[Hope-Full]

Question - for those that have experienced dissociation, can you tell when it's going to happen? Can you feel it coming on? Can you do anything to stop it from happening?

I do not have a dissociative disorder, but lately I have found myself dissociating daily, sometimes a few times a day. It used to only happen once in a while, the increase in frequency is starting to scare me a little.

Well, for me, there are just topics that I know if we go down that path I'm going to "float away" as I call it. Most of the time I tell T this.

There are other times when I get triggered by something I just automatically "float away" before I can really alert her.

[Hope-Full]

Thanks Stormy.

The thing is, it hasn't happened but a few times during my appointment with T. Instead, it's happening at work and at home. Sometimes I think I can feel it coming on and I try to alter my behavior at that moment, but sometimes it sneaks up on me. I am not sure what is going on, I just know its getting scarier.

It will definitely be a topic of conversation when I see T this week.

That sounds pretty normal. That at times you can feel it and stop yourslef by grounding or redirecting attention/behaviors. Other times it takes you by surprise. I wonder if there are triggers or vulnerability factors that can be recognized so you feel more in control of when/where this happens?

[WePow]

I have DID... but for me it feels like I am going to sleep inside. Sometimes it feels like I am watching myself from far away. Sometimes it is just a feeling of not being solid or real.

[stopdog]

There are times when it is sudden and I do not lnow it is happening. I lose time. Other times it is like floating away or just being separate but there in a floaty way. I can tell the therapist about that kind when it starts happening. I do not have DID.

[Honeybun]

I don't have DID, but do dissociate. Sometimes it happens so fast I cannot prevent it. For me it feels like I'm in a bubble and the world (usually my T) is on the outside. I can hear what is being said but cannot grasp it. I also do not remember what has been said during those times. It feels very safe, yet lonely. It is also very difficult to overcome ( at least that is my experience).

I have DID. Sometimes i feel sleepy, sometimes spaced out and like i am down a long tunnel. Its hard to explain. Sometimes i start feeling "wavy" like somethings just not right.

Like the others, it doesn't always happen the same way for me. Sometimes, it's like the world suddenly shifts a few feet to the right and I am listening to myself and everyone else from a distance. Other times, it feels like my eyes are jittering back and forth, and then I get a headache and usually lose a chunk of time. Other times, it's like doors are slamming inside my head, and emotions just get cut off. Sometimes I can fight it off and sometimes I cannot.

[Hope-Full]

Wow... I can relate to so much of what everyone said.

@Stormy - Not sure of triggers, I'll start watching for them, though. I know that lately I've been feeling very exposed, very raw, very vulnerable, so I guess it makes sense it's happening more?

@WePow - Yes - it's as if I am watching myself. I feel like my mind floated away and I'm actually observing what's going on instead of experiencing it. It scares the crap out of me.

@stopdog - How do you know if you've lost time? I don't know if I do or not. Great. Another worry!

@honeybun - the bubble is such an accurate description - I've used that phrasing before! You also explained why I've been having such a hard time hanging on to things T says during my appointment - I swear, I get into my car and I forget everything we just talked about. I used to be able to remember it long enough to journal when I got home, now I don't even hold it long enough to journal in my car before I leave.

@SarahMichelle - The wavy is a good description too. I feel that way as I'm sinking into it. Ironically, I've experienced bits and pieces of dissociation since I was a little kid, I just didn't know it had a name until recently.

@MKAC - Wow. I didn't realize there were so many ways of dissociating. That makes me wonder if I've done it more than I realize.

Ugh. Thanks everyone, as anxious and scared as I am, I feel a lot less alone!

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I think it really depends on the extent of the dissociation and the person it's happening to. I apparently dissociate almost constantly. I call it "tunnel thinking" t calls it dissociating. 9 times out of 10, if I'm focusing or thinking about something, the rest of the world just does not exist. I can "watch" TV, not really think anything at all, be staring at the TV, yet I have no clue what's going on on the TV either. I also black out as well. Those I can feel coming on before they happen, but most of the other dissociation happens without me realizing it. Before you fret though, realize that everyone dissociates to some degree. If it's becoming a burden or effecting your every day life, it may be something to worry about, if not, it is rather normal for everyone

[pbutton]

I usually feel like I am watching myself. I feel like I am no longer in my body. Generally I start to feel that whatever has upset or hurt me is no longer affecting me because I am not there any longer.

