For those of you who have dealt with terminating therapy how was your last session? How did you and your T handled it?

I've had to end therapy on two different occasions in the past, both on very good terms due to either me or the therapist moving to a different area. The first time we had all sorts of notice since he was a university therapist and we knew my graduation date. We actually didn't spend much time talking about us. Our time was spent preparing me for the transition into my career, moving to the big city, finding support where I was going to relocate, etc. We actually kept in touch from time to time from that point on even to this day some 27 years later.

The second time we had very little forewarning. My T was my pastor and he accepted a call to a church in Florida. They get very little warning about changes in parishes. As it happened, I had just found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child so I was very distracted in a good way as he was leaving. That time I just chose to discontinue therapy as I knew how busy my life was about to get. The timing really couldn't have been better.

My tdumped me one night. Nowarning. There was no closure session.

[northgirl]

for my last session, we mainly focused on a reflective time, talking about the progress made, and what issues were still present that I could work on in the future. It was a time to check in on how I was feeling about things and get questions answered that maybe before I was left to answer on my own.

I just ended my therapy last Friday.

T and I had a very close, long-term relationship, and our last session probably reflected that.

I wrote about it here:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=233359

[critterlady]

I terminated with my first therapist in December. Neither of us wanted to end, but he was moving.

Our last session was really nice - we spent the time reviewing the work we did and talking about my future plans. We told each other how we felt about the other and I told him how much I appreciated what he did for me. Lot of laughing and some tears (even he welled up a couple of times).

At the end, we hugged for the first and only time. He's an awesome hugger and it lasted a long time. Then he walked me out and we'll never see each other again.

In college, we ended when the school year ended. It was nice, just kind of a wrap up of what we had done. I wasn't super attached to him, so I was okay with us being done. He had offered to hug me repeatedly during our time together. He would offer, but let me know I was allowed to say no. I always said some very polite version of, "Don't ****ing touch me." At the last session, as I was leaving, he stopped me and was like, really??? I was confused. He asked me if I was really leaving therapy and was NEVER going to hug him. I laughed and hugged him and left.

[stopdog]

The first one when I was in my early 20s told me therapy was not working but that I was a good person to be around and so we became friends.

The second one about 15 years later told me I could not just quit and I said yes I can and never went back.

The current one just says okay when I quit and then says nothing when I come back.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

In college, we ended when the school year ended. It was nice, just kind of a wrap up of what we had done. I wasn't super attached to him, so I was okay with us being done. He had offered to hug me repeatedly during our time together. He would offer, but let me know I was allowed to say no. I always said some very polite version of, "Don't ****ing touch me." At the last session, as I was leaving, he stopped me and was like, really??? I was confused. He asked me if I was really leaving therapy and was NEVER going to hug him. I laughed and hugged him and left.

Well I termintated due to a major rupture ...but on good terms even though I know I am not done with some of my issues.

Just said it had meant a great deal to me and T said I was welcome back another time ( think they have to say that)

Then I thanked her for the hugs she had given me ( and bringing it into my personal life wich has make a big difference in contact with other people) For some reason I am embarressed now for saying that And the whole thing felt a bit flat.

[Dreamy01]

I was fortunate to have a build up to the ending with former t over a few weeks. She had to leave the agency due to personal reasons. It was incredibly hard but we used the remaining sessions to reflect and look at my progress. We exchanged gifts on the final day, talked about how far I'd come, and then I left. She was strictly anti-touch throughout the 3 years with her but on that final day she patted me on the shoulder as I walked away.

It was incredibly painful and took me months to grieve afterwards but I survived. I've always had a strong fear of endings and this was my first experience of a good, healthy ending.

She didn't agree with any contact after ending but I did send her a Christmas card almost a year later and she sent me a card back which meant a lot to me. That is the last contact we've had although I might send a card again this year.

