[elliemay]

I mean just get sick and tired of wallowing around in all the emotional crap and just start living your life right now, as it actually is.

I mean how hard would it actually be to say "enough! I'm going to choose for myself what I want my life to be like, and this ain't it."

Just letting go of the worry, the doubt, the pain and opening yourself up to anything and everything.

Realizing that you are one tough mother ****er and can take it!

Yes. I find myself more and more in that mode as I move further along in my healing. I used to just try to convince myself of this out of disgust and frustration, but now I can actually psych myself up and actually find the ability to do it much of the time. I call that progress.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Yes. I find myself more and more in that mode as I move further along in my healing. I used to just try to convince myself of this out of disgust and frustration, but now I can actually psych myself up and actually find the ability to do it much of the time. I call that progress.

Me too. Sooner or later it has to end. Life is too short.

Originally Posted by elliemay

Me too. Sooner or later it has to end. Life is too short.

Absolutely.

Fir me thinking I'm a tough mother ****er and can take it" is part of my problem...it blocks me from other people, it blocks me of from who I am. Inside it feels tough, all. Traingles and sqs bashing into each other and what I want is smooth edges. Jugging "toughness" is to hard, I want to juggle with round/smooth edges. I want to admit my "weaknesses" I want freedom instead of using toughness as a prison. Of course I can take "it" but does that mean I can't talk about "it" and want support of others to help me cope with "it". This is what I conclude would be a successful life.

[Nelliecat]

Yes, just had a two week break from T, had a week's holiday and during this time gave myself a good talking to. 'Just get on with what you've got, you can manage without T, it will be good, summer's coming, feeling good, get out there and live'.............. then the night before T this week something triggered me big time and I realised I was just stuffing down things that really do need airing and I need professional help to bring them out and deal with them. One day though...........

[unaluna]

I see it as letting go of the couch(!) and being brave enough to take a few wobbly steps on my own, knowing that T is close by, cheering me on, and waiting to dry my tears when / if I fall, and help me up to try again. But yeah, after challenging stopdog yesterday, the only fair thing to do is to take the challenge myself, I told T yesterday. Sounds like a new thread for me.

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

let's get up and do some damage.

Yeah!

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I mean just get sick and tired of wallowing around in all the emotional crap and just start living your life right now, as it actually is.

I mean how hard would it actually be to say "enough! I'm going to choose for myself what I want my life to be like, and this ain't it."

Just letting go of the worry, the doubt, the pain and opening yourself up to anything and everything.

Realizing that you are one tough mother ****er and can take it!

I have been feeling this more and more...kind of like awakening from a long sleep.. let's get up and do some damage. Live.

[sconnie892]

I have those days, but like earthmamma have to strike a balance between sucking it up/being tough and allowing myself to be vulnerable. Sucking it up for too long is what got me into therapy in the first place. I learned to do that at a previous job where any sign of anger or sadness was viewed as weakness and eventually got you fired. It allowed me to hide from what I was really feeling - about work and about life outside of work.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by sconnie892

I have those days, but like earthmamma have to strike a balance between sucking it up/being tough and allowing myself to be vulnerable. Sucking it up for too long is what got me into therapy in the first place. I learned to do that at a previous job where any sign of anger or sadness was viewed as weakness and eventually got you fired. It allowed me to hide from what I was really feeling - about work and about life outside of work.

You see to me, the essence of toughness IS being vulnerable. Opening yourself up and allowing everything.

I do not see the two as diametrically opposed at all, but absolutely one in the same.

THAT is freedom. That power to make the choice.

No courage is the essence of bring vulnerable. Toughness is fear disguised.

[pbutton]

Yes. Toughness for me is acknowledging the things that are painful and challenging for me right now ... and choosing to live my life and not hide away.

Prior to therapy I was hiding away the painful things & also hiding myself away.

Now I identify the pain and remind myself that I am strong & there are things that I want to accomplish. I can be healing and living at the same time. I don't need to wallow and hide.

