What if your identity was stolen? Could you tell someone who you were?

My assignment for my next therapy session is to figure out WHO I am. Who is Squiggle? My first response is this: wife, mother, grandmother, caregiver, teacher, sister, friend, etc....That's who Squiggle is.

So often we find ourselves grappling to figure out who we really are independently from others. What is our identity apart from what we do or what we are to others? I don't think I have an identify. Do you? Could you answer this question?

Squiggle is _______________. I have to fill in the blanks! I hate these kinds of assignments. I told her that I wasn't going to do it. She kinda smirked and said "Okay, we'll see what you bring in next week." (She knows that I will do everything I can to do the assignment. Can't help it. The teacher does her homework whether she likes it or not.)

Quotes I found on identity:

“The deeper I go into myself the more I realize that I am my own enemy.” Floriano Martins

“Who are we but the stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, and believe?” Scott Turow

“I spend a lot of time trying to not be me. So much so that I have become who I’m not.” Jarod Kintz

"We must be trying to learn who we really are rather than trying to tell ourselves who we should be.” John Powell

“Behind every mask there is a face, and behind that a story.” Marty Rubin


Thanks for any input to help me with my assignment.

This is a really hard assignment Squiggs! I've been thinking off and on about this for about a month and I'll be darned if I can figure it out. I mean, I know what I like to do. I love to sing, play and listen to music- so I guess you could say I'm a musician (although not by profession). I love to volunteer my time and work to better others lives (again- not by profession). I am very ineterested in artsy type things- photography, book binding, journaling (But by no means any professionalism or training in those things).

What exactly does T want when she asks this question? Is she talking more about what kind of personality you have???

Omg! I've been trying to figure this out! I barely know my favorite color anymore.

I don't really know exactly what she wants. I do know that she doesn't want me to use the 'roles' that I play. She wants it to be all about me. Just me. Who am I? She knows this will drive me nuts and make me think until my brains hurts. Maybe that is why she gives me these kinds of assignments? She wants me to 'dig deep' and get to the root of who I am, where the pain is coming from, and why I am punishing myself for decisions I made years ago.

She is trying to get me to 'love' myself. Love me for just being me. That could be her reasoning, but who knows!

I think I like your T.....

Thank God I still know my favorite color. I actually have several. I prefer jewel tones: red, blue, green. If I had to pick one, it would definitely be red. I also like Fuschia!! (Hot Pink).

Well, that took us off topic didn't it? Okay, back to the question. Who are we??

Well , if I may... The assignment seems to be , Squiggle is______. Not who you want to be, bur who you are now. You can look at it from the tangibles - hair color, eye color etc..., roles - teacher, mother etc.., health or stats- age, weight, diabetic etc.. Or you could go with emotion... Kind, nice, mean, caring..., lost, unable to answer his question because I am still searching for the answer. .... A survivor !, emotionally suppressed due to years of amalgamation Of who I once was into who I am to others and somehow I lost me.

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I had an epiphany the other day and realized that I have spent so much of my life trying to be who I think others want me to be that I have absolutely no idea who I actually am. That made me very, very sad, and I desperately want to figure out who I really am.

This is me, too. I've spent so much of my life adapting, trying to live up to expectations... The 'as if' personality, the 'false self'... Currently trying to establish who the 'real' me really is. My head's caving in with it!

Me either! I've found myself in a position now that I'm questioning EVERYTHING - my taste in music, my style, my interests, likes and dislikes, my values, what I want to do, what I really want out of life and what I'm aiming to achieve, where I want to live.. maybe even sexuality. I feel like I can't be sure of anything. I'm 27 years old and I don't think I have any real sense of identity or who I am anymore - or if I ever had a clear idea. Furthermore, I don't know what's really me, and what can be attributed to depression, anxiety, or a possible personality disorder... Makes it hard to even answer questions like: am I a patient person? Am I strong? Am I calm? My qualities or lack thereof depend on whether you mean a couple years ago or now - or just upon the day...

And what is it that really defines us, anyway? Our choices? Our preferences? Our actions? Our possessions? Appearance? Our past, our present, our future? Our roles in our family or peer group?

