[BlessedRhiannon]

Let me start by saying that I adore my T. She's been so helpful and so awesome, and I have a very good relationship with her. She challenges me, but is always willing to meet me where I am and work with me to find ways to meet those challenges. I think she's an amazing T.

That said...today was an unsettling session. In part of a conversation we were having, my T commented that I am one of the most anxious people she's ever met. That really upset me. We talked about my reaction to her comment, of course, but I'm still kinda reeling from it. I know I'm exceedingly anxious, but I was honestly hoping I wasn't that bad. She went on to say that she's impressed that I'm incredibly functional in spite of the anxiety. I've honestly never felt that being non-functional was a choice.

Then, we were talking about how my others perceive me as calming and relaxing and my t said that she could understand that because my anxiety is so internalized that I'm actually relaxing for other to be around. She said I project calmness, and that there's something "solid" about me and I have a strong character. I told her that I simply don't see that...I don't think I'm a strong person at all. My T said that she found it really sad that I couldn't see that in myself.

So...my T kinda shook my world up a little bit - both with the comment that I'm the one of the most anxious people she's ever met and that she sees me as a strong person. There was a lot more we talked about, and it all just left me feeling all conflicted and...I dunno...just reeling with everything we talked about.

Part of me wants to call my T or email her and just ask her to help me steady my world again. Part of me thinks I need to sit with this and let my world be all shaken up for a bit...it'll steady out eventually, right?

[ECHOES]

That sounds like a powerful and meaningful session.
It sounds like it was hard to hear her comment about your anxiety as an observation and not a judgement or criticism?

[Silent_tsol]

Your description of your anxiety sounds a lot like what my first counselor said to me. First she had trouble even seeing that I was anxious at all because I keep it soooo locked up from the outside world.
I get what you said about hoping it wasn't that bad. Just remember, your t's comment doesn't change your feeling. Your anxiety doesn't get worse because of what she said. Perhaps you can see it as a validating point, that you are worthy if t's time, not sure if you've struggled with that at all.

Do you worry that if your t hadn't met someone with as much anxiety as you that she will be unable to help you? Because that would definitely be something to bring up with t, something she could offer reassurance for.

I'm at the same point wondering if I should reach out. Try to sit with yourself for a bit, but know that she's there if you need her to find your footing

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

That sounds like a powerful and meaningful session.
It sounds like it was hard to hear her comment about your anxiety as an observation and not a judgement or criticism?

Thank you - it was both powerful and meaningful...I glad someone else understands!

Yes, I tend to view observations as judgments, so I think I did probably take her comment as a bit of a criticism. I'm working on that. However, I think it was also a bit of a relief to hear that yes, my anxiety really is that bad! Mostly, it just surprised me and made me take another look at myself, which is never fun!

[CantExplain]

Hi Rhi!

It sounds like you are a "coper".
Society seems to need copers, but it is a terrible burden to be one.

[WePow]

It is amazing what our T can see in us that we don't see. It does sound like you are a VERY strong person. It takes courage and strength to face life with such honesty.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

I get what you said about hoping it wasn't that bad. Just remember, your t's comment doesn't change your feeling. Your anxiety doesn't get worse because of what she said. Perhaps you can see it as a validating point, that you are worthy if t's time, not sure if you've struggled with that at all.

Thanks for the feedback. Actually, yes, her comment was totally validating. I do struggle with wondering if my issues are really worth going to t. Apparently, they are. She told me that my anxiety is acute and chronic. She did say that she's seen so much progress in my dealing with anxiety and hopes that my baseline anxiety levels will continue to drop, so I know her comments are not a condemnation. They still left me reeling, though.

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

Do you worry that if your t hadn't met someone with as much anxiety as you that she will be unable to help you? Because that would definitely be something to bring up with t, something she could offer reassurance for.

No, that's really not a concern. I've been seeing this T for almost 3 years now, and she's the first one that's ever been able to help me. I have seen progress in dealing with anxiety, and she's really been amazing in supporting me. Right now, our biggest stumbling block is on the issue of meds...t really thinks I'd find it beneficial and I'm very resistant to it. She's not pushing them, but has brought them up several times in the past few sessions. She's said she understands my resistance to meds, but does ask me to keep thinking about them.

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

I'm at the same point wondering if I should reach out. Try to sit with yourself for a bit, but know that she's there if you need her to find your footing

I think I'm going to be too busy the next few days to give much more thought to the session. But I may have to reach out on Monday if my thoughts on this haven't calmed down!

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Hi Rhi!

It sounds like you are a "coper".
Society seems to need copers, but it is a terrible burden to be one.

Thanks. Ha - yeah, 'coper' is a good word. When my T made the comment that I'm incredibly functional, I told her it was never an option for me to be non-functional...that just never even crossed my mind. I've always been expected to function, no matter what...so I do.

Originally Posted by WePow

It is amazing what our T can see in us that we don't see. It does sound like you are a VERY strong person. It takes courage and strength to face life with such honesty.

Yes, it is amazing...and sometimes very frightening. My t often shakes my world up with her insights.

I'm not sure I see myself as strong. I just do what I have to do, but maybe that is being strong. I appreciate your comments.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Sigh - I was super busy all day Friday, Saturday, and today and didn't have time to think about my last session and how my T's words affected me.

NOW - I'm winding down from that busy weekend, and have time to think again...and I'm back to wanting to reach out to T. I've got an email all written, but I haven't sent it yet. I don't want to bug her and I really want to deal with my feelings on my own until my next session. I think I might go to bed and see if I still feel like sending it in the morning.

[PiperLeigh]

Wow. I really relate to everything you just wrote, right down to having reasons for wanting to resist meds while trying to work through other possibilities.

This all came to a head at my T appointment yesterday. T has three PhD's and a zillion (possibly a slight exaggeration on the zillion) degrees and thirty years helping people. So when he said with a bit hesitancy that I have "extremely severe anxiety" and my issues appear to be very complex, it wasn't what I was expecting to hear at all. (He was very warm and encouraging, but I've been feeling a bit blue the rest of this weekend over-thinking what he said. I mean really, he's seen how many hundreds of patients in thirty years and my issues are giving him pause...yikes. I keep hearing "extremely severe" in my head and it just makes me sad.) I totally understand your description of your conversation leaving you reeling. I think seeing how you feel in the morning sounds like a really good idea. My husband is always reminding me to take life "Five minutes at a time." I'm living in my five minutes right now. I'll take the next five when they get here.

{{hugs}}

[skeksi]

Oh, it's hard to hear our difficulties (and strengths) laid bare. When T first told me my problem was "severe" I panicked in a big way! It scared me, because I don't know any other way to be. It also kind of made me thik, "what must life be like for other people who don't have this?" which saddened me.

Do you think that dealing with this anxiety has made you strong? That strength can certainly help you as you try to break the hold of anxiety on your life. You can be both things--very anxious and also very brave...you are doing okay!