[RoamingMind]

Based on your sex, do you prefer a male or female therapist to
help you with your romantic relationship and sexuality issues?

I feel like I should find another female therapist to work with, I'm a male
and I find myself to be more comfortable talking to a woman. I already know I have a tendency to not be openly honest with a male.

Possibly, my thoughts could be way off. But it seems like it would be beneficial to talk to a woman about these issues because talking to women on a different level is what these issues are all about anyway

As usual I'd like to hear your thoughts.

EDIT: Do you feel that you need to learn more about being a man or a woman in context of modern society, from a male or a female therapist based on your sex?

[pbutton]

I'd rather have a male therapist. (I'm female.) I tend to not like women very much. I feel like male therapists would be more direct & less emotional. Rationally, I know this is not the case.

I am currently in the process of looking for a new therapist. I'm trying to keep an open mind and consider both genders. Odds are good that I'll go with a male though.

I'm female and also prefer a male therapist. I have a hard time trusting other women, especially on sexual issues. I was sexually abused by a woman, and many women I have known throughout my life were unstable and dishonest. [probably more as a result of how unhealthy I was and the people I chose to hang out with as a result, than any indication of what women are like in general.]

Ditto, I'm a woman and I've had a female T but it didn't work for me. I love my male T, theraputically of course.

[likelife]

I think it's definitely a matter of personal preference. I have a difficult time talking about sexuality issues no matter what, but I imagine it'd be ten times harder with a male. (I'm a female with a female T).

I've always preferred a male therapist (I'm female) for whatever issues I'm working on. It really is a personal preference though. It is more about the skill of the therapist than the gender.

For relationship stuff, definitely a male (I'm female). I've discovered a lot about my problems with relationships through my relationship with T. I actually experience the trust issues, etc in real time with him. A female T could probably point out some of my issues just through talking, but there's no teacher like actual experience.

If I had issues with sexuality I would be more comfortable with a female (probably), but I think I would want someone who specialized in that area. I've had the same male physician for 15 years and I like him a lot, but I've always had a separate OB/GYN who is female. Just more comfortable that way, although I've had male OB/GYNs in the past, and no problems there.

female here, male t, male pdoc and even a male gyno
my i believe has more to do with mother issues, so gotta have a male.

[RoamingMind]

Wow, hearing all of this input is great!

It's starting to make sense as to why I prefer a female therapist.
The relationship issues I want to explore are with women, so it makes sense for me
to have a female to talk to. The trick is finding someone with the skill though.

Regarding male therapist; I don't feel comfortable, maybe because part of it is my views. Most of the male therapist in my area are older (I estimate around 50 yrs old)
I view older men as having very different views than younger ones. A lot of things have changed drastically from their generation to mine.

Oddly though, I feel that women's perspectives on relationships haven't shifted as much. I think I'm rambling on again...

I've never had a male therapist, but I did have two male psych. The second one gave me a little bit of therapy, but I didn't feel completely comfortable. I just feel like I'm under more scrutiny.

Anyway, I'm completely lost but that's why I'm here.

@jbmomg I'm glad you said that. Maybe I'm more comfortable with women because of my issues with my father.
I love him but I feel he gave me very few examples of what it's like to be a man without being aggressive and harsh. I've had to figure most of it out myself.
Sadly I'm sure he had to do the same since his father didn't teach him either. I'm the opposite of you, I have all female doctors! I have no gyno though

[stopdog]

I prefer female therapists. I have found them to be not gooey or emotional, they can handle sarcasm without getting their feelings hurt, and I have no problem talking to them about sex the little it comes up for me.

[critterlady]

I prefer a male therapist (I'm female). I get along really well with other women, but have trouble with men. My male therapist is really helping me face those issues. In some ways, it's harder to talk to him, especially about sexual issues, but my potential for growth is higher with him. One of my main issues is childhood sexual abuse and i have yet to be able to tell him exactly what happened, but I suspect I'd have trouble telling a female T as well.

Also, I know the female perspective on most things, but the male perspective can be a mystery to me. I like hearing his take on things.

[unaluna]

I agree with you on the older guy thing. Maybe because they're in short supply right now? but the older man does not waste his time talking to anything he ain't gonna you-know, whereas younger men treat women of all ages like actual humans, IME. on average. in general. okay, just the guys in my apartment complex. whatever!

[Snuffleupagus]

I am a lesbian and have a lesbian T. I have trust issues with both genders and had cr ap relationships with both parents. I have tended to have more male friends though. I've had gay men as my AA sponsors, so that has really helped me trust men more (although both call men "pigs" and include themselves).

My first T was female but straight and it felt like that kept creating a gap in really understanding me, but I really wanted to work through some of my problems with women, so my current T is also female. Since she's a better fit for me I've already yielded a healthier relationship with my mother.

I'm not aware of any female POV - I'm sure there is one, but they have never told me what it is. So I can't say I think very much about what the male POV is either.

I would not be able to talk about relationships or sexuality with most men, but I wouldn't be able to talk about any of that with a woman at all. I tried discussing my marriage with two female ex-Ts and failed dismally. I feel much more able to do it with current male T. (I was going to say that I feel comfortable doing it, but of course it's never comfortable to talk about relationships or about sex. But it feels as if I'm making some kind of sense to him because he responds with relevant questions rather than irrelevant advice.)

