light at the end of the tunnel?

Hey PC Friends

I'm starting to think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally. This has been the craziest 4 months...so painful and hard.

I saw T today and FELL APART. He told me something that confirmed a lot of what I've been afraid of for the past 4 months (I have to be vague, I'm sorry) and I just crashed. I was sobbing, trying not to throw up, gasping for air, turned around with my face in the back of the couch. I couldn't breathe. It. was. awful.

T asked if he could come and sit with me. He checked his appt book and didn't have anyone after me, so he kept me there until it was safe for me to leave. We connected. We touched fingers, and then held hands. He helped me breathe.

It was strange because in the same moment that my big fear was confirmed, we turned a corner. There has been a huge gap between me and T that he hasn't been willing to cross...once he told me what he told me and we cleared something up, everything was all of a sudden okay with T. The gap was gone, and there he was, helping me.

I'll probably spend the rest of the year, literally, processing what's happened in these four months....but I think finally, FINALLY there's real hope.

I talk to T on Friday on the phone.

I really hope everything is getting better and I can find my words and come back to PC

lots of safe hugs to you, nightsky. i had a similar moment in my session today, a smaller moment, but similar.

i've been thinkin' about ya.

wow!! you are brave

Nightsky, I am sorry today was so painful but it sounds like your T and you made some real progress.

It does sound really hopeful.

(((((((Nightsky)))))))

Nightsky, so glad to hear you can see the light! I hope things truly are getting better and you will soon be out the other side.

I'm glad for you, nightsky.

That's so interesting how the fear of it can be worse than the reality itself.

Maybe because the fear kept his help and support away, but once it was confirmed you could accept it and deal with the reality?

I'm also glad you can see the light. It is always there, but very scary when you are in a place where you can't see it.

Oh my dear i am so glad to see this post. I can breathe again!!

nightsky that is very good. Sorry you had to go thru so much pain to get there though!

Sorry you have had such a tough time. I'm glad to see you back. It doesn't matter if it takes the rest of the year to process this. You are on the same page as T is now and he will guide you through it. That light is so important to keep in focus. It is so painful when we can't.(((hugs)))

i'm so happy to hear from you again and even more happy to see that maybe there is a light that you are seeing.it is such hard work.and painful.i hope you and your T are well on your way to mending things

I'm so glad that you are able to continue to work through all of this and you have hope!

I'm so glad that things seem to be turning around! Hugs!

How are you feeling today nightsky?

I've missed you and thought of you so much, with love. I'm glad to see this post too. So sorry for how hard everything has been.
Maybe it's sort of like somebody said to me (and I had thought too) that everything had to break down so it could be rebuilt better and stronger and richer and more beautiful than it could have ever been otherwise, a brand new building and all, as it were. Certainly, my hope is it will be this way for you, for your therapy, for the relationship between you and your T - that something new and more beautiful can be rebuilt from this whole experience ..... blessing rising from the ashes of the pain, I guess.
Once the truth is out, there is no longer the painful wondering if is there or not; once it is there, it can be dealt with.