Refuse to leave?

lostmyway21 · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:23 AM

Has anyone ever refused to leave a session? T kept trying to wrap up and tell me he would see me Monday, and I just sat there. I just kept telling him I didn't want to leave.*

Jun 22, 2012 at 08:27 AM

That would be fairly disrespectful of his boundaries and of any client that might be waiting for a session after me. No, as much as leaving is sometimes difficult if I am not feeling closure at the end of a session, it would be better to schedule an extra appointment or ask for a phone call later, etc. than to refuse to leave.

ListenMoreTalkLess · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:27 AM

I'm sure you are not the first person to do so in the history of therapy.

Kinda disrespectful to your T and to the person who may have had the appointment after you, IMO. I think it's also violating the clear boundaries of T, where you are expected to leave on time.

granite1 · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:28 AM

no i have never done that. what was going on and what did he do

WikidPissah · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:33 AM

I have always been in an all fired up hurry to leave.

Yea, there is the waiting client.

healed84 · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:37 AM

My T has gotten up to go to his desk and said, Okay I will see you next week.. And I sat there, frozen.. I told him I didn't think I could leave yet. What we were talking about really made me feel very anxious and he sat there a couple of mins trying to help get me grounded, so it was okay to leave. However, I don't think I have refused to leave when I could actually leave.

lostmyway21 · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:37 AM

No I was still in my time I had a few minutes left. He was wrapping me up when I did it. I got really anxious out of no where. I didn't want to lee the safeness of the office at that moment.

BashfulBear · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:41 AM

I've never done it - I normally can't wait to leave and half power-walk, half bolt to the door - and have never heard of anyone doing it until now actually! Bless your little cotton socks, Lost!

I'm inclined to agree that it's a little disrespectful (and more importantly, awkward), but I can understand!

tkdgirl · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:48 AM

I think there is a difference between refusing to leave and being unable to leave because of something difficult that is being processed.

Jun 22, 2012 at 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tkdgirl

I think there is a difference between refusing to leave and being unable to leave because of something difficult that is being processed.

Absolutely. On a couple of occasions my T has moved me to another office so I could sit there until I felt okay to leave and drive which was a really good solution. But, yeah, generally there is another client waiting so T's have to somehow move on to the next client.

stopdog · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:54 AM

I am usually ready to leave and the idea of staying longer is not appealing to me. Once the woman tried to end it early and I told her I still had time left so we waited and when the clock hit the time that the appointment was up I stood up and left. I usually stand up at the end time, put the money on her table and walk out-I am usually the one who ends it - not her. There is no winding down from her at all. If she had given some reason for trying to end early, I would have cheerfully left early. Once I indicated I had time left, she let it be.

critterlady · Jun 22, 2012 at 08:59 AM

My T usually gives me a few minutes' warning by saying "I have to stop us soon, but" and then goes on to say something pithy. Then when it's time to really end, he asks me if it's okay to stop here. I've often wondered what he'd do if I said "no."

SoupDragon · Jun 22, 2012 at 09:05 AM

I can relate to finding it hard to leave once or twice - it just felt so scary to even move. My T has a way of saying "OK" when the session ends and that has become my cue to leave.

Wonder what helped you leave eventually? And maybe this is a good thing to explore with T sometimes?

Soup

lostmyway21 · Jun 22, 2012 at 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by critterlady

My T usually gives me a few minutes' warning by saying "I have to stop us soon, but" and then goes on to say something pithy. Then when it's time to really end, he asks me if it's okay to stop here. I've often wondered what he'd do if I said "no."

No I dont want to leave! was followed by a um Lost, you have to, you can't stay here. I have other patients coming today. You will be okay...

lostmyway21 · Jun 22, 2012 at 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I can relate to finding it hard to leave once or twice - it just felt so scary to even move. My T has a way of saying "OK" when the session ends and that has become my cue to leave.

Wonder what helped you leave eventually? And maybe this is a good thing to explore with T sometimes?

Soup

He basically said I HAD to. He was totally confused when I said I didnt want to go and then I didnt get up. I wasn't going to hold his office hostage.

let's just say I don't win best client award today.

lonelyplanet · Jun 22, 2012 at 09:17 AM

I never have that problem. I have the other problem. I keep looking at my watch and towards the end I say "surely its time for me to leave" lol. I've been banned from even looking at my watch anymore. Apparently my T likes to control the time so when we have 5 mins left, she tells me. You poor thing thats hard.

stopdog · Jun 22, 2012 at 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

I never have that problem. I have the other problem. I keep looking at my watch and towards the end I say "surely its time for me to leave" lol. I've been banned from even looking at my watch anymore. Apparently my T likes to control the time so when we have 5 mins left, she tells me. You poor thing thats hard.