[healed84]

I am a female with a male T.. I am working on being able to talk to him about things of a sexual nature. He knows that I have trust issues with men, but in other ways we have such a great connection... That I think I can get past the male part and eventually be able to to talk about those touchy things. It is good for me, I am learning in a safe enviroment that there are men worthy of trust. I do assume that it would be much eaiser for me to talk to a female T about sex, ra, etc.. but for now I am very content with my male T.

[bluemountains]

I am a female and have a female T. My abusers were males, and I figure this plays into my decision. I avoid all male providers as much as possible. As for talking about sex, I do so, but I am not comfortable with this, and I definitely wouldn't be with a male.
Bluemountains

[WikidPissah]

Funny how often this question comes up on PC.

I'm female, I prefer a male T. I can't talk about sex to either male or female though.

[kirbydog156]

I am female and currently have a male T. Previously always had female T's and physicians, but having a male T now has been incredibly healing for me. My abuser was male, so to have a deeply emotionally intimate safe relationship with a loving and compassionate male T has been a powerful aspect of my healing process. I think a lot depends on the T themselves however, and not merely their gender.

[RoamingMind]

Wow, so many great responses.
It's really helped me put things into perspective, now I feel
okay with my choice of choosing another female T.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I prefer female therapists due to CSA issues and having a very distant relationship with my father. When my T is on vacation, I see a male T but have some difficulty talking about sex/sexuality. I agree that it really depends on the therapist. My T is also a survivor so I feel very comfortable talking about sexuality issues with her. She is the best T I have ever had and is a great fit for my personality style.

[Towanda]

I am a female with a male therapist and we've talked about sexual and relationship issues in a very open and honest fashion. He's always made it very comfortable for me to talk about the really difficult issues. I think it's been very healing - my dad was emotionally abusive and he's modeled caring, empathy and compassion - something I never had. I've had female T's in the past and never felt the same level of comfort and ability to be vulnerable.

[scorpiosis37]

I'm female with a female T. I'm lesbian and she's bi; it was important for me to find a T who could understand my worldview, my relationships, my experiences, etc. Prior to her, I'd seen straight female Ts and they just didn't "get it" AT ALL. Their advice was really off the mark. Ignorant in fact. It's like night and day with my current T. I don't have to waste my session explaining things to her; she already gets them because she has had similar experiences. I don't have any issues with sexuality per se, but it's really easy for me to talk to my about sex with my T. I'm pretty open about sex and so is she. In fact, I feel as though I could talk to her about anything-- and probably have done so in the past and will do so again the future. Because of the level of trust I've built with her, I feel no topic is off limits. For me, I know I could never have built that level of trust with a male T, no matter how skilled or experienced. It just wouldn't work for me. I'd never be able to get comfortable. I think selecting a T is a matter of personal preference. You should find the T with who you feel most comfortable; the T with whom you can be the most open, honest, and relaxed. Good luck in your search!

[mommyof2girls]

Although I like my current T.....I would Much prefer a male t.....I have always found it a lot easier to talk to men than women..... And I think that I am going to start looking for a new male t.....

[carly011]

I am a female, and i prefer a female T. I just find it easier to talk to a women, rather then a male. For any issues. I have a super hard time getting things out and she is really patient with me. I needed someone with a more "maternal" instinct because i am a very emotional person. I am straight if that matters. I just needed someone i am comfortable with, and for some reason i have never been comfortable talking to guys about my feelings.

[RoamingMind]

Originally Posted by carly011

I am a female, and i prefer a female T. I just find it easier to talk to a women, rather then a male. For any issues. I have a super hard time getting things out and she is really patient with me. I needed someone with a more "maternal" instinct because i am a very emotional person. I am straight if that matters. I just needed someone i am comfortable with, and for some reason i have never been comfortable talking to guys about my feelings.

It's irritating that it's too much to reply to everyone individually.
But all of this input helps me and others, and that's what matters.

Being a straight male, I'm not comfortable talking to other men about emotional issues. The reason I don't know. I'd probably be comfortable with a gay male T though. Seems odd to me that I think about it (no offense), maybe it's because I there is a high chance that they would be disarming.

Yes, I admit to being defensive and closed off, which is probably why my relationships burn up before they start (one of the reasons anyway )

Regarding relationships, I just need someone who will tell me some useful information. I'm tired of hearing "Get out there, you'll meet someone who's right for you" and the rest of that BS, I think to myself "What is this, a ****ing e-harmony commercial?" I have met girls. The issue is the fact that when I do I'M LOST!

It's gotten to the point where it's so irritating that It's time to do something about it. I mean, Jesus, I know that women like a well dressed man. I can't afford to dress that way though! No, I'm not about to confirm to the latest haircuts and fashion trends just to get attention from women.
Those are usually the ones I don't want anything to do with past "you know what".

Even if I did that and met them the problem still exist, I get lost from that point on. It's not as if I have terrible social skills, it's just that I have issues with women. I get more useful advice from a friend.
She points out the positive aspects of my personality, and that's helped me focus and improve the best parts of me.

So, after seeing someone 4 years or close to it, it's time to change T's.

Excuse my rant, it's just very irritating. I'm also mad right now because if I had my skills better developed then there would be a much bigger chance of me holding onto the girl I have an interest in now.

My concern is that I've just tripped up one to many times and now it's all gone to hell.

Who knows anymore? I sure don't!