[stopdog]

By losing time I mean I will end up places and not remember how I got there or why. Sometimes, if it happens in the therapist's office, I will realize she is sort of shouting my name but I will not know what has gone on for a few minutes.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

stopdog, that is the scariest for me. When I black out and come back with someone yelling my name. I don't know why but that's the scariest for me. The rest I can tolerate, even that I suppose but I like it the least out of the rest

Not saying I technically like the rest but you know what I mean...

[mixedup_emotions]

I can relate....I can sometimes feel it coming on, but stopping it seems impossible. It feels out of my control. T tries working with me on grounding methods, but it's incredibly difficult.

[eskielover]

Dissociation & Depersonalization are similar.....

dissociation is when you completely leave yourself & don't know what is going on, loose time & sometimes don't know where you are or how you got there (mild dissociation is when you are driving in the car & don't remember driving the last few miles....mind has gone off thinking about something else, completely not paying attention to where the body really is)

Depersonalization......what I have been dealing with since going through the trauma that happened with the home care person when my mother was dying of cancer.......it's when you are sort of floating above yourself & you are watching yourself & hearing yourself talk, but it's like person is someone you are just watching.

First time I realized it hit me, I was at the ranch feeding 30 horses. I had just gotten out of the medical hospital being treated for anorexia with a central line & IV nutrition. My mother had died of cancer & the abuse & trauma that I had gone through with the home care person was still right there around me along with police reports & constant reminders of the horrible experience. I remember, I was standing on the bales of hay & someone said something to me. It was like I was way above the hay I was standing on & I was talking, but I had no idea what I was being asked or what I was answering. Scared me so bad, I had no idea how I could possibly know what to answer when I really didn't even know what the person was saying to me.

I was just looking through some of my DBT handouts & they say that dissociation/depersonalization are aftereffects of the emotions of anger, sadness, fear, & shame......any thing that triggers any of those emotions is probably what is triggering the dissociation even though you may not consciously know you are even thinking about the trigger.

I thought after moving 2100 miles away from where the trauma happened, I would be better off, but even the feel of fall in the air sends those triggers out to get me......also when a horrible accident happened right in front of my farm.......I did what I needed to do to get the necesssary help there (they were there within 5 minutes) bit it was like I was watching my every move & everything I said.

The feeling of depersonalization felt much worse before my pdoc finally explained what was happening to me......it's bad enough, I can't imagine what the feeling of dissociation would be like. I hate loosing time when I have taken a med that knocks me out. Would hate for it to happen in just the normal course of life.

Hope this also helps define better what you are experiencing & helps place the appropriate psychological term to what you are experiencing.

[WikidPissah]

I loose time too. similar to the way Stopdog described it. I will start off doing laundry or washing the dishes and end up a couple hours later doing something totally different. It scares the crap out of me. I do manage to stay present for most of T though. I think he has learned to read when I am starting to drift and he makes a conscious effort to keep me present. (I don't have DID)

[Nightlight]

I don't think I had a problem with this at all before taking my current medication. The medication helps me a lot, but since taking it I experience so much of what people are describing here. I hate it when I'm driving and I've been somewhere far away. I suddenly realise that I have no idea if I've been stopping at red lights, but I suppose I must have been. Once I was driving somewhere in a real hurry, I was running late. I suddenly woke up a few streets beyond where I was aiming for. I have no idea where I was actually driving to, if I hadn't woken up. It was almost too late to turn off before the motorway. Ugh. I feel like my memory is really bad, but I think it's actually these weird dissociative states rather than my actual memory that's affected. sometimes I just cannot remember if I've taken my medication. I'll remember that I walked to the kitchen to get a drink and nothing beyond that. It's not very pleasant!

Although I also relate to watching the TV without actually watching and think that's something I did before taking the medication. Sometimes I do it with books too. I'll realise that I've just been staring at the same spot for ages.

[sconnie892]

I think I've started to disassociate in sessions, but t just says "you sat there in silence for a few minutes." I don't think she wants to label it.

The worst I've had was after a really rough session. I remember getting in my car and leaving t's parking lot and then I was in my driveway. When I pulled in I realized I had never turned on my headlights. I had driven home 30 minutes down a major highway in the dark with just running lights. Went in my house, lay down and stared at the back of the couch without ever sleeping. When I finally came out of it was the middle of the night.

[JustWannaDisappear]

I do this during conversation, usually with T. I've never told her about it though. I do this most while driving. It's very scary for me and I usually end up getting lost in areas I know very well. My 6yr old is always asking me if I'm lost because I seem to blank out and get frustrated once I figure out that I was driving and don't know where I'm at. The only thing I can think of for a trigger is I was in a bad accident 10yrs ago and driving causes so much anxiety for me that it's my brains way of dealing with it.