Sorry I know that's redundant (DBT therapists) but I mean therapists who are trained in DBT specifically. I'm just starting DBT upon the recommendation of my ex-T who said he couldn't help me anymore and I needed to try something else.

I have an individual DBT therapist who is an LSCW (I don't know why that matters but it's the first time I've seen an LSCW as opposed to a PhD or PsyD or something) and this other dude who is the group leader (he's a PsyD). So far I think the individual counselor is "nice" which means unobjectionable and non-offensive to me but it's not like we have really "clicked" or connected on a personal level in any way. I only had one encounter with the other dude and it didn't go well.

Maybe because they're new and don't know me yet but I feel like they don't really care. And it's true. I mean how much can these strangers really care about me? I just met them. And so far there's not much to like about me. I know that sounds like low self-esteem but it's not quite. I'm not saying there aren't things to like about me; just that they haven't had much of a chance to see those things yet. They know that I'm a sex worker and I have an unusual "lifestyle" that I've had to explain quite a bit about and so far the main therapist is good at conveying a non-judgmental air but most people judge my lifestyle very negatively. One of the therapists I interviewed recently said that maybe that's why I'm depressed (because of my "lifestyle"). sigh....

They just both seem so detached. The one guy saying so cavalierly "so how exactly did you want to kill yourself?" during the intake session... yeah. sigh...

Anyway I guess my question is are DBT therapists more detached than other therapists maybe because they don't want to encourage drama or give into plays for sympathy and such? No matter how much pain I go in there with they're just all like "these are the coping skills" "be present" "describe the pain" blahblahblah

[dizgirl2011]

Hey there,

It sounds like you are feeling a bit lost at the moment because you don't have a connection with the people supporting you and I can see how that would concern you .

I have never had DBT but if they were more detached my guess would be because it was designed for Borderline Personality Disorder and people with the condition usually have attachment issues (amongst other things) and maybe they find it better to take a step back and remain objective. However this is only a guess as to why they could be but it probably ust depends on each therapist and maybe with time you will feel a stronger connection to your T?

x

[nicoleb2]

My t is a dbt t and she is not detatched. My group dbt T's are more so, because the group is not designed to go into a lot of details. Its made for learning the skills, so they always focus on here's a skill to use. Not really much chance to get very attached...

[eskielover]

It is a very logical thinking, "this is how things are' sort of therapy where we stick with the facts, throw in the emotions & come up with what the best solution is & these are the skills we need to get through the rough times when things aren't going ok in life.

But that is really how when we are healthy life is lived. I have to say that our DBT group leader is awesome....She is Italian.....& has a very cute way with the american language....sometimes it takes me awhile to figure out what she was saying. She has lived through some very bad things in her own life....so she relates to applying DBT to her life as well as helping us apply it to ours. Having been a very logical person & having had an engineering career.....this fits into the way I have thought much of my life.....& makes more sense to me than all the other years of therapy where I just sat there & talked without any feedback or concepts to help me rethink the ways my thinking had gone off base. Never realized just how judgmental I have been of my life all along being a very type A personality & a perfectionist coming from a family that was anything but, it was my only way of knowing how to succeed in life & make sure I didn't end up in the same place as my parents but life doesn't always work the way WE plan & it takes some major thinking changes to be able to accept & deal with that.....which is why DBT has been the best possible therapy technique I have encountered. Our group isn't like group therapy either....it's like a college class which also suits my needs perfectly.

My individual psychologist is also very good....have been seeing her form2 1/2 years now....& getting to know her & the different way she was from my previous 13 years experiences took some time....but it fit with the DBT which she suggested & she blends in my individual therapy with the DBT of the group.....so it all makes sense....logically which for me is good because I struggle with even recognizing emotions & figuring out what to do with them other than stuff them.

[WikidPissah]

yes. I found dbt to be really analytical. It's all about stopping bad behavior and control emotions. Not really good for those of us who need to learn to express emotions.

