[delicatefade26]

Hey Ya'll

So I have been having a problem with taking too much medicine-sometimes it's nyquil or sleeping pills or before it was taken away from me- Klonopin I would take a bunch of those-to sleep-to be out of it. A few weeks ago I took too much sleepaid (the kind that is an antihistamine) and I had an adverse reaction to it-it scared me and I called my PDOC. He was very concerned-wanted me to go to the ER and get checked out-and was very stern with me-saying it's not a game-and he thought it was an attempt (it honeslty wasn't). I was also in communication with T that day and cried about how Pdoc was talking to me and saying that he wouldn't work with me when I'm doing stuff like this.
So last night I took too much nyquil and I had a few body spasms again-so I decided this morning that I have a problem with this-I keep doing this even though it's stupid and can harm me. So I emailed T to tell him I had a problem and I didn't know what to do. He hadn't answered by afternoon so I called and I asked him about it. He started talking about my subconscious desire to sabotage my relationship with PDOC by doing this and then telling him about it-because I know that he will tell me he won't see me anymore....and that it's my decision to tell him or to let it lie...and just have me and T look at what is going on with this...but I feel weird not telling PDOC...ugg I don't knwo what to do. I do know that I need help but...there are no groups for people who just take too much over the counter stuff...
I then called T back to ask if he was annoyed with me...and he was in a 'punchy' mood as he described it later-he said if I kept calling him 10 times he would be...he said he was concerned-he doesn't like it...but that he was not annoyed-then he asked if that was my goal...and I was like "noooo"...and that made me upset-I truly was trying to tell him that I need help with this...so I sent another email and he reassured me that it's okay and that he will see me Tuesday.....okay I'm rambling now...but i've been bothered by this all day.
I feel like i'm mad at T for some reason...

Maybe you don't feel you got what you needed from T? I ,personally, wouldn't have. He could have given a bit more compassion.

[WikidPissah]

ugh delicate, I have the same problem. It used to be Ativan, but I would run out so I started using unisom in the daytime. Of course instead on one I would take a few, because one wouldn't knock me out. I told T that I had a problem with them and he normalized it (he normalizes everything). Then I decided on my own I need to stop. I am titrating off of the ativan, and I threw out the bottle of unisom. I haven't gone to bed in the day for about 3 weeks. *crosses fingers* Now that I have taken the steps to try and police myself T is much more interested in it. Go figure.

Anyhow...I guess I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that there is hope. It is a dangerous habit, the line between "taking too much" and "coma" is very thin. Please try to cut back regardless of what T and PDOC think.

You sound so much like me it's scary! :-(

I'm sorry.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Now that I have taken the steps to try and police myself T is much more interested in it. Go figure.

This makes sense to me.

[delicatefade26]

Thank you all for your replies and hugs!!
I was thinking more about it and for the first time T was actually a little stern in his questions-asking "was it worth it? Being scared like that again"
So apart of me was upset he would be like that but another desperately wants him to be strict and tell me to not do this. I crave structure and rules and discipline I never got...and T knows that. When I emailed T I said I could tell in his voice something was off...he wrote back and said he had his nose in notes all day and that was it...he then talked about the nice weather this weekend and how he will try not to get burnt at his son's baseball game...and told me to enjoy the weekend and hell see me Tues...so I guess we will talk about it then...uggg!

[delicatefade26]

Ohh and I had already given T my sleepaids and told Pdoc...then had a bad day and went to get nyquill...ugg! I'm embaraased I have this problem : /

[unaluna]

delicate - what ARE your plans for this beautiful summer (not quite) weekend? is school over? how can we help you have fun instead of be sad?

Originally Posted by Calista+12

Maybe you don't feel you got what you needed from T? I ,personally, wouldn't have. He could have given a bit more compassion.

I'm sorry you are hurting but was my responce not right? Not good enough? I know this is NOT about me, but your not "seeing me" was a bit of a trigger. Sorry.....

[delicatefade26]

Hey Calista I'm sorry I'm usually on my iphone on this site and I thought I had said thank you or hugs to everyone who responded but sometimes it's hard to click or to click the right thing on the little screen! I'm sorry it was triggering for you I'm not good at responded to individual posts either b/c of the phone thingy...but I did want to say that you are right in saying that a part of me didn't get what I wanted from T's response-at least at first-then in the emails I did. Thank you for your response-I hope you will continue to talk to me in the future-and I will double check next time on my hugs and thanks...

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by hankster

delicate - what ARE your plans for this beautiful summer (not quite) weekend? is school over? how can we help you have fun instead of be sad?

Hey Hankster thanks for asking-I think I'm going to go swimming and play with my dogs and read for fun : ) and not take any medicine I don't need...and not think about T too much! I hope you have a good weekend too!!

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

It is a dangerous habit, the line between "taking too much" and "coma" is very thin. Please try to cut back regardless of what T and PDOC think.

My T talked yesterday about the thin line and the slippery slope in the things I'm doing...I thought yesterday why don't I just drink? but there is something about taking the pills or the medicine that's different and draws me in...ugg! I'm going to stop-It really did scare me. Thank you for sharing with me about your struggle with it! we can do this : )

@delicate I have the same desire for strictness. I didn't have any rules or discipline growing up either and I crave it. I don't know that this is healthy for an adult because aren't I pushing all the responsibility off on the therapist?

I loved it when my former T. was strict about something. It was always in cases where I knew he was right deep down but didn't want to admit it.