[minneymouse]

My T texted me tonight to say that she was attacked yesterday in daylight outside her house. Her face is badly bruised and she seemed really shaken.

She has cancelled work for a week but kept saying she was fine to text me. When I urged her for about the third time to take as much time away as she needed, she said maybe she would

I'm so sad for my lovely lovely T who tries every day to help people who everyone else has given up on.

I have always been hypervigilant about her safety. I freak out when I know she's going on her H's motorbike and I begged her to stop seeing a client who assaulted a member of his family. And then this, when no danger could have been foreseen. Everything feels upside down and shaken. My T is the grown up, the parent, the superhero, and now she is scared and broken. My T is the one who makes me feel that the world is safe, and now the world has shown her that it is unsafe. I do not know what to do or think or hold onto, and I am finding it hard to separate myself from her- to stop imagining what she is thinking and feeling and experiencing in each moment.

[Fixated]

Wow. I am so sorry for you and your T.

I just want to gently say (in hopes that it might ease your mind) that you don't need to take care of your T by offering to forgo sessions or anything. T's usually have good support systems set up outside of the office for just these reasons. Let her take the lead on that.

I do hope your T (and you) is okay and can heal from this. Wishing for all the best.

[likelife]

I'm so sorry. This sounds incredibly difficult. When the "big people" don't seem able to cope, it can be so scary. It sounds almost like you're experiencing some vicarious trauma, which speaks to the importance of your relationship with your T.

I hope that she experiences a quick recovery, and that you're able to talk with her about your concerns when she returns. Hugs to you!

I'm so sorry this happened to your T and to you. My T was attacked in a hospital setting a year ago. He was back to work in a week but still badly bruised. When I looked in to his face,I cried. I sobbed, actually.
I always felt he could take care of himself, then this happened.
T's really do have a good support system as I found out.
I understand how hard it is to seperate yourself from your T's feelings. It won't be of any help to her if you are overly upset. (Said the person who freaked out looking at her T! )
She'll be all right. I hope you will also.

[CantExplain]

((MinnyMouse))

Ouch! I don't even want to think about such things...

[linda24]

I am sorry that such an awful thing happened to your T! It urges me to check if my T is ok Something happening to T is one of things I dread the most and like CantExplain it is hard even to imagine it.
These kind of things don't happen that often and soon she will be back. She knows how to take care of herself (I hope). It will be ok.

[KUREHA]

Sorry that happened

I always worry about my psychologist - she's always been ok, but I don't want her to get hurt because of me.

I would hate for something like that to happen to her though.

[Dreamy01]

Oh I'm so very sorry to hear this I would feel exactly the same as you. It is a horrifying thought.

Part of me wishes your T hadn't told you exactly what happened. Maybe this is just me but it might've been less of a blow if details such as it being outside her house weren't mentioned. I appreciate every t relationship is different though and some ts believe in being totally honest with their clients but I know if it were me I'd rather my T didn't tell me everything.

I hope you can take care of yourself through this. It is an awful thing to happen and I understand the world feels unsafe now, but these sort of attacks are still relatively rare in many parts of the world. There are a lot of good people out there. This is very unfortunate. Also remember that T can take care of herself and draw upon her support networks at this time. You don't need to look after her.

[WePow]

I am so sorry! That really does stink. I H A T E people who harm others!!!!

[minneymouse]

Thank you so much for all your kindness. I had to delete from here but came back last night because losing all my support at once was just too much to handle. I'm so glad I came back.

Someone tried to take T away, and this feels worse than T choosing to leave me. In the latter scenario, T is all powerful, but the way things are now, T is just another victim. Or perhaps this is about the illusion of my own power. I thought that if I held my breath when her aeroplane was in the air, if I nagged her enough about the bike, if I worried enough about her getting cancer, if I foresaw every potential danger, that I could keep her safe.

I am just about holding onto sanity. I spent the night looking at hundreds of mugshots of 'wanted' criminals online, trying to find him. This is clearly utterly stupid, as I have never seen him and indeed don't even know if it was a man. I am supposed to be working now, but I'm having to fight the urge to look up every estate agent in the city to find T a safe new house.

I haven't heard from T today, so I guess she has decided to take a week off from phone contact too, which I was sort of pushing her to do (and of course regret now). It is heartbreakingly sad to realise that the best way I can help someone I love so much is to stay away from her; that I am 'work' and what she needs a break from.

It is kind of magical thinking to think you have the power to keep your T safe. That isn't in your power, nor is it at all your responsibility. You say things like you "urged her to take as much time away as she needed" and "I was sort of pushing her to do" which appears like you are trying to care-take your therapist. That is not your role or your responsibility. T's have strong self-care skills and generally have strong support systems, and their patients need to stay their patients.

Try to step back and let her handle her personal life personally. As much as I know you care and worry about her, she will be able to find ways to work through what has happened on her own.

[WePow]

You are so kind. I am CERTAIN your T appriciates you being there for her. Even when T can't respond to the client, they hear us when we are on their side. It is OK to feel the concern for her. But Chris is right, T does have the skills to take care of herself.
Life is just life. There are bad people in the world. I am so sorry you are hurting.

[minneymouse]

Thank you. Yes it is of course magical thinking etc- I know. I'm just trying to process how I feel- I'm certainly not saying it's right! I am not kind at all, WePow. The truth is I need my T to be ok because I need her. It's all about me, as it always is.

T texted to say that she's decided not to be in contact till next Monday. Five days to go. I miss her terribly, as we are usually in contact several times each day (I was 'Improving') and it's already been four days. It's not helping that I was experiencing terribly low mood and fighting suicide before this happened and was trying to hold on till she came back. I feel I've done this to myself, as last night she was saying she was happy to text and I was the one telling her not to. How stupid. It is awful when something is offered and then taken away.

I understand about stepping back, but it feels very hard when I am so much a part of her life when everything is going ok. It feels truly awful to be banished when things are going badly- not to be allowed to be near her, not to get any feedback about whether she is ok, not to be able to tell her I love her and I'm thinking of her. I don't even need her to text me- just not to officially be 'gone'- not to allow the person who did this to take her away from me. It also feels horrible not to be 'trusted' to manage erratic contact, or not to burden her with my problems. Part of the reason my partner left me because she didn't believe that I could step up and support her when she needed it. And I feel that this chance to practise and to show I can do it is being taken away from me because T, like my ex, doesn't trust me.

I am sooo sorry about all this. I would be devastated if that happened to my T. I hope she recovers quickly.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by minneymouse

I understand about stepping back, but it feels very hard when I am so much a part of her life when everything is going ok. It feels truly awful to be banished when things are going badly- ... T, like my ex, doesn't trust me.

Are you sure that these are the things that are going on? T might have other reasons, other things she has to do now. It does not necessarily mean T doesn't trust you... You will get a chance to find out when you see her again.