[eskielover]

Actually, it's perfect for those of us who need to learn how to express emotions.....because it not only teaches us to recognize the emotions, but to express them in acceptable ways & to NOT IGNORE THEM. Every emotion we have has it's purpose......& it's that purpose that we are taught to handle.....which is the way of expressing the emotion.

[adel34]

Hi, I've never tried DBT, though I've read some about it in school. It seems like a solid therapy, and I hear it's helpful for trauma and mood disorders. I may try it after I move, there's a good program nearby where I'm going. I wouldn't want to go to any kind of therapist where I wasn't feeling a connection. Then again, as others have said, if you're just starting out sometimes that connection takes time. I've seen many profiles of therapists out there, who comabine DBT with psychodynamic/relation therapy. This seems like a good mix, as the DBT provides the practical skills, while the psychodynamic/ relational frame insures that problems are addressed at their roots and the connection is valued as a priority. If you feel like you're not getting anywhere connection wise with this therapist, but still think you're getting something out of DBT you might want to try someone with this approach. Hope this helps.

I don't have any problem expressing emotions. I have problems expressing them too much. :-(

Also I'm crashing really hard right now and I think I just fired my DBT therapist. I don't like her. She's too cold. She doesn't like me.

[splitimage]

I'm currently in a DBT group and find that both therapists who lead the group are quite warm and empathetic. That being said, it is definitely more practical skills based than other therapies, and the focus is on learning new skills rather than getting into underlying issues. I'm getting a lot out of it, in terms of learning to deal with my emotions in healthy not self-destructive ways.

splitimage

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by Lillylillie

I don't have any problem expressing emotions. I have problems expressing them too much. :-(

Also I'm crashing really hard right now and I think I just fired my DBT therapist. I don't like her. She's too cold. She doesn't like me.

Does this mean you are no longer in the group DBT or just don't have an individual one now? how does it work?

I need DBT-and my T incorporates it a lot and is trained-but not the only focus-but I would be scared to do group-and of them being detached like you said...

@delicatefade26 oh... no, I don't know what that means! It means I was high when I wrote it.

I can't actually fire her. I need her to be my individual therapist in order to do the group and I need to do the group and am supposed to start next week.

I don't like her though. But I don't have anyone I can replace her with. I'm too tired and I'm going broke trying to keep finding new therapists.

[rainboots87]

I just finished my second round of the dbt skills via group with a LCSW and see an individual T (PsyD) who utilizes a lot of dbt, and I haven't had a detached experience at all. In fact, both of these Ts are hands-down the most compassionate Ts I've ever worked with. I think your experience will totally depend on the T, the therapeutic relationship, and the client's needs. I tend to get miffed with the criticism of dbt that always pops up on this board, because it's been the most helpful therapy I've had. I've grown so much from fully participating in dbt.

Oh, I wanted to add that both of these Ts give personal examples of how they've used the skills in their own struggles, which I've found incredibly helpful (and a reminder to me that Ts are not as perfect and together as I think 24/7).

[rainboots87]

Originally Posted by Lillylillie

@delicatefade26 oh... no, I don't know what that means! It means I was high when I wrote it.

I can't actually fire her. I need her to be my individual therapist in order to do the group and I need to do the group and am supposed to start next week.

I don't like her though. But I don't have anyone I can replace her with. I'm too tired and I'm going broke trying to keep finding new therapists.

I hope you'll be able to benefit from therapy with these Ts. Sometimes, I find it helpful to ask why they do something a certain way or whatever and have found most Ts glad to answer. It helps me understand why we're doing what we're doing in therapy. Also, she may grow on you. I've had Ts that I did not like at first, but later really liked working with or at least learned a lot from.

[TayQuincy]

My DBT experience has been like Rainboot's. My T is not detached at all. I loved my groups too. no other T has ever been there for me like my DBT therapist has.

From the sound of it, you just really started with these therapists? You really have to give them some time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Could pushing this new T away be reactive to your ex-T saying he could no longer work with you? The "I'm going to leave them before they leave me" syndrome? Just a thought.