Ending with my T has been difficult. Something is going on in her personal life as well as the fact that she is moving to a new practice. I have been left to sort this out for myself. I dont want to text her or bother her because I get the feeling she is also having a hard time. We kind of set the stage to say farewell at our last two sessions so if we dont see each other again I will be ok with that. I know we wish eachother well. I feel like I am the grown up in all of this. Kind of unprofessional of her but I also know we are both doing our best. Thankfully at our last session when we were wrappping up the hour I thanked her so much and told her that i felt i was a better person for working with her. We gave each other a big hug.
I think if we are going to move on that was the best way we could have done it.
And I can talk about my feelings of continued abandonment and mistrust with my next T as this is an example.

[SeaSalt]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

Ending with my T has been difficult. Something is going on in her personal life as well as the fact that she is moving to a new practice. I have been left to sort this out for myself. I dont want to text her or bother her because I get the feeling she is also having a hard time. We kind of set the stage to say farewell at our last two sessions so if we dont see each other again I will be ok with that. I know we wish eachother well. I feel like I am the grown up in all of this. Kind of unprofessional of her but I also know we are both doing our best. Thankfully at our last session when we were wrappping up the hour I thanked her so much and told her that i felt i was a better person for working with her. We gave each other a big hug.
I think if we are going to move on that was the best way we could have done it.
And I can talk about my feelings of continued abandonment and mistrust with my next T as this is an example.

More and more, I am thinking I have an issue with this. An issue I didnt even know existed. But looking back, yes indeedee this has happened to me numerous times and I guess I never really dealt with it.

I asked my T up front about termination. Only because I read here all the horror stories. The abandonment thing never entered my mind. But she mentioned it, that I was worried she would leave me. At that point I hadnt thought about it since I had no attraction/attachment to her at all. But I've remembered that I am a runner. When things go bad, I run. So now that she told me she has only terminated one person in 20 years (due to constant cancellations), I want to quit her. And like some others have posted, how in thee hell can they say they will never leave when you dont know what the future holds? I think they just say that, perhaps with good intentions, only to know they may have to deal with that emotion in the future. Kind of like crossing that bridge when we get to it.

((((Sea)))), I agree with you. I don't think they should ever even whisper that "I'll never leave you". Meh. Maybe that is a form of T that thankfully I've never experienced. IMHO, I think it's a horrible way to try to gain someone's trust. Everyone leaves. At some point. I mean, it would be lovely if we lasted forever and nothing changed, but WTheck?

My T sort of slipped it in (that she was leaving) a few sessions ago. She didn't come right out and say it, either, but I heard her slip it in and read between the lines.

I burst into tears, hugged her and left that session (she is my only female "friend" IRL that I can talk to so I felt sad she was leaving).

Then, at the next session, we talked about it. I asked/clarified that she really WAS leaving to go to another practice. She confirmed it.

Then, we threw around some ideas on how to deal with it until she leaves. I was pretty clear that I wanted to speak with someone else. pronto (because I didn't want to get started on a whole new topic, be on the cusp of another break-through, and then have her be gone. while we are right in the middle of things). That would not be good. She said she would speak with the head person and work on it.

My T never said "I won't leave" but she always said I could "trust" her when I was scared to death ... and that mattered a lot to me. THAT is what kept me going week after week, doing all the homework, reading, etc.

Then she cancelled our appt last week It was horrible timing because the day before I was majorly triggered.

I was coping the best I could, but just hanging on by a thread. I felt sort of left out in the cold because she is the only person in my life that knows about any of this stuff that I am struggling with

The weekend was delightful: I was having flashbacks, memories, not sleeping, couldn't eat, anx/miserable (majorly triggered), struggling to maintain my head above the water, not feel angry that she cancelled (to give her the benefit) AND figure out how I was going to make it until our next session. She didn't check in with me at all, and I wasn't even sure she was coming back, so I called to find someone else.

I am a "runner" too in that I do a disappearing act when something happens, and I feel as if I cannot trust that person anymore. So I'm having a hard time reconciling all of this.