Chaos

Nothing but chaos going on in my mind. Uncertainty about my life and if I will just become another bipolar statistic. I've been having major panic attacks and anxiety the last three days. My heart is pounding too fast, my thoughts are racing and it feels like I'm jumping out of my skin. I cannot for the life of me figure out what is causing all this anxiety. I can't function too well. I can't keep going like this.

T emailed me tonight and says he's worried. He says we need to consider the hospital if it's this bad because he wants to keep me safe. I'm not ready for that, but I am comforted that he cares and recognizes how bad the issues is atm.

If you are starting to be concerned about becoming a statistic, please consider the hospital. Maybe a day program where you could still come home at night and not feel trapped.

It's great that your T is so concerned and that you can feel this. I agree w/ MKAC. I got to this point last year and during a session my T called the day hospital and together, on speaker phone, we asked about the procedure, intake, daily schedule, etc. It made the place seem less scary. We then had an agreement that if things got any worse that I'd go in. I felt OK about this because I was worried enough about myself and knew that deep down I did want to live. I actually started getting better so I didn't need to go into the hospital after all. But, I, too, was touched by how much my T was concerned about me and this helped me to realize that I might need more help than our 2 sessions/week could give me.

I know that this is hard - everything that's been going on - but you will get through it. You're fortunate to have such a caring and supportive T, a relationship that you built up.

If you have a good hospital to go to, the hospital can be a very relieving option. I have always found the safety it provides really calming actually. Just be sure you really have a decent hospital to go to. They are not all created equal.

Thanks for the replies guys. The thought of a hospital is terrifying. I've never been hospitized so I don't know what to expect. It may be something I need until my meds are adjusted but I just can't bring myself to do it. The day program sounds interesting though.

The last that I heard from you, you had a good session with your T. Does trusting him make you feel anxious?

sorry this is all we can offer right now♥

No trusting him makes me feel safe. I'm just having major issues learning to deal with being a newly Dx bipolar. My meds are all screwed up, and T feels helpless because my issues are mostly chemical and he just wants to keep me safe. He gets all my emails and he knows I want him to fix it and he feels bad when he can't.

A day program is always a good alt, you can go further inpatient from there if you need it, but sometimes it is enough to get you safe and supported. And sleeping in your own bed is priceless.

I won't even lie I'm terrified to ask. What's a day program like? I've never been hospitalized.

Day programs usually involve different kinds of group therapy, focused on processing and skill building. You also usually get a chance to meet regularly with a psychiatrist who can help monitor your med transition. Basically, it's a lot of structure and support, with a chance to learn some new skills too.

I understand that you're afraid of the idea - anything new can be terrifying. But it sounds like both you and your T are concerned and it might help to look at other short-term stabilizing solutions.

Hm sounds like it would be helpful. I just wish I could somehow come up with the courage to bring it up.

To your T? Writing out your fears and your hopes about it might be a place to start.

Usually it is structured at at a hospital. The ones I have been in involve group Therapy, meeting with docs/nurses, medication evaluation, etc. It's a schedule, with others...the biggest thing is that it keeps you focusing and safe while you go thru med adjustments. If things get bad during the day there is one on one for you.

Do you have people with you in the eves? A partner or friend? It won't work if you aren't sleeping and your nights are really bad. I have H and adult kids home at night, so that kept me safe.