Good luck with this assignment, Squiggle, I think it's a tough one!

Squiggle is a THREADSTARTER.

Oops! Is that a good or bad thing?

Don't judge at this point. We're brainstorming.

I wanna know what you come up with and what your T says..! I can't wait

Squiggle is someone that sacrifices for people she loves.

She is altrustic.

Squiggle is fun

What an interesting assignment. Years ago in a college class we did this as a class. Several people volunteered and were sent out of the room, then brought in one at a time and the only question they were asked was "Who are you?", over and over for a set period of time, a few minutes. I remember it was interesting what answers they came up with, and they did squirm a bit too.

There is a lot there in each of the roles we have: wife, mother, teacher, daughter, aunt, niece, neighbor, friend, citizen.

We have a perceived self, an ideal self, a self others see, a real self that maybe sometimes we don't see/don't show or even don't know ......
The ? 'Who am I' is a great one to consider, if you're really willing to explore and examine yourself and your perceptions about yourself and the masks you might wear (and why you wear them) very honestly, deeply....
Squiggle is a mother, caregiver, teacher, etc - are those who you are or are those roles that are a part of your life and a part of your identity, but not the sum or even the most important part of who you are? Who would you be, if the knowledge of having those roles was taken from you ..... say you lost your memory ..... who are you underneath, without, or besides those roles?
Of course, I say, I am a mother.....that role in great part defines me, my identity, my life......but that role doesn't define my personality or my character, does it? (rather, I think my personality/character might define how I perform that role, perhaps....)
So, isn't who we really are at the core of us more about our personality, our character, our hearts than it is just about our roles in society or in our family?
And I have learned to ask myself, am I really being who I really am right now ..... or am I putting on a mask that looks more presentable or matches more who I think I ought to be?
T2 said to me once about my conservative, conventional appearance - that's how you think you ought to appear to match what you think others think you should be and to save yourself from facing judgment of your real self. But, she said, you are NOT conservative, you're just inhibited! So, I present myself in a conservative manner, but that is not who I really am .... that's not my authentic self. However, I always really did think I was conservative ..... lo and behold, how interesting to discover AND to accept that my conservatism is more a product of the environment/expectations I grew up in, and that I have presented the more conservative parts of me in an effort to conform to that. So I said, it's just a mask then and not really me? But she said, it is still a part of you ..... but instead of being the main player in my identity, who I am, it is actually a more minor player.
So, I've been getting to know my own self, who I am ..... wearing the conservative mask less, allowing the authentic expression of who I really am to emerge .... I am unconventional and that is OK! And so what if that doesn't match others expectations (like in my conservative church) of who I should be/be striving to be. I can be spiritual at the same time as being unconventional and liberal and not truly having rigid convictions, but a more flexible tolerance.
So anyway, who are you underneath the masks you might wear, underneath your appearance, underneath even the perceptions you have of yourself, underneath inhibitions you might have or efforts to conform to others (or your own) expectations?

Sorry this is long - but as you know, brevity in writing is not who I really am (even if I actually do try to practice brevity of speech and am more successful at that)

just curious, how have you done on this assignment, squiggle?

Obviously you're royalty, with exquisite taste?

I had a fantasy/day dream scenario where I went at it a bit differently, maybe it will help you?

Pretend you have a friend who is magically asleep (think of an actual friend or loved one you have/have had) and you have to wake them. Further, you do not "know" this person, your memory has been messed with and you only know you and they are friends.

Explore why you are friends and figure out what your friend, who can't tell you, likes about you and you about them such that you know how to wake them.

You know about yourself (good sense of humor, say) and can extrapolate that that might be one of the reasons the other likes you so, they either have a good sense of humor too, or need cheering up, etc. If you enjoy/need cheering up, the other person might have a sense of humor; take all your inner intelligence, humor, creativity, imagination, appreciation of jewel colors, etc. and create a picture of yourself that is attractive to someone else! Music, art, abilities as interior decorator, neat, clean, etc. go in there too.

my question too. Squiggle is committed to doing a good job on it....

What happened?