[SpiritRunner]

yes, I do! more and more these days. I have had a few tough days recently,where some of my emotional crap/old patterns came up, but I said to myself, hey, woman, use your new, better coping tools, use what you've learned, have compassion on yourself/your mistakes, etc, and deal with this in a healthy way - because you CAN and you need to!
I don't expect all pain/negativity/struggle to be eliminated anymore, and I recognize that for me it won't be (the whole depressive tendencies, my personality, thinking style, etc) because I know that expectation makes no sense, but I do expect myself to deal with it in healthy ways, because I understand now that I am able and capable of doing that without being overwhelmed by it/obsessing on it.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

No courage is the essence of bring vulnerable. Toughness is fear disguised.

To me, courage is the willingness to be vulnerable. Toughness is the ability to withstand things when they go horribly wrong as they inevitably will.

One can have courage to do something, sure, but the real freedom is the ability to cope with the consequences - good or bad - of doing so.

The world sucks, it takes a lot of courage to live in it. It takes toughness to thrive.

I choose to thrive.

[struggling2]

are u guys referring to quitting therapy and just dealing with and accepting how things are???

Quite often.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by struggling2

are u guys referring to quitting therapy and just dealing with and accepting how things are???

No, not in my case. I'm talking more about getting myself to snap out of being stuck in my head. Less wallowing in how hard everything is, and more action to work on making my life what I want it to be.

Originally Posted by earthmamma

No courage is the essence of bring vulnerable. Toughness is fear disguised.

Well, I think toughness can mean different things to different people (like all descriptive words really). Toughness to me is about durability. The ability to use my inner strength to last through the trials and tribulations of life. That isn't about fear. That's about self-confidence for me. About handling problems with perspective proportional to events using all those skills I've been learning and internalizing over the years. Toughness is me owning my abilities to get out there and live life without crumbling each time I encounter a problem. I have the skills; I've known the skills a long time, but now I am much more resolved to actually implementing them than I used to be. Resilience maybe. That might even be a better word to match my thinking.

I think this thread has steered away from the op ideas.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by struggling2

are u guys referring to quitting therapy and just dealing with and accepting how things are???

Not necessarily about quitting therapy, but rather establishing some perspective about it maybe?

I think I'm more talking about what pbutton said very very well "living and healing at the same time".

I think it might be about tapping into that inner confidence in all of us - that inner healer that therapy can very very effectively bring out.

As we embrace that part of ourselves I think we embrace the world.

Shrugging off the crap and being free to live.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

I think this thread has steered away from the op ideas.

I'm good. These things have a rowdy life of their own! Steer away!

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

I have been feeling this more and more...kind of like awakening from a long sleep.. let's get up and do some damage. Live.

Yes let's! Be the kind of woman that when you wake the devil says "oh crap, she's up!"

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by elliemay

Shrugging off the crap and being free to live.

I keep thinking about this quote. This is what I try to do.

I can be in therapy and still do and think about other things. I'm striving for more balance.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I keep thinking about this quote. This is what I try to do.

I can be in therapy and still do and think about other things. I'm striving for more balance.

Yeah, the balance. At first I think therapy can be very very big. This may be appropriate, I don't know. I know when I first started, I thought about it, myself, my therapist, my past etc... to the point of distraction.

At some point though, I think I just had to shrug it off and, for heaven's sake, LIVE.

There is more to me than what is going on and on in my head type thing.

i have just been given a different dx that threw me for a loop as far as accepting it, dealing with it, etc

in reference to what you said "dude, just suck it up", This the first time i have taken that healing attitude with me. i told t i want tools to deal with this. my usual behaviour would be to ignore it for a year and then talk about it.

but now im like, what you said "dude, suck it up" telling myself okay, what is the next step, get out there and move!!!!

to me that is progress and healing and taking control!!!

so, yea! definitely!!!!! thanks for this post!