[Abby]

I am so exhausted and depressed. I had a disconnection from my therapist 2 weeks ago and it has been really, really difficult dealing with the anger, pain and fear that was the consequence of that. I feel more in control of my feelings than I did last week but I also feel a lot more depressed.

I am aware enough to know that in the bad times I generally learn more about myself than during the good times....so I can see a positive...and I am proud of myself for going back to therapy and attempting to talk openly at a time when I felt very vulnerable......but I don't think the depression is in my mind and can be helped by these positive thoughts - I think it is in my body. My body is really crying.

My therapist said that my overwhelming emotions have 'come together', as a way of me disconnecting from them in order to cope and that the depression is the inverse of the rage. I know she is right but it is also hard feeling this way. It is hard to feel so sad and not know what I can do to help myself feel better...if there is anything.

I'm not entirely sure why I am telling you guys all of this. I hope to keep putting one foot in front of the other till my depressed feelings lift. I know they will, no matter how awful it feels right now, because I've been here before...I wish I could fast forward time though. Thank you for reading.

I can understand that exhaustion. You should be very proud of all you've accomplished but, yes, sometimes the body does cry even when we cannot.
We'll be thinking of you.

we can completely and totally relate. it sounds almost exactly like one of the emails we sent our counselor today. you arent alone♥

I think I know what you're talking about. I have very, very intense feelings towards my T who dropped me about 3 months and who I just saw again for the first time yesterday. It was heart-wrenching. Maybe we are coming from entirely different places but I don't understand why you would want to leave right now. Wouldn't you want to work things out with them? I've heard the same thing that a lot of progress can be made when there are strong emotions.

[likelife]

Strong emotions are so exhausting. Bone crushing exhausting. Nice work picking yourself up and going back to therapy and working with the vulnerability instead of running from it.

Maybe you're telling it to us because you'd like to get it away from you. Sometimes it just feels good to be heard.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Abby

I had a disconnection from my therapist 2 weeks ago and it has been really, really difficult dealing with the anger, pain and fear that was the consequence of that. I feel more in control of my feelings than I did last week but I also feel a lot more depressed.

So you are talking to your T about the disconnect? Stuffed feelings can lead to feeling depressed.

Originally Posted by Abby

I am aware enough to know that in the bad times I generally learn more about myself than during the good times....so I can see a positive...and I am proud of myself for going back to therapy and attempting to talk openly at a time when I felt very vulnerable......but I don't think the depression is in my mind and can be helped by these positive thoughts - I think it is in my body. My body is really crying.

Very good!

[Abby]

Thank you for listening to me. It means a lot for people to relate to how I feel and it really, really does feel good to be heard!

Does anyone else get confused by therapy? Sometimes it feels as though I should understand what my therapist is saying...and she'll say bits that I feel 'light up' and make sense to me...but they either fade too quickly or the bits don't connect to other things...as if she is a talking foreign language with the odd word of English thrown in!

I still wonder why my body cries but my mind won't. I think they are in conflict! I'm glad though that it isn't an unusual thing to happen!

Originally Posted by Abby

I still wonder why my body cries but my mind won't. I think they are in conflict! I'm glad though that it isn't an unusual thing to happen!

I've experienced this type of thing too, like my body and mind are seperate entities - my T assures me they aren't, but it's like they've got disconnected somehow. We're working on getting me to feel more 'connected up' - to stop blocking out my emotions. Recently, for a number of weeks I'd have some sort of 'post-therapy' reaction - becoming physically ill - I came to the conclusion that my body was 'processing' the intense emotions that got brought up in session. I also suffer with anxiety and panic attacks that manifest physically whilst in my mind I feel 'fine'... Very confusing, it took me a long time to accept it was anxiety at all - 'it can't be, I'm not anxious!' And yes, exhausting too.

Hang in there!