I have seen a few who did not have clocks for clients to see and who liked to control the time - I just set my phone to buzz at the 5 minute mark whenever I see a new one. Them controlling the time would piss me off.

franki_j · Jun 22, 2012 at 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

I never have that problem. I have the other problem. I keep looking at my watch and towards the end I say "surely its time for me to leave" lol. I've been banned from even looking at my watch anymore. Apparently my T likes to control the time so when we have 5 mins left, she tells me. You poor thing thats hard.

Haha me too! I have actually physically picked up the clock on the table next to me to check the time. And I used to always remind my T how much time we had left.
But about a month and a half ago I made it my goal to not look at the clock anymore. I told T I was OK with not being in control of the time and I felt comfortable with her telling me when it is time to leave. It's actually worked pretty well. I am not so neurotic about the time anymore and I like asking her how much time we have left, because I think it shows that I trust her and am OK with not being "in control" of the time.

unaluna · Jun 22, 2012 at 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Them controlling the time would piss me off.

dearest dog, you realize of course the existential absurdity of anyone controlling time. how do you reconcile that with your actions? I mean, why not take that step back and let go...

stopdog · Jun 22, 2012 at 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

dearest dog, you realize of course the existential absurdity of anyone controlling time. how do you reconcile that with your actions? I mean, why not take that step back and let go...

In general, one cannot control the passage of time, I agree. But as used here, and perhaps I should have chosen a different word, I mean I do not leave it up to the therapist to watch the clock. That is mine or ours but not just theirs.

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lostmyway21 Magnate Member Since Dec 2011 Location: NYC Posts: 2,208 12 880 hugs given	Jun 22, 2012 at 08:23 AM #1 Has anyone ever refused to leave a session? T kept trying to wrap up and tell me he would see me Monday, and I just sat there. I just kept telling him I didn't want to leave.*
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Anonymous32910 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 22, 2012 at 08:27 AM #2 That would be fairly disrespectful of his boundaries and of any client that might be waiting for a session after me. No, as much as leaving is sometimes difficult if I am not feeling closure at the end of a session, it would be better to schedule an extra appointment or ask for a phone call later, etc. than to refuse to leave.
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ListenMoreTalkLess Veteran Member Member Since Feb 2012 Posts: 575 12 19 hugs given	Jun 22, 2012 at 08:27 AM #3 I'm sure you are not the first person to do so in the history of therapy. Kinda disrespectful to your T and to the person who may have had the appointment after you, IMO. I think it's also violating the clear boundaries of T, where you are expected to leave on time.
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granite1 running with scissors Member Since Aug 2009 Location: in my head Posts: 15,961 (SuperPoster!) 14 4,685 hugs given	Jun 22, 2012 at 08:28 AM #4 no i have never done that. what was going on and what did he do __________________ BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that
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WikidPissah Euphie Queen Member Since Jul 2010 Location: New England Posts: 10,718 (SuperPoster!) 13 4,940 hugs given	Jun 22, 2012 at 08:33 AM #5 I have always been in an all fired up hurry to leave. Yea, there is the waiting client. __________________ never mind...
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lostmyway21 Magnate Member Since Dec 2011 Location: NYC Posts: 2,208 12 880 hugs given	Jun 22, 2012 at 08:37 AM #7 No I was still in my time I had a few minutes left. He was wrapping me up when I did it. I got really anxious out of no where. I didn't want to lee the safeness of the office at that moment.
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tkdgirl Veteran Member Member Since Jan 2012 Posts: 440 12	Jun 22, 2012 at 08:48 AM #9 I think there is a difference between refusing to leave and being unable to leave because of something difficult that is being processed.
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critterlady Magnate Member Since Feb 2012 Posts: 2,344 12 2,567 hugs given	Jun 22, 2012 at 08:59 AM #12 My T usually gives me a few minutes' warning by saying "I have to stop us soon, but" and then goes on to say something pithy. Then when it's time to really end, he asks me if it's okay to stop here. I've often wondered what he'd do if I said "no."
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SoupDragon Elder Member Since Oct 2010 Location: in a cave Posts: 6,977 13 1,099 hugs given	Jun 22, 2012 at 09:05 AM #13 I can relate to finding it hard to leave once or twice - it just felt so scary to even move. My T has a way of saying "OK" when the session ends and that has become my cue to leave. Wonder what helped you leave eventually? And maybe this is a good thing to explore with T sometimes? Soup __________________ Soup
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lonelyplanet Member Member Since Jun 2012 Posts: 85 12 5 hugs given	Jun 22, 2012 at 09:17 AM #16 I never have that problem. I have the other problem. I keep looking at my watch and towards the end I say "surely its time for me to leave" lol. I've been banned from even looking at my watch anymore. Apparently my T likes to control the time so when we have 5 mins left, she tells me. You poor thing thats hard.
	Reply With Quote