Welcome to the Couch! People of PC Psychotherapy (Part 2)

May I please forward my calls to you? No one ever calls me, except for Fabio and Jackie Kennedy (according to their pictures) and the occasional family member, about once every 3 months. Not answering will be fine.

Ouch! That's some curb you hopped! How fast were you going? (This website is secure, right?)

Hmmm...
When an oilwoman needs time out, she grabs her chaps and takes the next flight to Prudhoe Bay.

The only reason I got out of bed this morning is because the puppy kept barking at me, bouncing on top of me and grabbing my arm with her mouth. Apparently, puppy play time waits for no one! I tried to explain about bad days and depression sucking me into the bed vortex, but she was having none of it. And then I remembered my stealing, lying brother in law was going to show up to get my dad's tractor out of our garage to brush hog before Memorial Day and I needed to get out of the house before he came, so here I am at work. Plunked down on the couch and not doing any work.

Before I sent them off to the equivalent of dog grandmother's house, I would get up and realize all of the dog toys were piled on me, the bed and the floor where my poor younger dog had brought them to tempt me to play with him.

I didn't get up until 10:15 this morning. Bleh. Working at home again. Then off to the GP this afternoon for a physical. Woo. Can't you just hear the excitement in my voice?

Plus T has not emailed me back. If I haven't heard back from her by 2pm (she usually takes her lunch hour at noon or 1pm and responds to emails then), it's a lost cause. I've already given up on her.

These are the times I doubt that she really cares. That either she's a good actress in person or that she has the capacity to care in session, but not outside. It embarrasses and hurts me. I reach out and get nothing. So why would I reach out at all?

Chopin -I don't know if this will help or hurt (I am trying to be helpful not hurtful) - but here is a thought -
I have about 40 students each semester. I care about them and want them to get from me what they need to master my subject to the best of their ability. When they are in my office - for that period of time - they are receiving all of my attention and focus and I do care about them. But when one leaves, another student comes in - and gets (I hope and try to make sure) that same attention etc. The next day, a student will come to see me and expect me to remember their specific challenge, sometimes in the hall or in other passing - I usually don't recall. First, although each one is unique and special etc, their issues fall into certain categories - just like therapy clients. And when they email me, I sometimes just don't remember, or lose the email, or I need time to get back, or I haven't had time to check and so forth. Not because I don't care about them, but because of the rest of my life, other students, etc. I often cannot remember students who graduated three or four years ago - not even the ones who annoyed me the most or who I really enjoyed.
So my point is - if possible - try not to conclude a lack of caring altogether - but a caring put into another perspective. I am one of many clients so the therapist is more unique to me than I am to her.
I am sorry she did not get back to you.

Oh well...no reply. I've got to get ready for my physical. Meh. Sometimes I just want to give up.

Dropped the f-bomb in session today. Didn't phase me at all this time.
Please don't mind me as a hide in the corner eating ice cream and other assorted junk foods I can find in my house. Bad day at work. Bad session (for the most part.)

I'll be over in the corner today still renumbering these damn policy manuals for work. My mood has improved considerably, but then I managed to konk myself in the head this morning with the lid to my trunk as I was putting something in it. Ouch. I have a small goose egg on my head.

I realize T probably didn't answer any of my emails because doing so would enable me and likely send me farther down the spiral. I'm at the point I need to figure out things for myself without her help on a day-to-day basis and talk about what I figured when I actually see her. I'm just glad I didn't get to crisis mode. That's progress.

I just know I need to figure out how to access my feelings. I'm going to have to do this before I can process anything else.

Back to numbering.

I'm sitting here stewing about something we talked about it t yesterday, which means I'm not working on my thesis. I called T to talk about it and am now waiting for him to call back. And now I feel stupid.

And when he calls back (which he will soon, because he always does), I'm going to tell him never mind and feel even stupider.

I feel needy and pathetic today.

Chopin - when you figure out how to access feelings, let me know. I am in the same boat right now I think. T says I am stuck, but she thinks she's been pushing too much. I am not sure either of us knows what to do at this point.

I left another message for T asking him to ignore the first message, because we can talk about it at my next session on Thursday. I feel like an idiot.

Finally finishing up lunch (masaman curry) and contemplating doing some work, but sitting on the couch seems so much more inviting.

Heh...sure will; don't have much faith right now. Maybe if T does push...I don't know.

Still in the corner numbering policy manuals. I'm almost through with manual #2 and manual #3 looks pretty easy, so hopefully I can finish them today so I can do my self-assessments for CAP endorsement.

I know...most of that is Greek. Sorry.

It's probably simpler than that, e.g. a flat tyre.

hi everyone i only have a veryu short time .im at starbucks in FL helping the mother and all she is fine.i'm crazy but will be leaving for home next week sometime .i hate it here

life truely is miserable

Thinks...

Do you have to do your numbering in a corner?
Move into the centre of the room. Take back your space!

just wanted to let you all know i am thinking of you all and hope things will soon be better for you all.i havnt been able to read up on all but it sounds like a lot of you are in a bad place right now and i am sorry i guess ill step out because i cant read it all now and dont want to say anything bad and make people more angry with me.i love you all

My t apologized for pushing too much. I didn't really think she was pushing too much....I know 95% of the problem is me being unable to verbalize the discombobulation that's going on inside my head.

Hope you're numbering is going well...

Occam's razor...

If I'm not in a corner, I can't concentrate on policy # 19.7.11.3.26.15

Gah...the most boring project I've done in my new job so far!

granite, you sly angel dog! take care of yourself! y'all come back now, y'hear!

Just wanted to drop in very quickly and say hi. I'm alot less triggered by everything when I don't read any of the threads right now. The couch is safe enough though. I hope all of you that are having a hard time find some peace soon.

Thank you to all of you for the well wishes with my situation. Nothing changed and I'm searching with all my energy for a second job that fits into my work schedule and it's been very hard.

Take care friends.

TTGB - I hope you find a job that fits.