[InTherapy]

I need to decompress.

I hope that's okay.

On Saturday I went out to lunch with my best friend's mom. We'll call her Momma S. Momma S said she knew from my Facebook status' that I was not doing well and kept asking me what was wrong. I eventually broke down and started crying. I sort of ended up telling her EVERYTHING. How I'd started cutting again, (she knew about it in high school), how I'd been seeing a T but everything was worse right now, how I was struggling to stay focused in school, how my house was a disaster, how I was really depressed, etc etc. We talked in the park for a while and she invited me to come back to her house to study. But I just ended up crying, and she held me, and that made me cry 10x harder. She came over on Sunday and helped me clean for 6 hours. My house is livable now.

So you can see, it was an exceedingly stressful weekend. On monday, T hit me with the ultimatum. I spent an hour after my session in a spare office crying my eyes out. He came and checked on me twice. Once after 20 minutes and once after 55. I left at about 60. I was still teary eyed- but I felt okay to drive.

At the same time as all of this is going on, I'd been talking to Momma S and my OTHER best friend's mom, Momma B. They're my support system right now. I feel okay talking to them, because I've known them for years and I don't feel like I'm overloading them. They're older. They're mommas. Momma S is the action momma. She found me a T that's willing to see me 2x a week for free. She has 25 yrs experience in dealing with sexual abuse survivors. Momma B is the comfort momma. She just makes me feel accepted, no matter what.

Well, on Wednesday I got a facebook message from my aunt and an accusatory phone interrogation from my biological mother (*****). Apparently, Momma S called my aunt and told her a lot of what was going on. She also tried to get in contact with Momma B. My aunt talked to my sister J, who talked to my sister A, who called mom.

Do you see where this is going?

Everyone I know called me/emailed me/facebooked me, panicking, accusatory, no one would give me a straight answer as to who told them what.

I am supposed to go talk to new T tomorrow, and I'm worried first T, who just hit me with the ultimatum, is going to dump me and tell me to go to new T. Everyone is talking about me behind my back, I just want more people to be on my side. Momma B is on my side, so that's good. I jut wish more people were. I want first T to be on my side. I am not contacting him because of ultimatum. Everything is so hard right now.

I know I'm missing parts of the story but there's just so much going on, I'm so overwhelmed, I want my mother to not be a *****, I want T to be on my side, I want everyone to leave me alone, and I want it all to stop hurting. And I want to be able to focus and study.

I want someone to help me and I think first T has really dropped the ball, especially because before our session on Monday I had spoken with him on Wednesday, crying, telling him that seeing him 1x a week was not enough and that I needed more support and could we talk about "less heavy" things for a few weeks. And he sprung this ultimatum on me. THAT is your response to "This is too much right now and I need more support!"??

And, my BF's friend just moved in yesterday for 3 months.

It's all too much. God, just please let me get through this semester without ****ing everything up.

[stopdog]

Wow, that sounds like a lot. Sorry you are going through so much with all those people. And ultimatums are rarely useful.

[PiperLeigh]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. This sounds like a lot to handle at once. Be gentle with yourself. {{hugs}}

[mixedup_emotions]

That is an incredible amount to have on your shoulders right now.....overwhelming, to say the least. I hope you can find some time to take some deep breaths and maybe do something to help relax you and get your mind off of things....(( HUGS ))

[granite1]

that is a lot.can i ask why are you meeting with a new T if the old one hasnt teerminated with you ?maybe im missing something i read your ultimatum post and although it seems harsh i dont think he has said he isnt seeing you anymore

[InTherapy]

Originally Posted by granite1

Can i ask why are you meeting with a new T if the old one hasn't terminated with you?

Action Momma, Momma S, contacted a T who is willing to meet with me 2x a week for free. I've told First T that 1x a week isn't enough for me right now. New T says that I don't have to stop seeing first T. So, I'm going to "check it out". No commitments, yet.

[mortimer]

I would say screw your old T and his stupid ultimatums.

At least with a new T, you'll know right off the bat if she's going to try to ultimatum you. Cos you can ask her and make sure she won't do those things. And she'll know how you feel about those things. So unless she is a stupid head she probably wouldn't go that route. You can set up boundaries ahead of time.

I think both momma J is on your side, she just did something that ended up hurting you. Your mom sounds like a douche nugget. If I was you I'd probably key her car.

OK I'm joking on that part. I probably would do that. But I don't think you should do that. I'd definitely ignore her for a solid decade. It sounds like she deserves it.

You could just do like I do and ignore facebook for a month. I haven't logged on in a month and a half now and I feel a lot better about things. Of course I'm too scared to log back on now so I'll probably abandon it, but being truthful it's a large large source of annoyance anyway.

I really hope things start feeling better soon. : (

[ally10]

hello

First: I hope things go better than you think and also that how you feel at the moment...
and forgive my mistakes please, english is not my first language...
Well... the point is, from what I´ve read ,i´t seems you really know what you need in a profoundly way,I mean, and that´s good, but you are overwhelmed because you need more signals that tell you that what you think it´s rigth, in other words, and how you said it yourself you need support buuuut... Support it´s not only in people it is also in activities, in everyday things etc.
I´m not saying that you don´t need the people closest tou you, i´m just saying that maybe you could try to assist to I don´t know may be dance lessons or music lessons or something that like or why not love,because that it is very theraupetic and could help you to clear yourself,gain trust and the most important thing feel good .Perhaps firts you will feel strange or insecure for trying something new, but you will see that if you accude with a trusted teacher little by little you will be better...and not necessary has to be the activities that i propose of course but sometimes that makes you feel good.
Sometimes go to the theather or just a park or place that you like to stay for a moment .Otherwise I understand that you could feel worry about what people say, but you need to no tot forget that your menthal and emotional health it´s always first, so, let people talk, just do what you know inside, cuz for your words it´s seems that you think correctly it´s just that you need to feel better for being able to do things correctly,for your own wellness .It´s not easy I do know that, it could sounds that i say evrything so easy but the reason o that i´ts that you sound like me like three years ago in high schoo.l´ve been through a difficult situation, or maybe a mix of difficult situations, and over the last 4 years I have learned to know myself better,but above all to know what to do to stay better... i don´t know all your personal situation so may be you need other things first or something more professional but what I could tell you is that you could read something about dance therapy , music therapy or other alternative therapies and consider it together with your medical or phsycological treatment...and don´t forget evethough parents could want the best for you they could not know it ,but don´t worry for all what they said.Even if that´hurts, do what you know it´s better for you, soon or later they´ll understand , keep yor wings wide open , and be patient real growth hurts, but worth it, you are healing and also maturing it´s just a process no matter the difficulties inside... I hope something of all what i´ve said, will be useful and that I have given to urdenstand, sorry for my english :grouphug again ... :P

[CantExplain]

I'm sorry Momma S didn't respect your confidentiality.

[Kacey2]

Hey Intherapy,
It sure does sound like you have a lot going on and understandably are overloaded. It also sounds like a lot of people are worried about you. I am not following what the ultimatum was by t #1.? I understand your situation. I too have had my t plan disrupted recently. My current t reduced me to 1X weekly because I guess I was too dependent. I am looking for a consult t.

Anyway I hope that you can find the amount of support you need. I would encourage you to check out other t without ending it with t #1 if possible until you truly know what is going to work the best. It sounds like you feel the world is caving in on you. That is a terrible spot to be. Please take one day at a time, maybe even 1 hour. The other thing I thought about it that, yes, it is nice to have older confidants but the great thing about a t is that they are held to confidentiality and can not tell friends and relatives things. Hang in there it sounds like help is coming in one way or another. Hugs KC