiritRunner. I can relate a lot to what you posted. Maybe there isn't always a trade-off but it seems that at some point something affected us, so that we were driven either to embrace more our IQ or EQ. There seems to be a need for a balance of both versus one or the other. Change is always difficult, as well as learning new strategies, and maybe the fact that our current methods thus far have enabled us to survive and get to where we are makes it all that much more difficult. I truely do hope EQ can be learned without the need to sacrifice IQ, maybe as some mentioned its finding a way to use our IQ to leverage EQ that is the real solution.

Plus there is the problem of what is too emotional to each person. I imagine I (and possibly pbutton may be closer to my end of the scale) am on one far end as to what on the scale of showing/having emotion is too much or too little. I find those little icon things to be too much expression of emotion for me to use (plus I almost never know which one means what). For me, "that was not terrible" is almost over the top praise. To others, that would be tepid at best.

I've often said that it is totally devestating to me to realize that intellectually I'm capable of so much more but that emotionally I'm unable to hold it together long enough to achieve too much of anything ...

I wouldn't want to trade either one for the other ... I would just like to achieve a healthy balance of both ...

For once in my life ... And, preferably before I die ...

Sincerely,
BrokenCloud

yeah that's what I meant! thankew! oh and I am unable to hang onto what I accomplish, to build; I sisyphus myself.

I Sisyphus myself... Very funny verbing and a challenging tongue twister to boot.

Thankfully, I am very dull in both areas so I don't have to worry about giving up one for the other, even hypothetically.

I feel deeply, my emotional life can sometimes be very intense ...... but I am not necessarily comfortable displaying that depth of feeling, or always with others displaying it, too. I would suck as a T because even though I do feel strong empathy for people in pain, I have a very hard time dealing with deep, intense expressions of emotion (ie, tears can make me squirm). So for me intellectualizing emotion, doing forensic analysis on it, is my way of handling it safely. That does make me seem cool, controlled, detached on the surface to those who do not know me well .... that is a part of me, but not the whole of me.
I am actually expressive, more so when I am feeling socially comfortable or whatever; I like to use those emoticons here to try to make a correlation with the body language/expression that isn't seen, but might if I were saying such and such in person.....and also to try to clarify and/or soften my meaning at times. I like to use, but not overuse, them.

I always concentrate on things I am good at. That makes me a natural specialist. But it also means that there are big holes in my portfolio, and EQ was one of them.

It's good to challenge yourself with things you're not so good at ..... for example, I'm good at running a long time, but I'm not so good at sprinting/doing speed work. I hate it, as a matter of fact. But if I work on it, it will help me improve as a runner, become faster over longer periods of time, better pace ... and improve my fitness. (If I had my choice, though, I'd rather just lift weights, but then I wouldn't be aerobically fit at all, really, and what good is having big, strong muscles and not having any aerobic fitness? No balance....)
So...I've spent my life being a good intellectual-izer and being good at getting insight...about time I got better at actually dealing with and feeling and handling my emotions and putting some things into practical application in my mind/heart/life.
And I've spent my life being happy to be more solitary and introverted, thinking from within ...... so about time I learn more about reaching out, looking outward, doing more than what I used to think was necessary to have deeper, richer connections and relationships.
It's all about as fun as sprinting on a stupid track sometimes, and I'd rather just follow the usual groove in my brain....but some new grooves would be cool, too.
I want fewer holes in my portfolio, I guess.

I have no EQ. I have a decent IQ (not high or anything but enough to get me by). It depends on what kind of life you want to live, as to which is more preferable.

For example: I used to just do the "societal expectations" thing. I worked, slept, ate, work, slept, ate. I was DAMN good at my job. I earnt a LOT of money. I had a good reputation. I had every material thing one needs in life. People did not bother me because they were insignificant to me. My IQ was sufficient for that kind of life and it served me well. EQ was not required whatsoever. A high IQ person in this sort of life would be a millionaire.

However if you were religious or into art or are a musician or something like that, an EQ would be much better for you and IQ becomes unnecessary. All these things require an emotional component. You do your art/spirituality/whatever and you can hire others to do the IQ stuff for you. You go really well in your interests. Same goes for highly social people. If you are into these things then an EQ would get you MUCH farther than an IQ could ever hope to do. If you had a high EQ you would be a millionaire in this group.

If I was able to choose I would choose the IQ route again I think. I am not interested in anything that requires an EQ so for me it is still unnecessary. However right now I am borked because I have an ok IQ but 20 years of psych meds have killed my cognitive skills totally. And as we all know, even if you have a super high IQ, if you have no cognitive ability then the IQ is useless.

I don't think it's impossible to have both high levels of "traditional intelligence" as you have termed it, and emotional intelligence. There are two types of intelligence: fluid intelligence, which is a persons natural ability, which many psychologists have argued is predominantly hereditary, and crystallized intelligence, which is stuff we have learned from books and life experiences ie. knowledge, which constitutes the intellect.

Emotional intelligence is a different animal, but not necessarily an adversary of fluid and/or crystallized intelligence. In fact, within a well integrated, self actualised person (Maslow) you can expect to find high levels of all three types of intelligence, and displaying a cold, rational intellect that seems devoid of all human feeling does not mean that emotional intelligence is absent or lacking, it may simply be an indicator of an optimal functioning intellect which views the containment of emotion as conducive to expressing oneself articulately and clearly, and without the contamination which emotionality can sometimes cause.

I would not be willing to sacrifice some fluid or crystallized intelligence to gain emotional intelligence, as despite my posting style, I am actually quite a sensitive and emotional person, but also very adept at concealing it. For me the question should be "would you be prepared to sacrifice some emotional intelligence to gain some fluid or crystallized intelligence?", and the answer would have to be "perhaps".

I value both my intellectual intelligence and emotional intelligence in equal measure, as a disequilibrium or one without the other is disadvantageous and a barrier to the pursuit and achievement of a well rounded, complete personality, and accession to the "Higher Self", which can ultimately lead to a happy, prosperous, and satisfactory life.

Btw, IQ tests are a faulty tool with which to measure intelligence, as they claim to measure fluid intelligence ie. natural ability, but the truth is many questions on IQ tests are dependent on some measure of crystallized intelligence to be answered. For example, if I had never learned to do mathematics I wouldn't be able to solve a metamathematical puzzle. That does not mean I am incapable, stupid, or do not have the ability to do maths, it just means that I was never taught and thus never learned.

The same could apply to driving or playing snooker, ..these are all learned abilities. So your intelligence quotient is an inaccurate score indicative of approximate intelligence level, produced by a test which is reputed to be biased in favour of white, middle class Western males, and which in no way should be viewed as an accurate indicator of academic ability, and despite protestations from the creators of these tests (mostly white, middle class, Western males).

The most intelligent people I know are those who know their limitations.

That's real intelligence.

I have a high EQ and a very average IQ and I can tell...even from reading these boards, that I am happier than most!

Example...My self soothing and social skills are top notch, so when bad news throws me for a loop, I know what to do...when to reach out for a friend, when to run myself a hot bath. I find that my high IQ/lower EQ friends absolutely FLOUNDER when in similar circumstances.

Ignorance, it turns out REALLY IS BLISS!

MCL just wondering if you always had a high EQ or if this was something you had to really work to develop?

Yes and No. I suppose I was "like this" to begin with. But I gravitated towards jobs where I needed to learn how to finesse things and deal with people, and I was given a huge amount of training, both on the job and in a series of amazing classes that my employer sent me to...things like "coaching skills for managers," and "handling anger" and "time and self management."

Looking back on it, I can't believe my employers paid for this...for all their top managers. It must have cost them huge money! This simply doesn't happen these days, so I was blessed!

I suppose it is not good for my eq outlook that just the thought of having to attend training classes like these makes my brain hurt.

(I am making fun of ME - not anyone else about this)

I'm right there with you, stopdog. Or right NOT there, I suppose. I don't wanna go to those classes either.

I want to add a winking smiley, but I shall refrain. I'll just wink at the computer as I hit the submit button.

you're not alone ..... the idea of attending training classes makes me roll my eyes and sigh ..... mainly because I'm just conceited enough to think I am smart enough and can learn, am learning, some of this EQ stuff on my own!
of course, I have had the help of friends, and have learned stuff from my Ts, too, so I recognize the value of gaining knowledge and wisdom from others. it's not that I think I can do it/learn it all totally by myself.
it's just that the idea of EQ-type training classes makes me want to head the other direction and say, I'm going to learn this my way, not your way! oops, that's my contrary spirit showing through.

Apparently some of us (me) have a way to go before EQ even registers on the scale. Maybe there is a EQ prereq/kindergarten for me. I wonder if I should be out among others without a keeper.

you seem to keep yourself quite well.
maybe you don't want to think about it, but I think you do register on the EQ scale. I've noted posts where you (drumroll......) show empathy and compassion for others. Yes, it's in a concise, direct and matter of fact way, but it still counts in my book.

I doubt if this is EQ but I don't want others to be hurt, I want them to be okay and a safe distance from me.
Growing up I wanted my sibling to be safe, and I would protect said sibling if I could. I did not want to take care of him, but I did not want anything bad to happen. I wanted to put up a force field long enough for sibling to escape and go flourish someplace not so dangerous. I had the intelligence to figure out how to draw the fire away from him, but not the ability to convince him not to run around me and fling himself at the enemy in an emotional display.

I wonder if EQ is really so important in art and music?

I suspect that EQ is irrelevant to electronic music and a disadvantage in punk.